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How can I come across as a 'normal' human being? Watch

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    I'll start by outlining a few things that bother me/have been pointed out by others:
    1. Every time I talk to someone in my class/year who I've never spoken to, almost every time after the conversation has ended, they tell me they thought I was a "snob" or "stuck up". I don't understand. I'm not any of those and don't put myself across as one. I just sit and act normal.
    2. I don't know how to talk to people my age. Unless the other person approaches me (which is barely ever), I can't get myself to speak to someone willingly. I barely have any friends in my current school because of this. And even these friends, I can only talk to them about academic stuff.
    3. I basically sit by myself in classes/lunch/break on my phone or doing work. It's horrible. I don't like being alone whilst everyone around me socialises and enjoy their time.
    With university starting next year, I really don't want to carry on with the way I am now and be that quiet girl that always sits on her own.

    Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks in advance.
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    (Original post by fire_and_ice)
    I'll start by outlining a few things that bother me/have been pointed out by others:
    1. Every time I talk to someone in my class/year who I've never spoken to, almost every time after the conversation has ended, they tell me they thought I was a "snob" or "stuck up". I don't understand. I'm not any of those and don't put myself across as one. I just sit and act normal.
    2. I don't know how to talk to people my age. Unless the other person approaches me (which is barely ever), I can't get myself to speak to someone willingly. I barely have any friends in my current school because of this. And even these friends, I can only talk to them about academic stuff.
    3. I basically sit by myself in classes/lunch/break on my phone or doing work. It's horrible. I don't like being alone whilst everyone around me socialises and enjoy their time.
    With university starting next year, I really don't want to carry on with the way I am now and be that quiet girl that always sits on her own.

    Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks in advance.
    Lol I felt the same in my first year of sixth form and even this year. People suck and they just distract you. Being a loner is great, you can focus on you and soley you. I'm pretty sure you'll find people who are much better in uni who you can relate to.
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    i was like this when i was in year 9 but then i became 'normal' idk i guess i matured emotionally so i was capable of having friends. just put yourself in positions where you confront your socail fears is all i can suggest
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    Maybe it could help if you engage in more small talk with your classmates, eventually you'll click with someone and it might help you "get out of your shell." But definitely at uni try to talk to as many people as possible and join societies, everybody'll be in the same position as you where they don't know anyone.

    Just don't think about it too much and just get talking to people, even if its a little bit, it'll make you more social
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    (Original post by fire_and_ice)
    Every time I talk to someone in my class/year who I've never spoken to, almost every time after the conversation has ended, they tell me they thought I was a "snob" or "stuck up"
    Ok theres 2 answers to this one.

    1) They're just being mean and miserable, probably bullies so ignore those

    2) DISCLAIMER: I guess some perhaps wild things here please take NO OFFENCE Its easy for others to sometimes confuse your passion for something with being arrogant and stuck up EVEN THOUGH YOURE NOT. Do you have a really strong interest in something that you know you sometimes talk too much about?

    Maybe thats it. Another one is to keep mentioning material possessions or your evaluated economic stance. Do you mention your newest pen/bag/shows/makeup maybe a little too much or do you talk about where you ate out/live in a large space/paid activities like events too much?

    Again Im COMPLETELY GUESSING, please dont take offence. If none of these apply its option 1, youre doin nothing wrong, they are just wrong.

    (Original post by fire_and_ice)
    I don't know how to talk to people my age. Unless the other person approaches me (which is barely ever), I can't get myself to speak to someone willingly. I barely have any friends in my current school because of this. And even these friends, I can only talk to them about academic stuff.
    I completely get this one. I more of a lone wolf myself but out of choice. You will definitely find it hard to talk to ppl you dont know but heres the BASIC CONVERSATION calendar. also 2 words remember this BRANCH OFF stuff said

    ##=remember to branch off (continue talking/ask about) any mentioned ppl/places/activities

    Monday=how was your weekend? ##
    Tuesday=failsafes
    Wednesday=middle of the week sigh , have a lot to do? ##
    Thursday=failsafes
    Friday=Nearly the weekend huh? Anything good lined up? ##
    Holidays/Half Term/Bank Holiday=Mega easy ask them how it was and remember to branch off

