The Student Room Group

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That's a horrible situation to be in. I'd probably rebel, but I could never not see my family again, as pissed off as I would be with them, 'cos family is really important to me. I guess I'd just go out and work and do what I wanted anyway, against their wishes. It's completely unfair of them to tell you your place is in the kitchen!
Reply 2
I would talk to them about the way your feeling personally. Telling you 'womans place is in the kitchen' is very 1940s esque and keeping you under lock and key isn't right at the age of 21.

If you feel as strong as leaving home and never seeing them making sure your making the right move before you definately decide its what you want to do.
What your family is doing is just awful, at your age you do need some sort of a job surely.
Are you super religious or something? I'd just tell them to get off my back, you're not 12 anymore and you want to LIVE your life..
Reply 5
Having a job and moving out are part of growing up, it's part of growing up for everyone. It's up to the individual if they want to get a job, it's their life. Nobody should feel imprisioned, that's absolutely no way to live. They should be free to make their own choices, their own mistakes. They shouldn't be told, at the age of 21 what they can and cannot do.

Anyone in that situation should speak to their family about it. They shouldn't either have to put up with it, or have no contact with them. There should be a middle ground somewhere.

Why wouldn't they see their family again if they moved out? Why would all contact have to be lost?
Reply 6
they might try and hunt me down.
I take it they're religious then?
Well if they're not keeping you, you can do what you want. Stay away for the summer, get a job, I know I'd have gone mad at home even though I was being pretty much assaulted over the phone to come home lol
Reply 9
spacecowgirl89
I take it they're religious then?


yeah they are, but i dont understand, ive worked in lots of places before but my mum has just suddenly switched. also im graduating, i dont want to spend the rest of my life in the kitchen and not allowed to go out
Weird, do you know of anything that's happened that might've caused her to suddenly change her mind on the subject?
At the age of 21 if my parents were still treating me like a 4 year old I would make arrangements to move out regardless of any threats they made, and regardless of if it ment possibly never seeing them again.
In my opinion If they cared that much for you they would want to you to enjoy life and want you to be happy- they cant respect you as a person if they want to keep you imprisioned in your own home and not let you live your life.

You have a few options
*Talk to them and try to negotiate with them regarding work etc
* Move out and start living YOUR life how you want to
* Leave things how they are, get to the age of 80 and regret 20+ years of your life.
Need to think whats best for you - and more importantly, what you want! (i'm not selfish, honest!) I mean if you're graduating and you keep doing what your family want, it'll be harder not to do as they say all the time....
if they hunt you down then they hunt you down - they can't stop you working if you want to. why would you have to leave so finally? they need to understand that your niche in life is not confined to the kitchen and that you should be allowed to go out and explore a bit. to find who you are not who they think you should be.
My mum and dad cant wait to kick me out lol, thats a bad situation that your in and no one on here can answer your question really, its more of a decision that you have to make. What do you want from your life? Its a shame your family cant just be behind you with whatever it is that you want to do with your life.
Reply 15
Jitsu
yeah they are, but i dont understand, ive worked in lots of places before but my mum has just suddenly switched. also im graduating, i dont want to spend the rest of my life in the kitchen and not allowed to go out


This may be a manifestation of her not wanting to lose one of her 'babies', who due to graduation will be moving up/out into the world.
Talk to them about it, be mature but if your parents continue with this attitude, move out and them try discussing the issue as adults again. You need to assert your independence.
Make arrangements and go. Even if they hunt you down they can't actually do much. They have to get over themselves and let you go.
Reply 17
I think if you run away to work against their wishes, they'll see it as an admission of them being right - that you can only work when you've deserted them and 'gone into hiding'. If I were you I'd stay in contact with them, do what you want, and just constantly tell them that they're wrong when they try to force you to stop.
Reply 18
You've got to negotiate with them, since they're not listening. Tell them that this is a decision that you decided to make, you obviously went to uni for a reason. Try talking to them both together, and tell them this is seriously what you want to do.
If they want you to be a wizz in the kitchen, say you can work damn hard at you job, and uphold domestic duties.
Actions speak louder than words. If they won't listen, show them that you are a responsible adult who makes her own decisions. If they can't see that then it's their problem, not yours.