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Why do people allow to get bullied? Watch

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    (Original post by Quiet _One86)
    If "you" react or "you" show them weakness one way or another it antagonises them to cont
    If you react ineffectively/disproportionately, then sure. However, in my personal experience, when I eventually snapped and reacted proportionately (meeting physical oppression with physical violence) the bullying stopped, with immediate effect. Had I realised that this was the answer from the outset, instead of listening to female teachers (including my mother) then I would have avoided several years of difficulty

    looking back I guess its knowing that they were probably going through something themselves and we're looking for an outlet which unfortunately they chose "you"and it wasn't personal although it felt it
    Certainly is important to try to depersonalise it for many people. Personally I don't really give a **** whether it was a personal thing or not (in truth it had a lot to do with the fact that I was cocky/competitive), as I'm secure in myself and recognise that while I may have my flaws, and to some extent deserved a bit of stick, nothing justifies physical/psychological abuse/violence
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    Someone tried to bully me once so I punched in the face and broke his nose
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    If you react ineffectively/disproportionately, then sure. However, in my personal experience, when I eventually snapped and reacted proportionately (meeting physical oppression with physical violence) the bullying stopped, with immediate effect. Had I realised that this was the answer from the outset, instead of listening to female teachers (including my mother) then I would have avoided several years of difficulty

    Certainly is important to try to depersonalise it for many people. Personally I don't really give a **** whether it was a personal thing or not (in truth it had a lot to do with the fact that I was cocky/competitive), as I'm secure in myself and recognise that while I may have my flaws, and to some extent deserved a bit of stick, nothing justifies physical/psychological abuse/violence
    I guess I am affected to this day as it was all too close for comfort - I wish I was able to move away from it all. Not necessarily run away but obtain some distance from the memories - so much of my life is in one place - my past haunts me in that sense. I wish I could let it go but I guess the fact the bullying went on for so long it still hurts me. Everything I know is around me and where I live!


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    Because the victim likes the bully, and the victim understands things that others don't, and because of that reasons, he allows himself to get beat up.
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    just saying, maybe it could be that^^
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    They gave up when I stopped reacting....

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    (Original post by Quiet _One86)
    so much of my life is in one place - my past haunts me in that sense
    Understandable where abuse is concerned but it is sometimes possible for a conductive attitude of mind to transform the qualities that we associate with a given place, with time I would ask myself:do you want to live, mournfully, in the past, or take the lessons, pity the transgressors, let go of hate and bitterness (doesn't necessarily mean forgiving), understand that it was just a phase, move on, and make the most of life in the present?
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    (Original post by NeoXx)
    I am not trying to be ignorant, but I seriously do not understand how does someone allow to get bullied, by allow I mean just ignore the bully.

    For example lets say the bully is your flatmate or lives in the same house as you do, and he randomly starts calling you names or breaks your stuff or whatever, I would approach and ask what the hell are you doing at first, and then if he does not give me a satisfactory answer and continues doing the thing he does, I would beat the crap out of him. I wouldn't really care if the guy is 2m tall with 120kg and I get beaten up, I just could not stand there and allow some ******* to do that.

    Although a chance for somebody to even think about bullying me is very slim since I have confidence and hence I am not a pushover.
    You don't have to be buffed up to not allow bullies to even try bullying you, you just have to project confidence and some mystery in yourself, that way potential bullies would fear what you could do.

    I am not sure why exactly people get bullied but I do not understand it, maybe it is because I do not come from the UK but from a country where almost nobody gets bullied since everyone stands up for themselves.

    Edit: The most important thing is not to get into a situation where somebody bullies you then you won't have to worry whether to fight the guy or not. If you project confidence, keep a little mystery about yourself nobody will dare to intimidate you.
    I was bullied massively as a kid, in lots of different schools. The majority of bullying is psychological - in my case, people would rib me again and again, all day long in little ways while my frustration and insecurity built up over months at a time, until I'd snap. And when that happened, because they'd always done tiny little things, the school would think that I did it preemptively with no apparent aggravation. And this would be what delights the bullies the most - they want to see you snap, in an attempt to restore some of your dignity, then to see that being taken away from you.