    Failsafes

    1) Compliment them. It must be genuine however, ask if you are legitly interested when/where/how they got something and branch off from that

    2) Ask for help, when hwk is due, what class next and then branch off from any info they give

    3) Use surroundings, talk about any changes you see, new tree planted? building redecorated? some guys being silly? and yes weather? just ask for their opinion and BRANCH OFF

    4) Local knowledge, ask about general news like EU referendum, any Sports news, Oscars, just use major events as starting points. Ideally you know I vague area that they are interested in based off their subjects and personality/what ppl say about them

    (Original post by fire_and_ice)
    I basically sit by myself in classes/lunch/break on my phone or doing work. It's horrible. I don't like being alone whilst everyone around me socialises and enjoy their time.
    Ideally you would use my convo tips up top and just join a group most SIMILAR to you and start a casual convo, it helps to have a gateway person for a smoother acceptance. Make sure you link with at least 1 and hopefully the rest will follow.

    Look out for opportunities to HELP if someone is being bullied/drops something/untied shoelaces/keeping the door open/etc etc

    If the ppl aernt very nice where you are or at this moment in time DONT SETTLE You dont HAVE TO fit in if its not working out, play lots of music, scale up your work so you're mega productive and just secure that INSANE future you deserve so when you meet good educated ppl that you do click with, it will be worth the wait and you will be the best version of you


    Thats my advice, but waffly and ton of branching out but ask any questions you might have still and hope I helped! Wow longer than I intended xD
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    (Original post by ForestShadow)
    Ok theres 2 answers to this one.

    1) They're just being mean and miserable, probably bullies so ignore those

    2) DISCLAIMER: I guess some perhaps wild things here please take NO OFFENCE Its easy for others to sometimes confuse your passion for something with being arrogant and stuck up EVEN THOUGH YOURE NOT. Do you have a really strong interest in something that you know you sometimes talk too much about?

    Maybe thats it. Another one is to keep mentioning material possessions or your evaluated economic stance. Do you mention your newest pen/bag/shows/makeup maybe a little too much or do you talk about where you ate out/live in a large space/paid activities like events too much?

    Again Im COMPLETELY GUESSING, please dont take offence. If none of these apply its option 1, youre doin nothing wrong, they are just wrong.



    I completely get this one. I more of a lone wolf myself but out of choice. You will definitely find it hard to talk to ppl you dont know but heres the BASIC CONVERSATION calendar. also 2 words remember this BRANCH OFF stuff said

    ##=remember to branch off (continue talking/ask about) any mentioned ppl/places/activities

    Monday=how was your weekend? ##
    Tuesday=failsafes
    Wednesday=middle of the week sigh , have a lot to do? ##
    Thursday=failsafes
    Friday=Nearly the weekend huh? Anything good lined up? ##
    Holidays/Half Term/Bank Holiday=Mega easy ask them how it was and remember to branch off

    Failsafes

    1) Compliment them. It must be genuine however, ask if you are legitly interested when/where/how they got something and branch off from that

    2) Ask for help, when hwk is due, what class next and then branch off from any info they give

    3) Use surroundings, talk about any changes you see, new tree planted? building redecorated? some guys being silly? and yes weather? just ask for their opinion and BRANCH OFF

    4) Local knowledge, ask about general news like EU referendum, any Sports news, Oscars, just use major events as starting points. Ideally you know I vague area that they are interested in based off their subjects and personality/what ppl say about them
    Thanks for this, especially the list of topics. I'm not the best at small talk and normally just get straight to the point or talk when I'm genuinely interested about the topic.

    But I think the problem lies with socialising with people who I've never spoken to. I don't know. Thanks, though.

    I also think it's a mix of option one and two. I'm not one to show off, and like I said, only can freely converse when the topic being spoken about genuinely interests me.

    I used to pretend I was interested in what people had to say, but then I slowly gave up on that (takes up too much effort).

