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not sure if this friendship is healthy? Watch

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    So it all started when I broke up with my ex boyfriend about 1 month ago (I'm a girl) , and I was really upset and I really didn't want to be alone, so I asked my friend to come over and he comforted me, anyways he ended up staying over, nothing happened though. We just ended up talking about things and I felt better.

    Anyways ever since then, I've been feeling kind of down and he's been coming over to stay over or I've been going over there and we've been hanging out a lot more. He also gets panic attacks a fair amount, so he comes over when he has those and we sort of watch TV and fall asleep. So yeh it's nothing sexual, we just fall asleep in the same room and he's never tried to make a move on me and we talk about other people and things, so I don't think that it's anything like that, and I've not said anything about it being like that.

    I just worry that this relationship is somehow unhealthy? I don't think that it's normal for friends to share a bed every night, and whenever I think about it it's sort of weird, but every night I find myself going to stay over and I sort of can't imagine going back to an empty bed again.. and we have a really good time together just as friends. I'm not really sure what to do? I feel like it's a phase but maybe it's not? I just hope that he's not becoming dependent on me or the other way around. :/
    • #2
    #2

    Hey
    From what you've said, I don't see anything wrong with what's going on. Just two friends who like to spend time together and feel comfortable around each other. I don't think the fact that he's a guy makes a difference, as long as both of you know exactly where you stand in this relationship and it's only as friends then it sounds fine.
    As long as he's not the only person you see, and the only person you talk to then there's nothing unhealthy about it.
    If you're worried about your friend's attitude towards it, or if you think he feels that its something else, then just talk to him about how you feel. If you're good friends then it shouldn't be a bad conversation to have. Tell him how you feel and get his opinion.
    I'm no expert but that's just what i think...
    If you have a friend that you're that comfortable and happy around, it sounds great to me!! But as I said, as long as he isn't the only person you talk to... and yeah... talk to him about it and make sure you're both on the same page about what the relationship is. There's nothing worse than one person thinking a relationship (of whatever kind) is going somewhere it isn't, or holding false hopes. Hope that helped? :P
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    As long as you're both friends dont make each other uncomfortable then its just each to their own and there's nothing wrong with having a close friendship like that. Many same sex friends do those sorts of things/have sleepovers/seek support from each other, it doesn't need to be different just cause he's a guy and you're a girl.

    Just make sure you're not the only person in his support network. He has to have other people he can call/talk to, it can't just be you. If that's the case then the relationship will eventually become toxic and you will be unable to cope with the burden of being someone else's only source of support.

    Try to talk to him and maybe help him expand his support network.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey
    From what you've said, I don't see anything wrong with what's going on. Just two friends who like to spend time together and feel comfortable around each other. I don't think the fact that he's a guy makes a difference, as long as both of you know exactly where you stand in this relationship and it's only as friends then it sounds fine.
    As long as he's not the only person you see, and the only person you talk to then there's nothing unhealthy about it.
    If you're worried about your friend's attitude towards it, or if you think he feels that its something else, then just talk to him about how you feel. If you're good friends then it shouldn't be a bad conversation to have. Tell him how you feel and get his opinion.
    I'm no expert but that's just what i think...
    If you have a friend that you're that comfortable and happy around, it sounds great to me!! But as I said, as long as he isn't the only person you talk to... and yeah... talk to him about it and make sure you're both on the same page about what the relationship is. There's nothing worse than one person thinking a relationship (of whatever kind) is going somewhere it isn't, or holding false hopes. Hope that helped? :P
    Aw thanks so much, I was getting quite worried actually. Well yeh , I was worried about that. Basically he's part of this big group of friends and we're all sort of friends together and he has another close friend who is a guy who he hangs out with and obviously his family etc. So yeh, I think i'll just encourage him to expand his network. This has been such helpful advice though, thank you You're so right, it shouldn't have to be awkward and yeh as long as we're both on the same page it should be fine
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by insert-username)
    As long as you're both friends dont make each other uncomfortable then its just each to their own and there's nothing wrong with having a close friendship like that. Many same sex friends do those sorts of things/have sleepovers/seek support from each other, it doesn't need to be different just cause he's a guy and you're a girl.

    Just make sure you're not the only person in his support network. He has to have other people he can call/talk to, it can't just be you. If that's the case then the relationship will eventually become toxic and you will be unable to cope with the burden of being someone else's only source of support.

    Try to talk to him and maybe help him expand his support network.
    Hi there, yes I agree , I think I was just freaking out because he's a guy and although I do have close guy friends, they're all in relationships or gay so somehow them coming to me for support feels different? Yes that is true, that is what I worried about most. This has happened to me so often in the past with my relationships, where I have become the only support person, and I guess I was worried that would happen here or again. :/
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    I can see a couple potential problems, but nothing that would definitely be an issue

    1. you both becoming dependent on this, you using him to fill a hole of intimacy your ex left/him using you to cope with anxiety - this could be an issue if one of you wants to end the situation and the other can't cope

    2. he has feelings for you and eventually wants this to go further

    3. eventually one of you gets into the relationship and the other is upset as the friendship then has to change

    like I said, might be that this runs its course and you've both helped each other through a tough time and it all goes well... don't think sleeping in a bed together with a friend is the end of the world
 
 
 
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