    In terms of the physical bullying, this is simply their "cherry on the top". And they'll never do it alone. In high school, there were a large number of Australian, Kiwi and South African students. Because of the way the terms work down there, most of them came in and dropped back a year, so were at least a year older than me, sometimes two or three if they'd already been held back before. I'm quite a skinny guy anyway, back then I was fairly underweight - so when you say "fight back", could you imagine a 14 year old 5'6" 95lb me taking on six 16 and 17 year old 6" 160lb rugby favourites? It wouldn't go down well, and it would only make the situation worse, because then they'd have an excuse to put me in hospital and say "but miss, he hit us first for no reason"

    When I was 14, I started training in Krav Maga, it helped me put up with a lot of the bullying, because as time went on, most of the sting was taken out of it, because I knew what I was capable of, and that was enough for me. I never acted on it until I was 17 - after the summer holidays, I was just leaving on the first day back when one of the "regulars" came up behind me and started pushing me about. This was away from the cameras, out the side of the school past the exit, and there was nobody around, so I reacted. The first time I'd everproperly done so. Nobody heard from him until the Saturday after when he posted a selfie from hospital, on his way out from an MRI, all bandaged and cast up, with the caption "I'm okay everyone, ****ing detergent at the top of the stars. I hate tiles, FML". After years of being the one who always got a kick out of making people miserable, he couldn't possibly admit when the tables were turned on him.

    Funny enough, I never got any bother after then. A few months later, I started uni, where I pretty instantly became of the most popular people - the "alpha" in the class, so to speak, with people who were actually nice. I think I needed the catharsis that time, because otherwise I'd have never had the confidence to put myself in the position I did in uni - I'd have ended up at the back of the class with no social life.
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    Why do some people let others bully them? Fear probably plays a large part and low self-confidence. We also have a culture of 'politeness' (call it what you like!) here so in general people are more reserved than in a lot of other places.
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Understandable where abuse is concerned but it is sometimes possible for a conductive attitude of mind to transform the qualities that we associate with a given place, with time I would ask myself:do you want to live, mournfully, in the past, or take the lessons, pity the transgressors, let go of hate and bitterness (doesn't necessarily mean forgiving), understand that it was just a phase, move on, and make the most of life in the present?
    Good point!! Thank you Foo. Much appreciated


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    People get bullied when the bullies know they can get away with it without any consequences that would actually bother them.

    I always ignored name calling, I don't consider that bullying. It's completely different though when you're small and getting shoved against the wall, have your stuff taken and thrown across the room, or when stuff is thrown at you. I can stand up for myself as much as I want, they didn't care, it wasn't something that bothered them so they carried on. Frankly me standing up for myself would usually just make them bully me more and mock me for it. If I ended up physically hurting them (as if I had the strength to do it), then I'd be the one getting in trouble, expelled etc. Teachers will at most ask them to apologise to you if you ask for help, assuming they do anything at all; sometimes they might just shout at you for bothering them.

    I'm pretty sure I was bullied because I didn't have a large group of friends, it's easy to pick on one person when you're a five. I was also quiet and generally nice to people. They do it to feel better about themselves and they make sure to pick a target that will have no way of fighting back in a way that they'd care for.
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    (Original post by NeoXx)
    I am not trying to be ignorant, but I seriously do not understand how does someone allow to get bullied, by allow I mean just ignore the bully.

    For example lets say the bully is your flatmate or lives in the same house as you do, and he randomly starts calling you names or breaks your stuff or whatever, I would approach and ask what the hell are you doing at first, and then if he does not give me a satisfactory answer and continues doing the thing he does, I would beat the crap out of him. I wouldn't really care if the guy is 2m tall with 120kg and I get beaten up, I just could not stand there and allow some ******* to do that.

    Although a chance for somebody to even think about bullying me is very slim since I have confidence and hence I am not a pushover.
    You don't have to be buffed up to not allow bullies to even try bullying you, you just have to project confidence and some mystery in yourself, that way potential bullies would fear what you could do.