    Wow, okay. Maybe I'm just being a bit too selfish...
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    (Original post by Lord Samosa)
    Maybe it could help if you engage in more small talk with your classmates, eventually you'll click with someone and it might help you "get out of your shell." But definitely at uni try to talk to as many people as possible and join societies, everybody'll be in the same position as you where they don't know anyone.

    Just don't think about it too much and just get talking to people, even if its a little bit, it'll make you more social
    Meh, small talk really isn't my forte... if there is one thing I struggle at, it is exactly that.

    I don't think it's about getting out of my shell, but more so about having the will to talk to new people. I'll have to work on this small talk stuff.

    Thanks!
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    (Original post by fire_and_ice)
    But I think the problem lies with socialising with people who I've never spoken to. I don't know. Thanks, though.
    Thats always hard, its more of a confidence thing really, just have good posture for starters, chin up, back straight, dont fold you arms and SMILE
    (that changes EVERYTHING for real!)

    As long as youre friendly and confident ppl will like you. There will be some exceptions so some may just not like positiveness and prefer weird suck ups and stuff but ignore those and just continue trying with others

    (Original post by fire_and_ice)
    I also think it's a mix of option one and two. I'm not one to show off, and like I said, only can freely converse when the topic being spoken about genuinely interests me.I used to pretend I was interested in what people had to say, but then I slowly gave up on that (takes up too much effort).Wow, okay. Maybe I'm just being a bit too selfish...
    This is very admirable admitting a fault, many cant, do you mean are you slightly selfish in giving up on pretending to be interested (because some intrest is good but if it must be pretended maybe they have too different topics/hobbies/morals?) or slightly selfish about the topic? Personally I think you seem really nice and I reckon its option 1
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    (Original post by mkap)
    i was like this when i was in year 9 but then i became 'normal' idk i guess i matured emotionally so i was capable of having friends. just put yourself in positions where you confront your socail fears is all i can suggest
    I'd melt if I put myself in a social situation I wasn't comfortable with! It's strange. I can freely talk in scenarios like public speaking, presentations and stuff like that, but when it comes to just interacting, like talking about general stuff, I become an awkward ****.

    Thank you for your advice, though.

    (Also, prsom stuff so can't rep)
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    Expand your interests a bit.
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    (Original post by Shiv is Light)
    Lol I felt the same in my first year of sixth form and even this year. People suck and they just distract you. Being a loner is great, you can focus on you and soley you. I'm pretty sure you'll find people who are much better in uni who you can relate to.
    It's bearable for now, I just don't want to be a complete loner at university when I'll have to interact.

    Thanks
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    (Original post by fire_and_ice)
    It's bearable for now, I just don't want to be a complete loner at university when I'll have to interact.

    Thanks
    People you meet in college/sixth form are probably the worst people you'll ever meet
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    (Original post by ForestShadow)
    Thats always hard, its more of a confidence thing really, just have good posture for starters, chin up, back straight, dont fold you arms and SMILE
    (that changes EVERYTHING for real!)

    As long as youre friendly and confident ppl will like you. There will be some exceptions so some may just not like positiveness and prefer weird suck ups and stuff but ignore those and just continue trying with others

    This is very admirable admitting a fault, many cant, do you mean are you slightly selfish in giving up on pretending to be interested (because some intrest is good but if it must be pretended maybe they have too different topics/hobbies/morals?) or slightly selfish about the topic? Personally I think you seem really nice and I reckon its option 1
    Umm, I think it's because I don't don't to people unless I care about what is being spoken of. I don't really know. I just get so bored talking to people irl, I normally want to tell them to shut up tbh (lol).

    I am pretty confident I'd say. Ugh wtf, idek why this is becoming so complicated. Basically, I can't keep my mouth shut when I have something to say, but when it comes to the turn of others I lose interest or can't keep up. This is why meeting new people or conversing with them is a bit of a struggle. First, I'd have to get through the whole 'get to know me' (and they tell me their life story blah blah blah) phase which is mind numbingly boring. And then I'd have to try and come up with stuff to 'click' or try and take things further into a friendship sort of thing, which also takes a lot of effort. Only after that would I know if that person is truly compatible, and it's most often a very small minority.

    Really though, thanks!
 
 
 
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