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1st year student and pregnant. What to do? Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    a quick bit of background... I'm a first year student at a top 20 university (although i guess that depends on the list you choose to follow). I have been with my boyfriend for 2 month, he is great ( also at university). i am 5 weeks pregnant.
    Before this i would always have been against myself abortion (not pro life, just never thought it was for me.)
    i have 3 options.
    Abortion.
    my boyfriends preferred solution. He thinks me considering anything other than abortion is holding a gun to his head and he couldn't see himself continuing to be with me if i decided to keep it.
    I however am crying my eyes out over it because i know its the sensible option but i don't think i cant bring myself to do it.
    Keeping it
    I will need to drop out of uni, and sacrifice possibly my entire future plans, aswell as do damage to my boyfriends studies and plans. He said he will drop out of uni to work and provide for it, but would no longer be in a relationship with me. However it is my baby, and being a mum is ultimately my career goal. doing a degree is the plan to provide for my future children but the degree and jobs that follow aren't the main goals for me. But do I want a child with a man who wouldn't support me.
    Adoption
    Boyfriend is also very against that. i think it is kindest as i know i wouldn't be able to provide the child with as much as id like. I do think it would kill me inside though, possibly more than an abortion due to the whole carrying a child for 9 months.

    please offer support/ advice / something
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    a quick bit of background... I'm a first year student at a top 20 university (although i guess that depends on the list you choose to follow). I have been with my boyfriend for 2 month, he is great ( also at university). i am 5 weeks pregnant.
    Before this i would always have been against myself abortion (not pro life, just never thought it was for me.)
    i have 3 options.
    Abortion.
    my boyfriends preferred solution. He thinks me considering anything other than abortion is holding a gun to his head and he couldn't see himself continuing to be with me if i decided to keep it.
    I however am crying my eyes out over it because i know its the sensible option but i don't think i cant bring myself to do it.
    Keeping it
    I will need to drop out of uni, and sacrifice possibly my entire future plans, aswell as do damage to my boyfriends studies and plans. He said he will drop out of uni to work and provide for it, but would no longer be in a relationship with me. However it is my baby, and being a mum is ultimately my career goal. doing a degree is the plan to provide for my future children but the degree and jobs that follow aren't the main goals for me. But do I want a child with a man who wouldn't support me.
    Adoption
    Boyfriend is also very against that. i think it is kindest as i know i wouldn't be able to provide the child with as much as id like. I do think it would kill me inside though, possibly more than an abortion due to the whole carrying a child for 9 months.

    please offer support/ advice / something
    If I were you, I'd go with abortion. I know it's not what you want to hear, but it truly is the best option IMHO.

    You really have to think about this realistically. Raising a child is ridiculously expensive, and couples who have established careers and savings often struggle. How do you, an 18 year old with no decent education or savings and no partner to help you to the optimum level? You'd never be able to give the child the live you want to give it, so it will end up being a waste of three lives, yours, your boyfriend's and your child's.

    Adoption is a good idea, but so many children constantly go through the system and never get placed in families. Would you want your own biological child to go through that and possibly be screwed up for life?

    At this point in life, you are the most important thing. Get an abortion, finish your education, get a good job and start saving up. Then you can think about being a good mother to any children you have
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    Do you want to be a mum at this point in your life? Do you think you could handle it and face being a uni drop-out & single mother at such a young age? Because that would be the harsh reality of it. Would you go back home and live with your parents while you raise the child? What is your plan if you keep it, basically?

    It doesn't sound like either you or the father are keen on the adoption route so say rule that out for now. If you think you can realistically handle having a raising this child and wouldn't end up regretting it or feeling bitter about it, maybe keeping it should be an option. You really need to figure out what your plan is if you do; and if your parents and the father would support you and how supportive they actually would be. Chances are 90% of this will be on your shoulders alone, so if any of that is too much for you or you don't think you'd cope, the abortion route might be worth a second look.

    In the end only you know what you can and can't cope with and what direction you want your life to take. You need to pick the best option for both you and the child, regardless of how hard that choice may be.
    • #3
    #3

    Abortion seems like the best choice for everyone.
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    Abortion. No doubt.
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    your body, do what you want
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    adoption or keep the child. you can always go back to uni later. Children are our future, worth ten million firsts okay? xx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    a quick bit of background... I'm a first year student at a top 20 university (although i guess that depends on the list you choose to follow). I have been with my boyfriend for 2 month, he is great ( also at university). i am 5 weeks pregnant.
    Before this i would always have been against myself abortion (not pro life, just never thought it was for me.)
    i have 3 options.
    Abortion.
    my boyfriends preferred solution. He thinks me considering anything other than abortion is holding a gun to his head and he couldn't see himself continuing to be with me if i decided to keep it.
    I however am crying my eyes out over it because i know its the sensible option but i don't think i cant bring myself to do it.
    Keeping it
    I will need to drop out of uni, and sacrifice possibly my entire future plans, aswell as do damage to my boyfriends studies and plans. He said he will drop out of uni to work and provide for it, but would no longer be in a relationship with me. However it is my baby, and being a mum is ultimately my career goal. doing a degree is the plan to provide for my future children but the degree and jobs that follow aren't the main goals for me. But do I want a child with a man who wouldn't support me.
    Adoption
    Boyfriend is also very against that. i think it is kindest as i know i wouldn't be able to provide the child with as much as id like. I do think it would kill me inside though, possibly more than an abortion due to the whole carrying a child for 9 months.

