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My ex girlfriend is lonely, and I feel bad. watch

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    Hey guys,

    So me and my ex split up at the beginning of January (i did the dumping) due to the fact she was constantly being distant, we were always arguing and it seemed that everytime I opened up to her about one of my issues in life she would just turn it into an argument all the time, she suffers from anxiety and depression so I figured it was best for both of us to break up and focus on ourselves.

    I regretted the break up a few days later and we agreed to work on it together to try and fix things, she in the end decided that she was happier going out and seeing her friends and that she needed to focus on herself, but offered the opportunity to be friends, which I declined.

    A week or so later she rang me at half 2 in the morning in tears, going on about how much she missed me, how she went out the week before and she burst into tears when some guy approached her and how her sex drive doesn't exist anymore pretty much, we had about a 2 and a half hour conversation full of nostalgia, she told me that she missed me and that she loves me still.

    To this I responded with taking a month or so away from each other, and then maybe we'll be able to come back in time as either friends or maybe we can work something out if we feel that way, she said she could do that and we'll see what happens, we had an emotional goodbye on the phone and I thought that was that.

    The next day (first day of no contact) she messages me, trying to talk to me and i'm basically like look can we just do this and leave each other alone for a bit so we can get our heads straight, to which she threw a massive tantrum, started replying sarcastically, deleted and blocked me off everything and deleted all of our photos in instagram. So the last time we spoke we essentially an argument.

    It's been almost a month since we last spoke, I have removed her family and friends off Facebook due to them not really being my problem anymore. However I heard through a mutual friend that she was going on about how she has no friends, how the people at work are too old for her to hang out with and how her school friends and everyone else has drifted away and how she shouldn't have ever been with me because she's been left with nothing after.

    Let it be known that when we were together i always encouraged her to go out, see her friends, if we she wanted to see me too then we could all plan something together, if me and her ever went to the cinema or whatever they were always invited. Yet i'm being blamed for her loss of friends? I feel bad, I still want this girl back despite everything but it seems like she resents me for a reason I can't quite understand. We haven't spoken for a month now, i'm starting to doubt whether i'll even hear from her again. But I feel bad and I don't really know what to do?

    Any help would be amazing.
    Cheers
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    My advice is just to leave her be. She may be talking to mutual friends saying those things on purpose, I know girls who have done that exact thing.

    She needs to find other ways of helping herself rather than relying on you and the best way for her to get over the situation is to block off all contact rather than you going back to her to try and help because she will probably always want to get back together and it's obviously not the right thing and will simply lead to more heartbreak in the future.

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    It sounds like she used you when she was lonely. She bailed on you the moment she got new friends?
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    (Original post by -CarpeDiem-)
    My advice is just to leave her be. She may be talking to mutual friends saying those things on purpose, I know girls who have done that exact thing.

    She needs to find other ways of helping herself rather than relying on you and the best way for her to get over the situation is to block off all contact rather than you going back to her to try and help because she will probably always want to get back together and it's obviously not the right thing and will simply lead to more heartbreak in the future.

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    Just upsetting how she feels that way and how she should have never been with me? Considering I was a decent boyfriend and encouraged her to see her friends, I fail to see where i've gone wrong here?
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    (Original post by whorace)
    It sounds like she used you when she was lonely. She bailed on you the moment she got new friends?
    She had loads of friends when we first got together, and I still feel like she does now. The only thing I can think of is that she's treated her friends the way she's treated me and pushed them away by herself during the breakup? She would always see them or text them when we were together, so I don't really understand.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She had loads of friends when we first got together, and I still feel like she does now. The only thing I can think of is that she's treated her friends the way she's treated me and pushed them away by herself during the breakup? She would always see them or text them when we were together, so I don't really understand.
    Maybe, some people have a nasty habit of getting friends and then discarding them once they become too familiar. She might just be a whiny git and have plenty of friends she doesn't appreciate them.
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    Not your problem. But if you think it is, you could try speaking to her and getting back together. But this time, don't let her use you for anything.
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    (Original post by whorace)
    Maybe, some people have a nasty habit of getting friends and then discarding them once they become too familiar. She might just be a whiny git and have plenty of friends she doesn't appreciate them.
    Thing is she started a new job, she went from retail to a 9 - 5, her work friends are older than her by about 10 years or so but before we broke up she pushed me away and was basically putting all of her focus into that, which i'm wondering is what she did with her friends too. Not that it's my problem, I just don't see how it's my fault, as much as I still care about her I think it's a bit out of order.

