You can be a player/womaniser & still be honest & treat women with respect.

Womanisers/players are often portrayed in a bad light by the media and popular culture.

There's an underlying assumption in society that if a guy is a womaniser, that he's dishonest, that he treats women badly and that he doesn't respect them. People use the terms 'player' and 'womaniser' as negative, derogatory labels to try and make men feel ashamed for dating or sleeping with multiple women.

When many people think of a player of a womaniser, they automatically seem to think of a guy who plays games and uses manipulative tactics to get women into bed, a guy who is not honest with women and who cheats on women behind their back. They also imagine him to be someone who mistreats women and even verbally or physically abuse them.

However, these premises really aren't always true. A womaniser or player is simply a guy who dates/hooks up with multiple women rather than being monogamous with only one. It's possible to be a womaniser or player whilst also being honest and also treating women with respect. You could call this type of guy an 'honest player'.

The best way to be an 'honest player' is to be Direct, of course. In fact, a Direct guy who dates multiple women is naturally an 'honest player'. He never hides the fact that he wants to see multiple women - he makes that known right from the start. If the girl is cool with it, great. If not, he can leave her alone and find someone else who is. No one gets lied to or mislead, so there is therefore no animosity.

A Direct guy/honest player also treats women with respect, and even though he prefers to date multiple women he always treats each women right and ensures they have a good time with him.

Of course, there is also such thing as a 'dishonest player', and that is a guy who dates multiple women but he's not honest with women about this fact, and he uses games and manipulation to get them in bed, and he often treats women badly. But as Direct guys, we want to be 'honest players'.

Society needs to leave behind the idea that being a player or womaniser automatically involves lying to or mistreating women. That really doesn't have to be the case. But it starts with us all being honest with each other when it comes to our sexual intentions.

Bottom line: if you want to play the field and sleep with lots of women, tell every girl upfront that you're not looking for a serious girlfriend, just a casual fling, and basically be honest about it. That way, she can make the choice whether to reject or reciprocate. Either way, she'll respect your honesty and openness. Besides, plenty of girls like to play the field and have sex with multiple partners - they're just more discrete about it :-)

Source: http://www.bedirectwithwomen.com/blog/you-can-be-a-womaniser-still-be-honest-treat-women-with-respect

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 1

scrotgrot

Duh, of course you can, same as how a woman can be an "ethical slut" - i.e. you do the whoring but you make sure the bad stuff that often naturally results, which is why society considers the whoring taboo, does not happen.

Although drop the PUA type ********.

Reply 2

whorace

Not really since being player usually means playing with ones emotions (duh) a womaniser is slightly different, just because someone might not treat women well doesn't mean he is dishonest about it.

Reply 3

nk802

Original post by scrotgrot

Although drop the PUA type ********.

I'm definitely not a PUA. I advocate a direct and honest approach to dating and hooking up with women, without games/maipulation/tactics or techniques, which is the opposite of what PUA material is about.

Reply 4

nk802

Original post by whorace

Not really since being player usually means playing with ones emotions (duh)

It depends what your definition of a 'player' is. I don't mean a player in the sense of someone who 'plays with emotions' or manipulates women, etc. I simply mean a guy who plays the field/hooks up with multiple women. It's possible to be 100% honest with women and still be a player.

Reply 5

Feel Tha Bern

The problem:

Most guys want to be players

Most guys are not attractive enough to be players

Most guys are attractive enough to have a nice relationship

So some guys dishonestly promise a woman something they have no intention of giving her

If you want to be the good guy, get really attractive and be honest with women

Reply 6

whorace

Original post by Feel Tha Bern

Assertiveness is more important than looks for short term flings, a guy might be attractive but if he doesn't do anything he's not getting anywhere, the reason ugly guys rarely get laid is because they have no self-confidence, getting laid sober is one thing, if you can't pull at least one girl when you're both drunk you're doing it wrong.

Reply 7

Alfed

Question. How can any self respect women like such a man?

Reply 8

theperformer

James Bond is a player and he isn't portrayed in a bad light.

Reply 9

nk802

Original post by Alfed

Question. How can any self respect women like such a man?

I don't get your question. Most self-respecting women appreciate a guy who is upfront and honest with them about his intentions and who doesn't play games or manipulate them. I think your question should be 'why wouldn't any self-respecting woman like such a man?'.

Reply 10

whorace

Original post by Alfed

Question. How can any self respect women like such a man?

