Turn on thread page Beta

1st year student and pregnant. What to do? watch

    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    answer my question
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    no you don't have to write a paper. you have to ask yourself, what would the baby's face have looked like, if you go ahead and 'abort' it!
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    Take independent advice
    https://www.brook.org.uk/find-a-service
    or
    http://www.fpa.org.uk/find-a-clinic

    https://www.mariestopes.org.uk/women...are-my-choices
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Daniel9998)
    Its a risk she has to make, better to take that risk then give up her and her boyfriends education and future career at such a young age.
    the boyfriend (probably) won't stick around, but big deal. there are plenty more fish in the sea you know?
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    *quits sex*
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    Damn this is such a fear I have. I think abortion is sadly the best option in your case.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Don't abort it, what if you can't have children ever again, I know it's hard well I don't know, but yeah, uni isn't going away you could always go back tbh, but a child, it's irreplaceable and the last thing that you want is regret later on.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    Asking what you should do is an impossible question, the people who are adamant that you should have it or abort know nothing.
    You need to make peace with an incredibly difficult decision.

    The one things I would say is that it would be possible to take a year out or potentially remain in university if the childcare was feasible.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by john2054)
    the boyfriend (probably) won't stick around, but big deal. there are plenty more fish in the sea you know?
    So? whether the boyfriend decides to stick around or not she would still be giving up her own education, she would never be able to experience the 3 years at university as a full time student, the best few years of her life. She would be giving up her future career plans and having to give everything up to look after this baby at such a young age.

    Yes having a baby is wonderful and being a mum is a career in itself but in her situation its just not worth it.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Daniel9998)
    So? whether the boyfriend decides to stick around or not she would still be giving up her own education, she would never be able to experience the 3 years at university as a full time student, the best few years of her life. She would be giving up her future career plans and having to give everything up to look after this baby at such a young age.

    Yes having a baby is wonderful and being a mum is a career in itself but in her situation its just not worth it.
    i am just completing my education as a mature student and a dad. please stop talking out of your jack side okay?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I had a baby at 19 and its the best thing i ever did hes 2 now and i have a place in uni. I still work. Being pregnant doesnt mean your life is going to end. You can still do things and carry on with your career and to be honest children bring more experience than most things in life. You grow up and gain responsibility that you will never have known before. Im so glad i has my son before i started my career as he has inspired me so much.



    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by john2054)
    i am just completing my education as a mature student and a dad. please stop talking out of your jack side okay?
    Good for you???? Mature student and a dad? You should of said so earlier..in that case she should definitely have this baby..

    Fantastic reply, really contributes to the argument.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    Can you confide in your parents? If I was in your situation that's what I would do. If not then student counselling etc. One thing is you can't burrow your head in the sand about this because if you opt for option A you need to get that done sooner rather than later.
    One thing I would say is to think very very carefully about having a child on the basis you would give it up for adoption. I think that would be a hundred times more traumatic than an abortion irrespective of any fearmongering by the anti-choice lobby.
    Good luck and I hope whatever decision you make works out for you.

    In a way I do sympathise with your boyfriend. After just two months together most guys and girls wouldn't be happy feeling pressurised into permanency. At least he's being honest with you rather than leading you up the garden path.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by john2054)
    adoption or keep the child. you can always go back to uni later. Children are our future, worth ten million firsts okay? xx
    It's not a baby though, it's an embryo.

    OP, abortion. Your life would be ruined. Yes you want children, but surely you want a child when you can bring it into a stable, secure and prepared environment? Where both the father and mother want it, chose to bring it into the world. When you feel ready, and mature enough to guarantee it a good quality of life and upbringing?
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    a quick bit of background... I'm a first year student at a top 20 university (although i guess that depends on the list you choose to follow). I have been with my boyfriend for 2 month, he is great ( also at university). i am 5 weeks pregnant.
    Before this i would always have been against myself abortion (not pro life, just never thought it was for me.)
    i have 3 options.
    Abortion.
    my boyfriends preferred solution. He thinks me considering anything other than abortion is holding a gun to his head and he couldn't see himself continuing to be with me if i decided to keep it.
    I however am crying my eyes out over it because i know its the sensible option but i don't think i cant bring myself to do it.
    Keeping it
    I will need to drop out of uni, and sacrifice possibly my entire future plans, aswell as do damage to my boyfriends studies and plans. He said he will drop out of uni to work and provide for it, but would no longer be in a relationship with me. However it is my baby, and being a mum is ultimately my career goal. doing a degree is the plan to provide for my future children but the degree and jobs that follow aren't the main goals for me. But do I want a child with a man who wouldn't support me.
    Adoption
    Boyfriend is also very against that. i think it is kindest as i know i wouldn't be able to provide the child with as much as id like. I do think it would kill me inside though, possibly more than an abortion due to the whole carrying a child for 9 months.

