messed up

Basically, im an idiot, and I seem to have ****ed up uni and my future.

Im majorly sure that im gay (im a girl), but i didnt come out at uni, and now have pressure to get guys all the time, the pressure coming from my family and uni friends. It doesnt make me happy.

I feel so isolated. People use me and trample all over me, and it's getting so bad. I look everywhere and see fakeness, and society seems to be a messed up place.

Can some1 please offer me an opinion, it would be good to hear another person's opinion. Thank you

Reply 1

shona

10

Sometimes our friends and family say or do things that make us feel under pressure to act a certain way. Most of the time, it's not intentional, and a quiet word in private is all that's needed to make them realise they're actually upsetting you and it's teasing gone too far.

I don't know enough of your situation to know if this is the case, or if they are deliberately putting pressure on you. But have you tried talking about the way you feel with your close friends and family?

What's happened with university then? Are you still at uni at the moment, or have you left? You say you've messed up your future. Why do you feel that?

Reply 2

antbello

What's stopping you coming out now? Obviously it's a big step, but you will (probably) have to do it at some point. Isn't now as good a time as any?

Reply 3

Ywiss

15

scarystar

Basically, im an idiot, and I seem to have ****ed up uni and my future.

Im majorly sure that im gay (im a girl), but i didnt come out at uni, and now have pressure to get guys all the time, the pressure coming from my family and uni friends. It doesnt make me happy.

I feel so isolated. People use me and trample all over me, and it's getting so bad. I look everywhere and see fakeness, and society seems to be a messed up place.

Can some1 please offer me an opinion, it would be good to hear another person's opinion. Thank you

I think you're aware of two (albeit related) issues here - your sexuality, and other people's inconsiderateness.

Re your sexuality - it's not right that you should be facing pressure from your friends and family about getting guys. It's none of their business to be honest - it's intrusive, and quite frankly rude. I can see though that possibly, if you were straight you'd be able to tell them that, whereas I can see it could be awkward if you're gay but haven't come out. Do you think you're ready to come out any time soon? From what I've heard from people I know who are gay, it's a major relief when they finally tell everyone - although it might be a bit awkward at first (depending on how tolerant people are), it feels good because you're finally being true to yourself and your friends and family - and they won't pressure you any more.

As for other people's inconsiderateness, I'm afraid (from my experience anyway) that it's basically a fact of life - people will be looking out for themselves, and many are quite happy to cause other people discomfort or unhappiness if it means that they will get what they want. I suppose we're all like that to a certain extent, just some more than others.

People who use you are not worth spending time over unless you like them very much and want to be friends with them if they would stop using you. If it's the former, just disconnect yourself from them; if it's the latter, consider how important your friendship is with them. Say to them, "I don't like it when you do xyz..." - it's amazing how things change when you just voice them. Fakeness is also a fact of life, I'm afraid. People are scared of showing their true selves, so they put on faces and acts of coolness/hardness to try and impress people. Sometimes it's quite fun trying to collapse those faces :biggrin:

E.g. if your friend says something like, "I'm really ugly," trying to get you to say weakly, "No you're not" (this drives me up the wall!), just say something like "Do you think so?" in a vaguely interested way, then quickly change the subject (hehe)

Society is a messed up place because we're a messed up race, basically :biggrin:

Humans aren't perfect, and as a result, society isn't perfect. But if you can be the best person you can be, as reasonable and nice as you can without being untrue to yourself, then people will see that in you and respect and like you for it.

Good luck, and I hope things improve for you soon :smile:

Reply 4

invisible_gal

Talk to your closest friend if you can, does anyone at all know that you're gay? Even if one friend knew, it would probably make it easier.
When people pressurise you just shake them off, Im sure its really hard in this situation but just say you're not looking for a guy right now or you dont want a relationship etc.
No matter what, your friends and family care about you and like you for who you are, regardless of your sexuality - otherwise they're not worth having as a friend in the first place.

Reply 5

scarystar

OP

Regardeing uni, im still here, but i really dont feel like ive settled in. Its like I was looking for an ideal, hoping uni would solve everything. But, you guessed it, that didnt happen....

Im such a coward !! I really cant imagine ever coming out. I feel suffocated, im not sure what im afraid of anymore. Maybe I should just get drunk, do it, regardless of what ppl say ?

And, as far as friends using me goes, sadly all of them do it. Thats the difficulty, i havent got close friends. It's all a bit ****ed really, lol.

Reply 6

herecomestrouble

14

dont beat yourself up for the way you are hun - be proud and love yourself as you deserve nothing less. Im sure others will accept you for who you are and if they dont then you dont want to be around them anyway :smile:

easier said than done i know but thinking of you and wishing you all the best. dont blame yourself at all coz you havent messed up :smile:

Reply 7

R3NO

you sound like a nice girl, be open with everyone. I am sure the response will be better than what you're going through now.

Good luck

Reply 8

shona

10

scarystar

Regardeing uni, im still here, but i really dont feel like ive settled in. Its like I was looking for an ideal, hoping uni would solve everything. But, you guessed it, that didnt happen....

Im such a coward !! I really cant imagine ever coming out. I feel suffocated, im not sure what im afraid of anymore. Maybe I should just get drunk, do it, regardless of what ppl say ?

And, as far as friends using me goes, sadly all of them do it. Thats the difficulty, i havent got close friends. It's all a bit ****ed really, lol.

I think a lot of us use uni as a fresh start, and it can be disappointing when that doesn't quite work out. I'm leaving uni now after four years with some really great friends - but I didn't know them all in first year; at least, I didn't know them that well.

As cliche as it sounds, joining clubs and societies really does help, in terms of finding like-minded people to make friends with. The people here I know with the biggest circles of friends are the musicians, who play in several bands. Joining something new might be something to maybe try out next October. :smile:

The people you meet at university may well be the most open minded people you'll ever meet. I think it's got to the least traumatic time in your life to try coming out.

Although, and people might not agree with me here, it might not be a great idea to come out now, when you're not certain who your friends are. It always helps to know you've got a firm support net when you make an announcement that you consider to be big news. It's up to you though.

You've got nothing to be ashamed of - don't worry what anyone else thinks.

Is there a LGBTA at your university? In my experience, the "lesbigay" societies always organise the best socials. And that would be another opportunity for you to make friends. :smile:

Reply 9

scarystar

OP

Thankyou, your all making me feel better. If I go back in october, im going to join societies, and hope for the best.
Im sure if im open - minded enough, i'll get somewhere. Cant keep seeing everything so negative, lol.
Overall, i think the toughest part is the friend situation. I dont know what to make of them - are they just using me or not, you know ?

Reply 10

shona

10

scarystar

Thankyou, your all making me feel better. If I go back in october, im going to join societies, and hope for the best.
Im sure if im open - minded enough, i'll get somewhere. Cant keep seeing everything so negative, lol.
Overall, i think the toughest part is the friend situation. I dont know what to make of them - are they just using me or not, you know ?

To be honest, I think this is just a difficult time of year. Plenty of 'friends' will seem like 'they have no time for you' right now, but they'll all be busy panicking about their exams..!

I'm quite a cynical/sarcastic person in real life, so it does sound a bit odd me encouraging you to be optimistic, but I can't stress enough how my 'true' friends are not necessarily the ones I made in first year. It does get better. :smile:

Reply 11

Chase Me

8

We are our own biggest critics. Not everyone is the type of person who can stand up and say, 'You know what, this is as good as I get and you can **** off for all I care.'

It's all fair blaming pressure around you, but the only person who can make you feel better right now is you. What is stopping you coming out? Students are so blase that they'd definitely not care, and your family will always come round, trust me.

messed up

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