Easy question. Many don't have self-respect.

Original post by theperformer

James Bond is a player and he isn't portrayed in a bad light.

He is also not as immoral (or amoral) as most people think he is. In Diamonds Are Forever a henchman throws Plenty O'Tool out of a window from a very high building and she lands in a pool, Bond remarks that it was a good throw, the guy tells him he didn't know there was a pool, Bond then punches him in the face. Bond might be a player, but he is also a gentleman, and it isn't until the Craig era that he even sleeps with married women (I think? I don't think Moore did)

Reply 11

nk802

Original post by Feel Tha Bern

Most guys want to be players
Most guys are not attractive enough to be players

Define 'attractive'. Do you mean physically, or personality wise? It isn't necessary for a guy to be good looking to be successful with women. History is rife with examples of men who weren't handsome or good looking, but who were extremely good with women (look at paintings of Casanova, for example, or the philosopher Satre, for example).

Original post by Feel Tha Bern

So some guys dishonestly promise a woman something they have no intention of giving her

I'm saying that men should never mislead women. They should be 100% upfront and honest about their intentions.

Reply 12

Death Grips

The irony with women is that you are more likely to be successful with women if you dont respect them than if you do.

Reply 13

nk802

Original post by Death Grips

The irony with women is that you are more likely to be successful with women if you dont respect them than if you do.

I strongly disagree with you. You are actually much more likely to be successful with women if you respect them.

Reply 14

Death Grips

Original post by nk802

I strongly disagree with you. You are actually much more likely to be successful with women if you respect them.

lol you clearly have no idea about women mate.

Believe what you want to. Ignorance is its own reward.

Reply 15

nk802

Original post by Death Grips

lol you clearly have no idea about women mate.

Believe what you want to. Ignorance is its own reward.

Actually I'm a direct dating coach, I'm an expert at meeting, dating and hooking up with women. I run a successful website on dating and relationships, I've written 2 ebooks, I've run my blog since 2013 and have helped men all over the world improve their dating and relationship skills. Think before you make assumptions about me.

Look, if you disrespect women you're not going to be successful with them for very long - you're nothing more than a misogynist, i.e. a hater of women. You can't sustain any kind of success with women that way. Real, mature, and enjoyable relationships are based on a foundation of honesty, trust and respect. You sound really immature!

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 16

Death Grips

Original post by nk802

Actually I'm a direct dating coach, I'm an expert at meeting,dating and hooking up with women. Think before you make assumptions about me.

Look, if you disrespect women you're not going to be successful with them for very long - you're nothing more than a misogynist, i.e. a hater of women. You can't sustain any kind of success with women that way. Real, mature, and enjoyable relationships are based on a foundation of honesty, trust and respect. You sound really immature!

The irony is if you were really a dating coach then you would know exactly what I'm talking about when I say "you are more likely to be successful with women if you dont respect them than if you do".

The fact that you dont know, just exposes you as either a fraud or painfully misinformed.

Spoiler

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 17

nk802

Original post by Death Grips

Spoiler

Please explain how being disrespectful to women makes you more likely to be successful with them.

And as for your bad boy vs nice guy argument, let me debunk that. First of all, a 'nice guy' is a guy who has no backbone, who lets women walk all over him and take advantage of him, etc. Also you can be a nice person without being a 'nice guy'.

However, treating a woman with respect has nothing to do with being a 'nice guy'...you can still have backbone and strength with women whilst also treating them with respect.

Also, neither extreme is good....a real man is neither a 'bad boy' nor a 'nice guy'. Most 'bad boys' are nothing more than immature little boys putting on a pseudo 'tough guy' image to try and act all hard and try and impress people. It's not real masculinity, just a fascade.

A real man doesn't need to act all 'tough' or try to impress women or put them down. And he doesn't need to be a weak 'nice guy' either. He's simply his real self around women, comfortable in his own skin and not afraid to be honest and direct with them, and yes, he treats them with respect.

You reply is laughable, you have a lot to learn.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 18

username1551801

Oh wow. I never knew.
Thank you so much, kind sir.

Spoiler

Reply 19

LonelyDemon

I use to be like this shagging any girl even though I always treated them well, most of time become friends with them, in uni it's easy because nobody really wants a relationship being from different areas. As I'm older it's not something I'm into, more into finding a serious relationship now. It's okay to do when you're young but it gets boring after a while.