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Really quite upset at someones reaction to my Dad Watch

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    In short, I am a minority in the north east of England and I was in the barbers having my hair cut. There was a man sat reading a newspaper behind us and the barber basically asked me what I did and then what my Dad did. I told the barber the truth, I was laid off in a redundancy from my graduate job and was in between jobs.


    Then she asked what my Dad did and I said he was unemployed. My Mum works and is the breadwinner in the family at the moment. The guy behind me made a smirk (typical middle aged lager lout looking white guy). I told the barber my Dad had a brain tumour, and he got it cut out, he is not working as he can't. I did not tell them about his disabilities resulting from the tumour.I just felt like it was very awkward, I was upset by the reaction of the guy behind me.

    I can't assume he is racist, but what i can assume is that people just instantly assume that minorities/people in general without jobs are all spongers. It just felt degrading.
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    I think it's less to do with racism and more to do with sexism - the barber is most likely laughing at the fact that your mother is the breadwinner and thus 'emasculating' your father. It's a backwards and sexist attitude, but one that is still common today (especially among older men and men who think they're 'lads'). Ignore people like that - you don't have to justify yourself or your parents to anyone.
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    (Original post by James.Carnell)
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    (Original post by georgiaswift)
    I think it's less to do with racism and more to do with sexism - the barber is most likely laughing at the fact that your mother is the breadwinner and thus 'emasculating' your father. It's a backwards and sexist attitude, but one that is still common today (especially among older men and men who think they're 'lads'. Ignore people like that - you don't have to justify yourself or your parents to anyone.
    My thoughts exactly. Even if he was laughing at your Dad for not being in work you shouldn't feel ashamed if you know he has a legitimate reason to not be working, even then like georgiaswift said you don't have to justify yourself or your parents to anyone.
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    (Original post by georgiaswift)
    I think it's less to do with racism and more to do with sexism - the barber is most likely laughing at the fact that your mother is the breadwinner and thus 'emasculating' your father. It's a backwards and sexist attitude, but one that is still common today (especially among older men and men who think they're 'lads'. Ignore people like that - you don't have to justify yourself or your parents to anyone.
    Yeah, my Mum and I have been the ones supporting the family and I just HATED the way he seemed to snort at my Dad, I don't think I have felt that offended at something in a long long time. The woman who was cutting my hair then said "That is ok then" when I told her of his illness. So from that I get the assumption that they would have just thought he was just feckless had I not told them.
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    Why are you telling strangers your business ? You go to your barbers to get your haircut , wrong place to look for sympathy. I find your username really odd, also you are complaining about racism while stereotyping some white guy as a typical lager lout, a mirror would come in handy.

    Just move on you will always find that attitude, it doesn't only come from white people so no need for finger pointing. Many minorities have their own racial prejudice problems.
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    (Original post by James.Carnell)
    Yeah, my Mum and I have been the ones supporting the family and I just HATED the way he seemed to snort at my Dad, I don't think I have felt that offended at something in a long long time. The woman who was cutting my hair then said "That is ok then" when I told her of his illness. So from that I get the assumption that they would have just thought he was just feckless had I not told them.
    Completely understand why you'd feel that way. It's appalling to think that someone would outright snort, and even the woman's response of 'that's okay then' is a bit offensive. There are all sorts of reasons your dad might not be working - early retirement, excess of money etc etc. It's not their place to judge you, and although of course you'll feel upset, try to remember that they obviously don't understand what you're going through and have gone through.

    You're doing great, no matter what anyone else says!
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    (Original post by Mancini)
    Why are you telling strangers your business ? You go to your barbers to get your haircut , wrong place to look for sympathy. I find your username really odd, also you are complaining about racism while stereotyping some white guy as a typical lager lout, a mirror would come in handy.

    Just move on you will always find that attitude, it doesn't only come from white people so no need for finger pointing. Many minorities have their own racial prejudice problems.
    I was answering her questions. She asked, I wasn't even talking... she just decided to ask me those questions. I didn't need to lie. I was upset, I was not looking for sympathy, I was stating facts.

