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Forbidden Love (urgent advice needed!) watch

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    Let me set the scene:
    I've known this girl for a while, we're both 22 and we go to the same university! We met on a volunteering project and hit it off instantly, she is incredible and I'm crazy about her! I was planning on doing it myself but...the other day she asked me out!!!

    ...Normally this would be great! Being asked out by a girl who makes my day better just by being in the same room as me, dream come true!!!

    The problem...she is an initiated Sikh...

    She asked me out but told me straight up that it wouldn't be a relationship, we would never have a future as her religion does not allow mixed faith marriage (she's Sikh, I'm Christian) and her family will not allow her to formally date a non Sikh guy! Bar converting to Sikhism (I look terrible with a beard...) there appears to be nothing I can do! I can't ask her to break her faith for me!

    She gave me time to think so I'm asking you guys for help! Has anyone ever been in this situation? Do you think it's a good idea for up to "date" for a couple of years when there is no future? What can I do?

    Thank you!
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    I think it will hurt more knowing you can't be with her especially if you decide to date. I can't relate to you, but if there's one thing I'd say it's that, don't make a decision you'll regret.


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    Well you could become a Sikh, or you could try to convince her parents to let her marry you, or you could refuse to compromise your beliefs and tell her it wouldn't work out because that's not who I am. Depends how strong your beliefs are.
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    (Original post by whorace)
    Well you could become a Sikh, or you could try to convince her parents to let her marry you
    Converting for marriage is nothing but smoke and mirrors and you're an idiot to accept it
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    (Original post by RobML)
    Converting for marriage is nothing but smoke and mirrors and you're an idiot to accept it
    Agreed, it would provide a solution though, not one of good character, but a solution nonetheless.
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    Right, so she's asked you out but told you that you two wouldn't be in a relationship?
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    (Original post by whorace)
    Agreed, it would provide a solution though, not one of good character, but a solution nonetheless.
    Well why can't you guys date (and marry if the time comes) each other but feel free to practice your own religion and beliefs?


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    (Original post by maryamrangel)
    Well why can't you guys date (and marry if the time comes) each other but feel free to practice your own religion and beliefs?


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    I'd rather not date RobML thank you very much
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Let me set the scene:
    I've known this girl for a while, we're both 22 and we go to the same university! We met on a volunteering project and hit it off instantly, she is incredible and I'm crazy about her! I was planning on doing it myself but...the other day she asked me out!!!

    ...Normally this would be great! Being asked out by a girl who makes my day better just by being in the same room as me, dream come true!!!

    The problem...she is an initiated Sikh...

    She asked me out but told me straight up that it wouldn't be a relationship, we would never have a future as her religion does not allow mixed faith marriage (she's Sikh, I'm Christian) and her family will not allow her to formally date a non Sikh guy! Bar converting to Sikhism (I look terrible with a beard...) there appears to be nothing I can do! I can't ask her to break her faith for me!

    She gave me time to think so I'm asking you guys for help! Has anyone ever been in this situation? Do you think it's a good idea for up to "date" for a couple of years when there is no future? What can I do?

    Thank you!
    Forrbidden love, I know the feeling...
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPUt8c_2qPE
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    #1

    (Original post by maryamrangel)
    Well why can't you guys date (and marry if the time comes) each other but feel free to practice your own religion and beliefs?
    That would be ideal, but she's Sikh and has been initiated! To practice her religion would be to never marry a non-Sikh! This goes further than her religion tho, could I persuade her to break the vow (I would never ask someone to defy their beliefs for me, that's cruel offering an ultimatum!) her father has forbidden her to marry a non-Sikh! In every sense of the word, out love is forbidden, both by her religion and her father!

    We are in love, we have both expressed our love for each other and I can see myself living with her for the rest of my life! If there was some kind of loophole it would be an absolute miracle!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That would be ideal, but she's Sikh and has been initiated! To practice her religion would be to never marry a non-Sikh! This goes further than her religion tho, could I persuade her to break the vow (I would never ask someone to defy their beliefs for me, that's cruel offering an ultimatum!) her father has forbidden her to marry a non-Sikh! In every sense of the word, out love is forbidden, both by her religion and her father!

