If he loves you, the relationship can survive, but it is totally down to him and his feelings, what you can do is limited.(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks this is a great answer and yeah I had to admit to it as he found out though some of his friends.
He says he wants to be with me but feels as though I have cheated on him and does't know what to do to get over it. I have no idea how I can help him either. Any suggestions?
First you have to rebuild trust. Easily said but hard to do once broken. This is only possible if you are certain yourself that you won't (ahem) stray again. Unless you are 100 per cent sure of that you will never convince him. But if you are you have to really go overboard that you have learnt from this terrible mistake (as you will put it) so he can begin to rebuild trust. And that won't happen overnight, it will come over time if you survive as a couple.
The other thing is that you have to massage his ego. What you have done (in getting found out) has struck at the very heart of his masculinity, self esteem, his very sense of self perhaps, even. You have smashed his ego into pieces. So you have to help him put it back together. Find positive things to say about him, especially sexually. You can't do enough of that. Tell him how he is the best lover in the whole universe. But be sincere, or he will smell a rat that you are manipulating him.
He will probably want even more sex than he did before the indiscretion. Having your partner cheat is a bizarre turn on. Sex is one of the best ways you have to rebuild intimacy.
Say how sorry you are, how devastated YOU are that he is so hurt. This may become tiresome, as he may exploit this to get attention from you, but you are going to have to eat a bit of crow if you want to stay together.
But don't go into any detail about the other guy. He will be obsessed with him, terrified that he is better, bigger, ya de da. But he won't forget any details you divulge for the rest of his life, so don't tell him, all the time pretending that you will tell him everything. Just tell him how dreadful it was, how you positively detested the guy but don't go into any gory details.
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