    I am not sure why exactly people get bullied but I do not understand it, maybe it is because I do not come from the UK but from a country where almost nobody gets bullied since everyone stands up for themselves.

    Edit: The most important thing is not to get into a situation where somebody bullies you then you won't have to worry whether to fight the guy or not. If you project confidence, keep a little mystery about yourself nobody will dare to intimidate you.
    It's not that simple. Bullies PICK on the victims insecurities. In return that victim becomes less confident loses their self esteem. It's easy to say all you've said without experiencing it.

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    I was bullied pretty badly at school for a while, it wasn't that I was "putting up with it" though, I was just playing the long game. That's what you do with bullies ... divide and conquer without having to get your hands too dirty. Engineer situations to turn them against each other and let them fight between themselves. Since then I've been pretty much impossible to bully by anybody, I'm just not a person who shows any fear or concern for anything really and I'll take on anyone, anywhere. It might not always be the best solution, but it stops me from being bullied.


    (Original post by XxKingSniprxX)
    For example, someone whos 74kg (163lb) at 5'10 who lifts but also does martial arts (E.g Muay thai) is a lot more dangerous than someone 94kg at 6'2 (207lb) who just trains in the gym but doesn't do any martial arts.
    Assuming the mindset and attitude of the two people is the same then yes, but in a street fight where there are no rules, attitude plays a large part. Someone with decent fighting skills that still has some shred of morality and human concern can be beaten by a lesser fighter who is willing to do literally anything to win - because one will automatically hold back from causing permanent damage. Overwhelming somebody with pure viciousness is definitely a thing.
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    (Original post by XMaramena)
    I was bullied massively as a kid, in lots of different schools. The majority of bullying is psychological - in my case, people would rib me again and again, all day long in little ways while my frustration and insecurity built up over months at a time, until I'd snap. And when that happened, because they'd always done tiny little things, the school would think that I did it preemptively with no apparent aggravation. And this would be what delights the bullies the most - they want to see you snap, in an attempt to restore some of your dignity, then to see that being taken away from you.

    In terms of the physical bullying, this is simply their "cherry on the top". And they'll never do it alone. In high school, there were a large number of Australian, Kiwi and South African students. Because of the way the terms work down there, most of them came in and dropped back a year, so were at least a year older than me, sometimes two or three if they'd already been held back before. I'm quite a skinny guy anyway, back then I was fairly underweight - so when you say "fight back", could you imagine a 14 year old 5'6" 95lb me taking on six 16 and 17 year old 6" 160lb rugby favourites? It wouldn't go down well, and it would only make the situation worse, because then they'd have an excuse to put me in hospital and say "but miss, he hit us first for no reason"

    When I was 14, I started training in Krav Maga, it helped me put up with a lot of the bullying, because as time went on, most of the sting was taken out of it, because I knew what I was capable of, and that was enough for me. I never acted on it until I was 17 - after the summer holidays, I was just leaving on the first day back when one of the "regulars" came up behind me and started pushing me about. This was away from the cameras, out the side of the school past the exit, and there was nobody around, so I reacted. The first time I'd everproperly done so. Nobody heard from him until the Saturday after when he posted a selfie from hospital, on his way out from an MRI, all bandaged and cast up, with the caption "I'm okay everyone, ****ing detergent at the top of the stars. I hate tiles, FML". After years of being the one who always got a kick out of making people miserable, he couldn't possibly admit when the tables were turned on him.

    Funny enough, I never got any bother after then. A few months later, I started uni, where I pretty instantly became of the most popular people - the "alpha" in the class, so to speak, with people who were actually nice. I think I needed the catharsis that time, because otherwise I'd have never had the confidence to put myself in the position I did in uni - I'd have ended up at the back of the class with no social life.
    I guess that once you realise what you are capable of nobody can bully you since you'll have confidence in all situations...
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    (Original post by NeoXx)
    I guess that once you realise what you are capable of nobody can bully you since you'll have confidence in all situations...
    This is exactly right. It affects you the most because you feel vulnerable. When you take away that vulnerability, you take away the effect of the bullying.
 
 
 
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