    We are in love, we have both expressed our love for each other and I can see myself living with her for the rest of my life! If there was some kind of loophole it would be an absolute miracle!
    Aw dude I'm so sorry to hear that. Well can you not find a loop hole by asking why you can't marry a 'non Sikh' because it could be that the essence of that religious ruling is so the offspring can be Sikh? So when you look at it that way you could argue that you two can get married as long as the children (if any) will be taught about the Sikh religion and then choose whether they want to be Sikh or not.
    Because if that's the only reasoning behind not marring a non Sikh then surely the religion should have a compromise. After all God is supposed to be merciful and encourage love right?

    You get me? Like find the meaning behind why that rule has been put in place and see if there's a way around it


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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Let me set the scene:
    I've known this girl for a while, we're both 22 and we go to the same university! We met on a volunteering project and hit it off instantly, she is incredible and I'm crazy about her! I was planning on doing it myself but...the other day she asked me out!!!

    ...Normally this would be great! Being asked out by a girl who makes my day better just by being in the same room as me, dream come true!!!

    The problem...she is an initiated Sikh...

    She asked me out but told me straight up that it wouldn't be a relationship, we would never have a future as her religion does not allow mixed faith marriage (she's Sikh, I'm Christian) and her family will not allow her to formally date a non Sikh guy! Bar converting to Sikhism (I look terrible with a beard...) there appears to be nothing I can do! I can't ask her to break her faith for me!

    She gave me time to think so I'm asking you guys for help! Has anyone ever been in this situation? Do you think it's a good idea for up to "date" for a couple of years when there is no future? What can I do?

    Thank you!
    So her religion allows for potential **** buddies but not interfaith marriages?

    LEL
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    (Original post by maryamrangel)
    Aw dude I'm so sorry to hear that. Well can you not find a loop hole by asking why you can't marry a 'non Sikh' because it could be that the essence of that religious ruling is so the offspring can be Sikh? So when you look at it that way you could argue that you two can get married as long as the children (if any) will be taught about the Sikh religion and then choose whether they want to be Sikh or not.
    Because if that's the only reasoning behind not marring a non Sikh then surely the religion should have a compromise. After all God is supposed to be merciful and encourage love right?

    You get me? Like find the meaning behind why that rule has been put in place and see if there's a way around it
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    The supposed argument (or as far as I can understand) is that a non-Sikh cannot understand the Bani (prayers) read from their equivalent holy text (their Guru Granth Sahib)! If a person cannot understand the prayers then the Anand Karaj (Sikh wedding ritual) is pointless! To not understand the Bani means the partners cannot be technically be joined in gods light, effectively an insult to the Guru!

    It is not an issue with children, it's an issue with the ceremony of marriage being of utmost importance and the insulting nature of a non-Sikh participating in the Anand Karaj! Something exacerbated by the fact her father is of the Amritdhari (fully initiated)!
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    (Original post by Tootles)
    So her religion allows for potential **** buddies but not interfaith marriages?

    LEL
    No, she was implying that for me, she would deceive her family and date me, but they could never find out! Apparently it would bring disrespect as her father is highly regarded in the Sikh community! She also means that it will have to come to an end at some point as her father would expect her to marry (Sikh faith states a woman should marry when she is an adult, basically means when she has a job and is living a stable, responsible life)!

    Just trying to decide whether the hurt is worth it or not! We are students so we have a couple of years before her father starts expecting things!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The supposed argument (or as far as I can understand) is that a non-Sikh cannot understand the Bani (prayers) read from their equivalent holy text (their Guru Granth Sahib)! If a person cannot understand the prayers then the Anand Karaj (Sikh wedding ritual) is pointless! To not understand the Bani means the partners cannot be technically be joined in gods light, effectively an insult to the Guru!

    It is not an issue with children, it's an issue with the ceremony of marriage being of utmost importance and the insulting nature of a non-Sikh participating in the Anand Karaj! Something exacerbated by the fact her father is of the Amritdhari (fully initiated)!
    Ah that's like Islam as well, I can't marry somebody who isn't a Muslim or at least doesn't believe in God or Prophets

    But if you were to understand it then it can't be a problem? Because technically you know what the vows mean? So it shouldn't be insulting for a non Sikh to learn the marriage vows if they're willing to learn.

