Is kissing cheating?

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GipsyRose
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#1
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What do you think? My ex, who is very judgemental about one night stands, cheating, etc, recently admitted he had kissed another girl while with his ex (although things were v bad between them). I had asked him ages ago if he had ever cheated and he said no - apparently he didn't consider kissing as cheating, although he claims to have been v drunk and felt v bad about it afterwards. I was pretty annoyed that he hadn't told me sooner, and because he wouldn't tolerate anything like that in my past. But also I'm afraid he might do it to me (cheat). I can see the difference between kissing and sex, and obv sex is a lot worse but to me even kissing is a betrayal. Why would you want to kiss someone else while in a relationship, even a bad one? Why not just end it first? He says he regrets it and would never do it again, and I know we all make mistakes. Is it silly to worry about this? Should I let the past be the past? To be fair I ended up telling him about a one night stand I'd lied about (because he doesn't agree with them) and he was understanding.
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Sober kiss, yes, drunk kiss, no.
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spacecowgirl89
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Yeah, I think kissing is cheating. I kissed another guy while I was going out with an ex and felt awful about it. I wouldn't do it again.
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Insignificant B
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Make it plain that you want to be very open with him and pry for more information. There may be more info he hasnt told you. It isnt silly to worry, loads of people worry about different things.
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evil groove
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It's definitely cheating.
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hippieglitter
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(Original post by GipsyRose)
What do you think? My ex, who is very judgemental about one night stands, cheating, etc, recently admitted he had kissed another girl while with his ex (although things were v bad between them). I had asked him ages ago if he had ever cheated and he said no - apparently he didn't consider kissing as cheating, although he claims to have been v drunk and felt v bad about it afterwards. I was pretty annoyed that he hadn't told me sooner, and because he wouldn't tolerate anything like that in my past. But also I'm afraid he might do it to me (cheat). I can see the difference between kissing and sex, and obv sex is a lot worse but to me even kissing is a betrayal. Why would you want to kiss someone else while in a relationship, even a bad one? Why not just end it first? He says he regrets it and would never do it again, and I know we all make mistakes. Is it silly to worry about this? Should I let the past be the past? To be fair I ended up telling him about a one night stand I'd lied about (because he doesn't agree with them) and he was understanding.
Yes, all there is too it.
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GipsyRose
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Well he said he was very unhappy at the time (which is true) although I know its not an excuse. I think its more he didnt REALLY consider kissing cheating, though he did feel bad about it. I've let him know its not acceptable. But then we all make mistakes and maybe its not fair to judge someone for what happened before? For example I'd never have another one night stand. Hmm.
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1. Incredibly drunk people do really stupid things - for example, my friend exposed his scrotum once in the middle of a bar, i seriously doubt it would be something he would consider doing whilst sober.
2. Drunk people can be incredibly horny.
3. Drunk people often end up kissing before they realise what is going on.
Last edited by RK; 4 months ago
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spacecowgirl89
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(Original post by GipsyRose)
Well he said he was very unhappy at the time (which is true) although I know its not an excuse. I think its more he didnt REALLY consider kissing cheating, though he did feel bad about it. I've let him know its not acceptable. But then we all make mistakes and maybe its not fair to judge someone for what happened before? For example I'd never have another one night stand. Hmm.
Yeah, I agree. Talk things through with him and make sure he knows how you feel about it before you give it a go. But make it clear that kissing is most definitely cheating and that you won't tolerate it, he should've learned from his mistake now.
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Mercer
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Seriously?

I know people who've kissed other girls (or guys) they didn't even know when they took their other halves pretty seriously.
Last edited by RK; 4 months ago
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*Sparkle*
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Kissing is cheating, no matter what.

If I were seeing someone and I saw him kissing another girl, no matter how drunk he was, he'd be out of my life in a second.
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bunthulhu
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(Original post by 3232)
Sober kiss, yes, drunk kiss, no.
Sober kiss, yes, drunk kiss, yes. :p:
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Christ, you're a forgiving bunch of people....
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spacecowgirl89
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(Original post by 3232)
Christ, you're a forgiving bunch of people....
Hehehe. Would you forgive your girlfriend if she kissed someone else drunk/sober?
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(Original post by spacecowgirl89)
Hehehe. Would you forgive your girlfriend if she kissed someone else drunk/sober?

If she was absolutely trashed and it was a mistake, and she told me, then yeah.

If she was sober, no, because that obviously involves conscious thought.
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shona
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Kissing someone else is cheating, in my opinion. Sober or drunk, it doesn't matter. Alcohol isn't an excuse.

I would like to think I wouldn't tolerate cheating in a current relationship, but if my boyfriend had cheated in the past, I wouldn't hold it against him. People do grow up and change.
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shinytoy
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kissing is cheating.
he says he didnt think it was, but if not, why did he feel bad afterward?
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balloon_parade
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People who use drink as an excuse are just cowards to admit to themselves that they are to blame. It really annoys me when people use alcohol as an excuse!


Just have to make sure he knows your opinion and that he respects it and is aware its something you won't tolerate in your relationship.
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GipsyRose
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He knew it was wrong but didn't consider it nearly as bad as sleeping with someone else. He says he did feel bad about it though. I dont really know what to think. It wouldnt even bother me so much if he wasnt so judgemental about other people. He expects me to be perfect but he cant live up to his own standards. That's what bothers me more than anything.
My philosophy is generally 'once a cheater, always a cheater' but he says it was due to circumstances and that it would never happen again. People do make mistakes. I don't know.
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spacecowgirl89
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(Original post by GipsyRose)
He knew it was wrong but didn't consider it nearly as bad as sleeping with someone else. He says he did feel bad about it though. I dont really know what to think. It wouldnt even bother me so much if he wasnt so judgemental about other people. He expects me to be perfect but he cant live up to his own standards. That's what bothers me more than anything.
My philosophy is generally 'once a cheater, always a cheater' but he says it was due to circumstances and that it would never happen again. People do make mistakes. I don't know.
Go with your gut instinct. It's almost always right.
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