    please offer support/ advice / something
    you can have a boyfriend for christmas, but a baby is for life. or it should be anyway. probably the best decision you will ever make. plus you can always go back to uni later. they're not going any where you know?!?
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    Don't let anyone tell you want to do, your boyfriend is entitled to give you his opinion and he does have a say it but ultimately it is your choice, if you don't want an abortion don't get one. It would probably be best if you speak to your gp about the options available dpending on what you want to do? And like john2054 said, you could always put it up for adoption. Regardless, you seem like a good person and you just have to surround yourself with support from friends and family and know that with the right mindset and information, you'll make the right decision, good luck op
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    Don't like the sound of your bf, to be honest. Go and see student support / young persons councillor and get a bit for advice on options and moral support.
    • #4
    #4

    Choose what ever option is right for you, you shouldn't let anyone pressure you into having an abortion or any other option. I hope that whatever you choose to do ends up working out well for you
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    Abortion would be the smartest move
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    a quick bit of background... I'm a first year student at a top 20 university (although i guess that depends on the list you choose to follow). I have been with my boyfriend for 2 month, he is great ( also at university). i am 5 weeks pregnant.
    Before this i would always have been against myself abortion (not pro life, just never thought it was for me.)
    i have 3 options.
    Abortion.
    my boyfriends preferred solution. He thinks me considering anything other than abortion is holding a gun to his head and he couldn't see himself continuing to be with me if i decided to keep it.
    I however am crying my eyes out over it because i know its the sensible option but i don't think i cant bring myself to do it.
    Keeping it
    I will need to drop out of uni, and sacrifice possibly my entire future plans, aswell as do damage to my boyfriends studies and plans. He said he will drop out of uni to work and provide for it, but would no longer be in a relationship with me. However it is my baby, and being a mum is ultimately my career goal. doing a degree is the plan to provide for my future children but the degree and jobs that follow aren't the main goals for me. But do I want a child with a man who wouldn't support me.
    Adoption
    Boyfriend is also very against that. i think it is kindest as i know i wouldn't be able to provide the child with as much as id like. I do think it would kill me inside though, possibly more than an abortion due to the whole carrying a child for 9 months.

    please offer support/ advice / something
    :hugs:

    I'm sorry that you've found yourself in this situation. I can't imagine how difficult it must be. I know people on here will be offering the sensible advice regarding money and your age and career plans, and you obviously seem to already have all that in your head, so instead of going over what you've already spoken about or been told I'll try and offer an alternative.

    Have you thought of studying for an Open University degree if you decide to keep the baby? I know a girl who had a baby at 19 who did Open Uni instead of taking up her place at a brick uni and that meant she was progressing with her studies and career plans while raising her child. That way, once the child was at school she was ready to enter a career (and with a degree you're in a good position to do things like tutor from home, which can be a great way to bring in money while still being at home if that's where you want to be).

    I know that people don't like to rely on welfare payments, but I think that would be a better route to take than your boyfriend dropping out of uni. He would only resent having to do that, and I don't think there's any shame in using welfare if you find yourself in a position where you need it for a few years. If you were working towards a degree you would know that you'd be able to start working and providing once your child was school age.

    Having said all this, it's obviously your decision and I hope you have people around you who will support you whatever you decide.
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    This must be such a difficult to decision for you and it's probably best to talk it through with someone properly before making a decision. If you have some kind of pastoral care at your uni (which I'm sure you probably do) then maybe go and speak to them? There may be other options that you haven't thought about like transferring to another Uni closer to where your parents live so you could still get a degree but care for your child at the same time? Good luck, I'm sure whatever decision you make will be for the best, don't be pressured into any decision if you don't think it's right for you xx
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    (Original post by Daniel9998)
    Abortion would be the smartest move
    sometimes after an abortion, women are so badly damaged they can have no more children. is that what you want?
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    You have to look at it objectively and come up with an answer you can justify to yourself.
    Would you cope? Would you be the right kind of parent to your child? Would you be happy/unhappy with the trade off between caring and education/career?
    Not an easy choice and you should be able to at least write a full page to justify your reasoning to yourself in terms of the amount you have thought about it (not that you have to do that).
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    Type in abortion on YouTube first though

    Posted from TSR Mobile
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    Do what you think is best for yourself and your child.
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    (Original post by john2054)
    sometimes after an abortion, women are so badly damaged they can have no more children. is that what you want?
    Its a risk she has to make, better to take that risk then give up her and her boyfriends education and future career at such a young age.
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    Your boyfriend sounds so unsupportive, it's sad because ultimately, you shouldn't realisticly be having sex unless you're confident that you are both agreed in what to do if pregnancy occured. That being said, I'd suggest you go with your heart, it's your body after all xx
 
 
 
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