    If she believes in God then could you not reassure that maybe all this was meant to happen. Or that God is accepting of all people so human beings should be able to accept others practices and still be with each other you know?

    But then the next issue is parents in which her father has a reputation through the community.

    If the father didn't care about reputation then I guess it would have been fine. But from what you say it seems like he does and wants to maintain that. Couldn't she convince him one day that what matters is happiness and not worrying about what the Sikh community think? I'm sure her father may not worry about what others think but sometimes when people judge you it does hurt

    Speaking from a girls point of view who has regrets with a previous potential partner. If you really love the person and think you're going to regret not taking it further, just go for it. Regrets last longer trust me. At least try for a year and see how things go.

    Whatever happens I hope everything turns out for the best.

    There will alway be some heartbreak/disappointment in life, so make the most of what you have now and just be happy dude


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    (Original post by maryamrangel)
    Ah that's like Islam as well, I can't marry somebody who isn't a Muslim or at least doesn't believe in God or Prophets

    But if you were to understand it then it can't be a problem? Because technically you know what the vows mean? So it shouldn't be insulting for a non Sikh to learn the marriage vows if they're willing to learn.

    If she believes in God then could you not reassure that maybe all this was meant to happen. Or that God is accepting of all people so human beings should be able to accept others practices and still be with each other you know?

    But then the next issue is parents in which her father has a reputation through the community.

    If the father didn't care about reputation then I guess it would have been fine. But from what you say it seems like he does and wants to maintain that. Couldn't she convince him one day that what matters is happiness and not worrying about what the Sikh community think? I'm sure her father may not worry about what others think but sometimes when people judge you it does hurt

    Speaking from a girls point of view who has regrets with a previous potential partner. If you really love the person and think you're going to regret not taking it further, just go for it. Regrets last longer trust me. At least try for a year and see how things go.

    Whatever happens I hope everything turns out for the best.

    There will alway be some heartbreak/disappointment in life, so make the most of what you have now and just be happy dude


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    According to the Guru Granth Sahib (their text effectively), to understand the vows is to be Sikh, and that a non Sikh cannot comprehend! I have also just been informed that to participate in marriage with a Sikh is to accept their God, and that not converting is considered deciept! I've opened up a can of worms here! 😂

    But you bring an interesting point, maybe appealing to his fatherhood over his religion could work!

    I am going to give it a shot, and if it doesn't work out then at least I got to spend some time with her! Thank you for the encouragement and I hope everything works out for you too!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    According to the Guru Granth Sahib (their text effectively), to understand the vows is to be Sikh, and that a non Sikh cannot comprehend! I have also just been informed that to participate in marriage with a Sikh is to accept their God, and that not converting is considered deciept! I've opened up a can of worms here! 😂

    But you bring an interesting point, maybe appealing to his fatherhood over his religion could work!

    I am going to give it a shot, and if it doesn't work out then at least I got to spend some time with her! Thank you for the encouragement and I hope everything works out for you too!
    Ah ffs loool can of worms indeed. Yes use the fatherhood I'm routing for ya!

    You're most welcome, and thanks!


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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    According to the Guru Granth Sahib (their text effectively), to understand the vows is to be Sikh, and that a non Sikh cannot comprehend! I have also just been informed that to participate in marriage with a Sikh is to accept their God, and that not converting is considered deciept! I've opened up a can of worms here! 😂

    But you bring an interesting point, maybe appealing to his fatherhood over his religion could work!

    I am going to give it a shot, and if it doesn't work out then at least I got to spend some time with her! Thank you for the encouragement and I hope everything works out for you too!
    P.S if you ever want another idea of approaching/loophole/convincing you know who to go to on TSR lol


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    (Original post by maryamrangel)
    P.S if you ever want another idea of approaching/loophole/convincing you know who to go to on TSR lol


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    Haha, you will be the first I come to maryamrangel! 😊
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    so you think you're in love but not enough to convert. Paris was worth a mass, love might be worth a change of religion for one of you, You can date her and find out if you really are in love or just accept that you aren't yet and it's better not to risk developing deeper feelings.
 
 
 
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