    please offer support/ advice / something
    Hi there, it must be very difficult for you right now, having to deal with the pressures uni and your boyfriend are putting on you. It's a tough situation without a doubt.

    I guess the first and most obvious point is remember you're on the student room. You're getting advice largely from people who are likely to be highly concerned with their education and are unlikely to have children. This doesn't make their advice invalid - but it is going to make it rather one-sided. If you walked into a pro-life mothers meeting and asked their opinion - you'd get an equally predictable result. Again not invalid, but you're not necessarily going to get a balanced viewpoint.

    For me, having a baby has been the best experience of my life by a million miles, so much better than all of my other achievements combined. Tiny people bring soo much happiness. As you say, your goal is to be a mother. It may not be in the circumstances you desire, but children are always inconvenient. There's never a good time to have a baby. Your believe your degree is there to serve your children, so don't sacrifice your children for your degree.

    You've got lots of options, don't feel trapped. I would absolutely say finish this year at university whatever happens. If you need to take a break for a year or so, your university will almost certainly be understanding. After that, the government will give you upto £8,000 a year in childcare costs so you can finish your degree. It's absolutely an option for you. Adoption is an option too, assuming there arn't too many complications, you may be able to just start your 2nd year a little late.

    My sister got a 2:1 in Law from a great uni whilst being a single mother with a small baby at 18. My situation is a little different as I'm 25 and heading to uni with 2 children after a career in the military but there are plenty students on this website with children and doing well in their degrees. My sister even says she had 10x more motivation because she knew she was providing for her son. There are thousands of success stories out there.

    Your boyfriend sounds like an idiot, completely unprepared to deal with the fact his actions have consequences. I hope he steps upto the task.


    Best of luck in your decision.

    SS
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    At the end of the day, it is your choice. I was in a similar situation at your age but had been with my partner for years at that point. We knew from the start abortion was the only choice for us and years on, we've never looked back. The best thing to do is talk to someone you trust - be it a friend, family member etc and talk to your partner but at the end of the day, even if he wants different from you - its your choice. Don't rush into any decision, you are only 5 weeks so you do have some time to think but obviously don't leave it too late to make your final decision for anything either. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Brilliant advice ☺

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by AJP98)
    Your boyfriend sounds so unsupportive, it's sad because ultimately, you shouldn't realisticly be having sex unless you're confident that you are both agreed in what to do if pregnancy occured. That being said, I'd suggest you go with your heart, it's your body after all xx
    He sounds the opposite. He offered to drop out of University in order to support the baby.
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    For the people who keep saying "don't abort it you can always change your mind and give it up for adoption" you people seem to have failed to realise that the birth father has rights to, she can't just put his child up for adoption so simply and the OP stated he was against it. Honestly people, actually bother to read and understand what you're talking about.

    @OP don't listen to anyone giving you any emotionally driven advice like "imagine what it's face will look like" or "your life will be ruining if you have this child". They cannot make this decision for you, and their emotional reasoning could be very differently placed to yours.

    I don't recommend at all coming to this site for advice on something as serious as this. Instead of getting people being helpful and supportive you will just be bombarded with people telling you what they think you should do. But they don't have to live with the decision you do. Ignore them.

    I advise you speak to someone qualified and impartial/ unbiased about this issue, I saw someone has posted links to sites such as the brook. I advise you go to one of those. And please don't take anything anyone says on here to heart, no one here can tell you what to do or should make you feel guilty over any of this or any decision you make.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Welkom)
    He sounds the opposite. He offered to drop out of University in order to support the baby.
    when did he? she said he told her to abort!
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 30, 2016
The home of Results and Clearing

1,901

people online now

1,567,000

students helped last year
Poll
How are you feeling about GCSE results day?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.