    (Original post by donutellme)
    Not your problem. But if you think it is, you could try speaking to her and getting back together. But this time, don't let her use you for anything.
    I don't think it is my problem, I guess all this time i've kind of been holding out for the end of no contact and her contacting me (stupid I know) but it just seems that she's still angry and pissed at me, but I can't understand why given that I wasn't the cause of this?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thing is she started a new job, she went from retail to a 9 - 5, her work friends are older than her by about 10 years or so but before we broke up she pushed me away and was basically putting all of her focus into that, which i'm wondering is what she did with her friends too. Not that it's my problem, I just don't see how it's my fault, as much as I still care about her I think it's a bit out of order.



    I don't think it is my problem, I guess all this time i've kind of been holding out for the end of no contact and her contacting me (stupid I know) but it just seems that she's still angry and pissed at me, but I can't understand why given that I wasn't the cause of this?
    She doesn't sound like a very rational person, don't try to get any sense out of her.
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    You shouldnt feel bad, you tried to help and she used you by the sounds of it.

    At the end of the day you are ex's, it is not your responsibility or role anymore to ensure she is happy and not lonely.
    She is capable or should be capable of her own happiness and making sure she isnt in a position of loneliness.

    Continuing on to help will only make it more difficult for her to deal with things on her own, it could have an effect on attachments and therefore could then lead to some sort of effect in the future when it comes to moving on and finding someone else.
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    (Original post by whorace)
    She doesn't sound like a very rational person, don't try to get any sense out of her.
    Think you're right, she never really makes much sense, even if she was to contact me I think it would just confuse me even more!

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You shouldnt feel bad, you tried to help and she used you by the sounds of it.

    At the end of the day you are ex's, it is not your responsibility or role anymore to ensure she is happy and not lonely.
    She is capable or should be capable of her own happiness and making sure she isnt in a position of loneliness.

    Continuing on to help will only make it more difficult for her to deal with things on her own, it could have an effect on attachments and therefore could then lead to some sort of effect in the future when it comes to moving on and finding someone else.
    Part of me wants to contact her and talk to her about it all, but I can't see what good would come of it. I'll wait for her to contact me to have any discussions, if she ever does. Probably best I move on though?
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    Don't fall into this trap.
    She is not your responsibility. Her mental health and negative lifestyle are not your responsibility. She sees you as some sort of cure for her loneliness, you are not for her benefit.
    You need to block her and cut her out of your life completely or she will continue to emotionally manipulate you (whether its unintentional or not).

    It's absolutely not your fault or your responsibility if she has no friends. She should not have made you the sole member of her support network, putting that burden on you is exactly why you're in this situation now. Never allow yourself to be another person's only source of support, she needs to have other friends and people to turn to, you can't allow her put all that weight on you. It's emotionally manipulative and it conditions you into taking on her emotional problems as your responsibility. It is completely unfair and detrimental to you.

    The truth is she sounds like quite a toxic person, I'm sure it's not intentional on her part but remember that you dumped her for a reason and now you need to keep sight of that and push away these feelings of guilt.

    I was in a somewhat similar situation (broke up with my ex gf because she truly became a toxic part of my life), your story instantly reminded me of it. I honestly havent been so happy and relaxed in so long and it took cutting her out of my life completely to achieve that.

    Do yourself a favour and block her on all social media that she can contact you on.
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    (Original post by insert-username)
    Don't fall into this trap.
    She is not your responsibility. Her mental health and negative lifestyle are not your responsibility. She sees you as some sort of cure for her loneliness, you are not for her benefit.
    You need to block her and cut her out of your life completely or she will continue to emotionally manipulate you (whether its unintentional or not).

    It's absolutely not your fault or your responsibility if she has no friends. She should not have made you the sole member of her support network, putting that burden on you is exactly why you're in this situation now. Never allow yourself to be another person's only source of support, she needs to have other friends and people to turn to, you can't allow her put all that weight on you. It's emotionally manipulative and it conditions you into taking on her emotional problems as your responsibility. It is completely unfair and detrimental to you.

    The truth is she sounds like quite a toxic person, I'm sure it's not intentional on her part but remember that you dumped her for a reason and now you need to keep sight of that and push away these feelings of guilt.

    I was in a somewhat similar situation (broke up with my ex gf because she truly became a toxic part of my life), your story instantly reminded me of it. I honestly havent been so happy and relaxed in so long and it took cutting her out of my life completely to achieve that.

    Do yourself a favour and block her on all social media that she can contact you on.
    I actually love you for this reply, you're absolutely right.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Just upsetting how she feels that way and how she should have never been with me? Considering I was a decent boyfriend and encouraged her to see her friends, I fail to see where I've gone wrong here?
    She's hurt, and lashing out in this way. You know you didn't deprive her of her friends, so why worry? You carry on, as she is as she's not been in touch so let it go. Find a new girl bro
 
 
 
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