Its for tomorrow, don't know if allowed to post it but would love constructive criticism.
The rides had come to life in the blink ofan eye and caused a blur of whizzing pods and screams of laughter. The wind,like a wild beast being released from a cage, muted the noise from the childrenenjoying a ride on the icy night. Fearful hands grip the thick, sturdy safetybar that separates them from the dark abyss of the ground which is many feetbelow.
I could see Mary with herfriends huddling near the warmth of the food stalls heating their frostbittenfingers and providing a haven from the fierce night. The taste of freshlycooked food drifts into the mouths of the famished children; tantalizing theirtongues. The music began to play an ominous and eerie, repetitive melody bythis point. We decided to make our way to the oddity which was the hall ofmirrors, mutilating reality and leaving behind a picture of distortion, we madeour way in. It was dark, I could only hear the gentle footsteps of Mary behindme, Todd and Dave had moved quickly. I was in a maze of disturbing facades thatmet my gaze. Mary was still behind me. I hear it again, the muffled scream,except louder. I turn in search of Mary, She was gone. I thought it was best toget out quick, I bumped into a mirror causing a violent crack which led theside of my hand to be slit open. I needed out. The scream was getting closernow, like someone was being strangled. I saw a light in the folds of the darkmaze. I was out. Where was everyone else?
The screams increased, notjust one now. Everyone. I saw smoke billowed black across the whole place,filling the lungs of everyone who could not get out. Tears were the tears thatwashed over my eyes. The alarms must have been deafening but I don't rememberhearing them. There was no way out, the gates were locked shut. The flame burntwith colours I never thought it would. With each flare I know another of my partof this place is alight. Even from all the way across it's like a bonfire. Butthis is no celebration, this is the burning of all my childhood memories. Thesmoke is being carried to the left by the wind, over the housing estate,raining down dirty ash like anti-snow. The tent began to fall. Burying the hallof mirror and myself. I heard Mary. I ran back into the hall of mirrors. Shewas at the exit, screaming. The fire coated the black ceiling, it wasn’t longbefore the smoke would get us. It was gaining on us, as the flames engulfed us,scorching my skin and singeing my surroundings. There was no hope, maybe forTodd and Dave but not for us. The beat of the drums had stopped.
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Am I allowed feedback on my english writing? watch
- Thread Starter
- 03-03-2016 21:56