    My username is my name... I am a minority. What is difficult to understand about that?
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    (Original post by James.Carnell)
    I was answering her questions. She asked, I wasn't even talking... she just decided to ask me those questions. I didn't need to lie. I was upset, I was not looking for sympathy, I was stating facts.

    My username is my name... I am a minority. What is difficult to understand about that?
    You could have told that lady to mind her own business , what's difficult to understand? Nothing much just that your name sounds pretty western for a minority.
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    (Original post by Mancini)
    You could have told that lady to mind her own business , what's difficult to understand? Nothing much just that your name sounds pretty western for a minority.
    Yeah, I regret not just telling her to mind her own. She works next to the gym I go to so I didn't want to cause a conflict by being abrupt, but I figure I should have just been abrupt.

    I am mixed race. But I look like a minority so I regard myself as a minority.
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    People can be real pricks, just ignore them
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    (Original post by James.Carnell)
    Yeah, I regret not just telling her to mind her own. She works next to the gym I go to so I didn't want to cause a conflict by being abrupt, but I figure I should have just been abrupt.

    I am mixed race. But I look like a minority so I regard myself as a minority.
    You should just regard yourself as a person it's much easier in life and get past this incident it's bad but not that bad. Life can give you a much harsher lesson believe me.
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    (Original post by TheArtofProtest)
    You don't ever tell someone with a razor in their hands or scissors in their fingers to "mind their own business".

    It will not end well.
    I thought the lady was just some bystander sitting on a chair lol not the person doing the cutting

    Least the lady is showing an interest in her customers.

    Sorry op sort of skim read that
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    Why did you tell the barber all that stuff? Lie or don't answer. Put your headplugs in and listen to music; no one is entitled to your personal information. If it's a small time she'll definitely gossip anyway.

    *not small time, small town.
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    (Original post by Mancini)
    I thought the lady was just some bystander sitting on a chair lol not the person doing the cutting

    Least the lady is showing an interest in her customers.

    Sorry op sort of skim read that
    No you were right. He could have. Maybe not using those words but you're on the right track that it's not her concern? He should've had head plugs in listening to music, or lied. Or said, "I don't feel like talking."

    If she stabs him with her cutting scissors (unrealistic) then she can just enjoy cutting her fellow inmate's hair for the rest of her days.
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    (Original post by James.Carnell)
    I was answering her questions. She asked, I wasn't even talking... she just decided to ask me those questions. I didn't need to lie. I was upset, I was not looking for sympathy, I was stating facts.

    My username is my name... I am a minority. What is difficult to understand about that?
    Tell her you don't care about answering those questions.
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    (Original post by georgiaswift)
    I think it's less to do with racism and more to do with sexism - the barber is most likely laughing at the fact that your mother is the breadwinner and thus 'emasculating' your father. It's a backwards and sexist attitude, but one that is still common today (especially among older men and men who think they're 'lads'. Ignore people like that - you don't have to justify yourself or your parents to anyone.
    It could be about racism. Most people feel blacks don't take care of their kids
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    (Original post by Gryffindorian)
    Why did you tell the barber all that stuff? Lie or don't answer. Put your headplugs in and listen to music; no one is entitled to your personal information. If it's a small time she'll definitely gossip anyway.

    *not small time, small town.
    It's a small town, she'll probably gossip, but I don't really care. I am over it, if they are judgmental I am just going to ignore them or tell them to **** off.
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    Barbers are quite social places, if she is professional she will keep it to herself.
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    Here's my view on things: if people behave like pricks towards me or my family. I very quickly turn unpleasant. I am otherwise very nice.
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    (Original post by James.Carnell)
    It's a small town, she'll probably gossip, but I don't really care. I am over it, if they are judgmental I am just going to ignore them or tell them to **** off.
    It's not that simple but go for it. Microaggressions are the worst if you don't know how to deal with them. The best way is to do the same back because if you're aggressive they'll play innocent. So if they're condescending or patronising, do the same and when they politely ask you personal stuff, how about you politely ask them personal stuff right back and don't answer next time? You don't owe strangers anything, especially if you feel uncomfortable.

    So if she or anyone asks you:
    "where do you live?"

    You say, "where do you live? " right back.

    Not, "**** off!" lol.
 
 
 
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