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A tangled web watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter

    My long-term relationship ended just before Christmas on horrific terms. I ended it because we were arguing all the time and generally miserable, but he was sending me nasty messages for over a month after. It wasn't that we didn't love each other; we just couldn't cope with our lives as they were. (we are both in our first year in universities which are over five hours apart).

    I have been completely lost without him, and struggling to cope, but I've finally started to form a new relationship with someone else. I'm just not feeling committed though. He's amazing, and really understanding. I wish I could just fall in love and forget my ex.

    My ex and I have started talking lately, and he has apologised for everything and mentioned that he wants to be back together, but thinks I should stay in my new relationship because he thinks I'll be happier. I could tell how much it was hurting him, and I still feel a deep connection with him.

    My friends think my ex is an awful person for how he has treated me.

    I don't know what I think or what to do. It killed me realising that my ex still wants me, because that's what I wanted for so long.
    • #2

    I was in a very similar situation. I had known my ex for 2 years but our relationship only lasted about 4 months because we clashed so much. It felt like we were so compatible and I always found myself going back to him. Eventually, I cut him off because we were arguing a lot and he would say a lot of nasty things about me whenever he was angry. I found someone else who seemed so much nicer and more mature, and during this time I didn't speak to my ex. After about 3 months I realised I had overestimated the type of person this new guy was. Because I had just come out of such a bad relationship, I seemed to make myself believe that this new guy was a really great person. But it wasn't until a few months later once I had cleared my head that I realised this guy wasn't so great and I had been dismissing a lot of bad things he'd done just because I kept comparing it to my ex and thought oh well he's not as bad as the last guy. I broke it off with him and became good friends with my ex again. Then I met my current boyfriend who is a much better fit for me and who I have been with for a long time now.

    From my own experience, I think you should just be cautious of letting someone new into your life. I don't think I even loved that second guy, it's as if he was just there to help me pass the time and prepare for my current relationship with a much more deserving guy. Don't let yourself be blinded into thinking that this new guy in your life is perfect etc. Don't compare him to your ex as an excuse to let him off for things just because he isn't as bad as your ex. He might turn out to be a nice guy, but I learnt that getting into a new relationship after a very intense one where you were treated badly means that you're more likely to treat this new guy as if he's your knight in shining armour, just because he's slightly nicer than your ex. This might not be the case though, it's possible you have found a much nicer guy, but just be aware and don't let yourself fall into another bad relationship. I am now very good friends with my first ex who I had that intense relationship with (it was never a very sexual relationship anyway) and I know that I am in a relationship with the right person now who I love much more and in a very different way. I think I loved my first ex more as a brother and that's why our sexual relationship lacked and why we clashed a lot as girlfriend and boyfriend.
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