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No sex before marriage/monogamy? What if you're not sexually compatible? Watch

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    (Original post by nk802)
    Sexually incompatibility DOES exist!To determine whether a couple are sexually compatible, it usually boils down to the following:1. Do you have similar labidos, i.e. do want to have sex as often as each other? It's no good if one partner wants sex 3 times a week, whereas the other one wants sex once a fortnight.2. Are you into similar things sexually? I mean, if one partner likes straight up, vanilla, non-adventuorus, non-experimental sex, whereas the other wants to try new, exciting things and experiment, well it's not going to work.3. Does your partner give you orgasms? This applies more to women than men, as most men can orgasm easily, but female orgasm is more individual and more complicated.
    Well, you're certainly not married and I'm not entirely convinced you've ever had sex before. This alone doesn't make your points wrong, these reasons do though:

    The word is spelt libido. It's also something that changes over 50 years? Just because you both have a superhigh/low sex drive at 17 doesn't mean that's going to be the same in 10, 20, 30 or 40 years, does it? To base any sort of life-decision on a snapshot of your sex drive at 20 is just bizarre.

    In addition, everyone starts off with "vanilla" sex. Sex itself is an experiment at the start and other desires are something that develop as our sex drives mature. Again, these desires are very mutable.


    Your idea for building successful marriages is to build them on desires that are infinitely changeable. Any marriage built on your concepts has little chance of being a marriage in 2 or 5 years.

    Instead, build a marriage on love. If you love each other, you will have good sex and grow together. That makes a strong marriage.

    SS
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    (Original post by Supersaps)
    If you love each other, you will have good sex
    I don't agree with that statement. Sex and love are two entirely different things. Two people can love each other deeply but still be sexually incompatible.

    How would you personally gets round the issue of you and your partner having mismatched sex drives? Or if you wanted to experiment with things sexually that they didn't? Or if your partner told you that you don't give them orgasms?
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    (Original post by nk802)
    I don't agree with that statement. Sex and love are two entirely different things. Two people can love each other deeply but still be sexually incompatible.

    How would you personally gets round the issue of you and your partner having mismatched sex drives? Or if you wanted to experiment with things sexually that they didn't? Or if your partner told you that you don't give them orgasms?
    Mismatched sex drives is something that will happen, of course, in a marriage lasting 50 years. This is part of having sex with another human being and not a blow-up doll. Sometimes the woman will be more horny, sometimes the man will be. But if you love each other then you will normally want to have sex with each other pretty often.

    As for the whole experimentation/orgasms thing, well you've got at least 50 years to practice and experiment. After a few years of sex, it's better than when you first start out as you learn each others' bodies and desires perfectly and intimately. If you have sex with lots of women, you can be "good" at sex in a generic way but in a marriage you can tailor your skills perfectly to that one girl.

    I will take this opportunity to point out that, according to several studies, married men have better and more frequent sex than their unmarried counterparts.

    SS
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    exactly! preach OP!
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    (Original post by Supersaps)
    Mismatched sex drives is something that will happen, of course, in a marriage lasting 50 years. This is part of having sex with another human being and not a blow-up doll. Sometimes the women will be more horny, sometimes the man will be. But if you love each other then you will normally want to have sex with each other pretty often.

    As for the whole experimentation/orgasms thing, well you've got at least 50 years to practice and experiment. After a few years of sex, it's better than when you first start out as you learn each others' bodies and desires perfectly and intimately. If you have sex with lots of women, you can be "good" at sex in a generic way but in a marriage you can tailor your skills perfectly to that one girl.

    I will take this opportunity to point out that, according to several studies, married men have better and more frequent sex than their unmarried counterparts.

    SS
    Yeah you tell him
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    (Original post by Supersaps)
    As for the whole experimentation/orgasms thing, well you've got at least 50 years to practice and experiment. After a few years of sex, it's better than when you first start out as you learn each others' bodies and desires perfectly and intimately.
    Sex is more exciting with someone new, I think after a while it gets boring and stale having sex with the same person. But to each their own.

    (Original post by Supersaps)
    If you have sex with lots of women, you can be "good" at sex in a generic way but in a marriage you can tailor your skills perfectly to that one girl.
    A person that has sex with lots of people doesn't necessarily have to be good at sex only in a generic way; they can still satisfy their partners' individual needs. That's where open and honest communication comes in - if a person is willing to have an open and honest conversation with their partner, they can discuss each other's sexual needs, what turns them on, what they like their partner to do them, their kinks, etc.

    Sex is a skill like anything else, and the more people a person has had sex with, the more experienced and better they will be at it. If a person has only had sex with one person, they're not going to be as good at it as someone who's had sex with dozens or even hundreds of people.

    Just because people aren't monogamous doesn't mean they can't meet each other's sexual needs. As long as there is open and honest communication with regards to each other's sexual preferences, that's what matters. There are plenty of long-term relationships which lack open and honest communication both in and out of the bedroom.

    Getting back to the subject of this post, I'd rather find out if I'm sexually compatible with someone BEFORE I commit to a serious, long-term, monogamous relationship or marriage. It's a huge risk to marry someone or live together, only to find out you're not compatible in the bedroom.

    (Original post by Supersaps)
    I will take this opportunity to point out that, according to several studies, married men have better and more frequent sex than their unmarried counterparts.
    I'd be interested to know the validity of such studies. People will always see what they want to see to support their own biased perspectives. For every study done that claims to prove a point of view, there is always another study somewhere that debunks it. Anyone can Google around to find studies to support their point of view.

    I bet if I did enough Googling, I could link to studies that support what I'm saying. For example, according to a national sex survey, most married couples have sex just 3 times a month, and there is a rapid decline in the frequency of sex after the first year of marriage:

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex...ndinavian.html
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    It works if both parties are virgins and can't discern good sex from bad but if not it's a big risk
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    (Original post by Supersaps)
    Sexual compatibility. What does this ******** phrase even mean?

    Does it mean finding out if you're going to enjoy having sex with the person you love?


    Surely the answer should be fairly obvious even for someone as dull as yourself.


    SS
    They might be into S&M or dressing up and you just want the simple things in life.
 
 
 
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