He has what?

If you actually care about him as opposed to wanting to be with him for selfish reasons; you'll let him be happy and won't try and split him and his girlfriend up. Trying to split people up for your own gain is reeeally low. Also, if he doesn't like you back and realises that you're trying to sabotage his relationship, your friendship could turn very sour very fast.

Sucky situation, but at the end of the day it sounds like you just got pipped to the post by this girl. I'd suggest you try and move on? Maybe it's not meant to be and he just sees you as a best friend. :smile:

That's just my 2 cents of course, I expect you're gunna here a variety of opinions here.

Reply 2

daniel_williams

15

well trying to split them up is probably not the best idea... because it could cause you to lose a friend.

i think you'll have to take some time to come to erms with it and continue to be a close friend, if you admit to him how you felt it could cause a bit of tension between you especially if he has this new girlfriend.

you know this guy really well and shoiuld be able to judge how he will react if you told him. i think you've got to try and accept he's in a new relationship and that your going to have to remain as a good friend and nothing more.

the thing is you need to look at it as whether you'd want to risk losing him as a friend by splitting them up, having him distanced from you because you've told him teh truth, put on a brave face and pretend everything is normal and remain good friends hopefully allowig you to have another shot with him in the future..

whatever you decide to do follow your heart... and good luck!

Reply 3

Louise88

He had absolutely no idea that you liked him in that way, even if he had done, who says he still wouldn't have got with that girl? If you really like someone, you have to go for it because the longer you leave it, the more likely it is that they will find someone else. Let that be a lesson to you.

Don't try and split them up. Honestly, do you think you stand any chance of being with him if you behave in such a way? Of course not. He will never want you as a friend, never mind a girlfriend. Just because you don't like something, it doesn't mean you have the right to go in there and ruin it for other people. You are meant to like this guy, be his best friend. Best friends don't behave like that so don't even go there.

It is a difficult situation to be in, of course it is and there is no easy way of coming to terms with it but he has a new girlfriend now, that's not really any of your business. You have two choices, you either stick around and be his friend or be honest, and risk causing trouble. Being his friend is exactly what he would want, you two could still remain close despite him having a girlfriend but at the same time, getting things off your chest will be good. At the end of the day, it's up to you but please don't try and split them up. Imagine how you would feel if your so called friend tried to do that to you. I suggest you try and keep your friendship going, but it's up to you what you do.

Reply 4

ßlαcksωαn

carry on as usually.
and aw :hugs:

Reply 5

You'd be very stupid to split him up, I sympathise that you've lost him to another girl, but chin up, I know you've probably heard this lots of times. There is plenty of time to find another guy.

Reply 6

OP

I don't want to split them up, because I do care about his happiness.
I'm just thinking out loud (or typing), naming the different choices I have.

I've been a good friend for eighteen months now. I suffered through his previous relationship, and helped him move on. I am the first person he went to when he split up with his ex last summer and the first person he told when he started dating this new girl.

I didn't realise he was ready for a new relationship- he's been under so much stress with exams and coursework and so on. I thought the best plan of action would be to wait, and I would have the best chance of success.

I spend a lot of time with him, and don't know how I'm going to manage.

Reply 7

You will manage, time is the healer.

Reply 8

OP

Yup. So I just have to wait. But what am I supposed to do while I wait? I found it hard enough being with him when he hadn't got a girlfriend. This will be torture.

Reply 9

Make yourself busy, go out with your friends?

Reply 10

FireDeuce

Just make sure you stay friends, and then "be there" for him when they break up...with any luck he'll recognise how amazing you are then and develop feelings for you.

Im a horrible person.

Reply 11

*Hope*

i was in a similar situation. I dont think you should try and split them up, but i do think you should put yourself first. I know a lot of people are telling you to just carry on as normal but you should only do that if its something you feel comfortable with.

In my case i told the guy how i felt and then decided to end the friendship, although i do miss him loads i think what im going through right now is far easier then having to listen to him mention her or seeing them together if i had stayed. selfish?....maybe, but if i dont look after my self who is?...he sure as hell isnt.

Reply 12

OP

FireDeuce

Just make sure you stay friends, and then "be there" for him when they break up...with any luck he'll recognise how amazing you are then and develop feelings for you.

Im a horrible person.

That's what happened with his ex. He wasn't ready for a relationship for a long time (they'd not dated anyone else in six years- starting in year 7!).

And It's My Life- he's my best friend and we're all part of a gang. If I go out with them, I have to go out with him.

Reply 13

yellow96

15

Ice_Queen

Well there is this guy who I have liked for a long time now, practically since I met him September 2005.
He's amazing. He has his faults, but who doesn't?
He used to flirt with me a lot, and he has always been really close to me.
I helped him get over his ex-girlfriend, and I do consider us to be the best of friends.
Yet maybe my hopes were too high. I had planned to tell him I like him after exams were over and we're all less stressed, but he's gone and found himself a girlfriend, the one event I hadn't expected or planned for.
I have just returned from my bedroom, having spent almost an hour in solid tears- my tear ducts don't know what's hit them.
I don't know whether the best plan of action would be to avoid him, carry on pretending everything is OK, admit how I feel, or try and split the two up and be a shoulder to cry on.
I don't know how I'm going to get through this, I need some help. TSRians, to the aid of your fellow!

I was in the exact situation as the guy you like a few years ago. From personal experience, I was so messed up when my best friend (and now ex-boyfriend..) told me how he felt after I got myself a boyfriend that I made myself ill and things were never quite the same. I think it was all the pain of knowing I'd messed things up etc. I would recommend that you don't tell him how you feel, but continue to be his friend and show an interest in him so that maybe he realises he has a shot with you, and then be there for him when he eventually breaks up with this girl. Good luck!

Reply 14

FireDeuce

That's ok...this new girlfriend might be completely different to his other one, and you cant say how long they will last or anything.
If you are such good friends and he doesnt realise you like him yet you are actually in quite a good position. He is likely to share with you feelings of dissatisfaction in the relationship (along with satisfaction, but just work through that) and you can pretty much manipulate these feelings to make him see he might be happier elsewhere...your call though its pretty harsh.

Reply 15

OP

You see the problem I have now is that time isn't on my side. I can't just wait. It's now or never.
I have just over four months before I go to University. He's going to Liverpool, and I'm going to Coventry (grades allowing of course). I can't just wait for them to split up.

Reply 16

Angrybanana

11

Is she going to the same uni as him? If not that ups their chances of breaking up quite a bit, especially if it's a new relationship. However, people do make more effort to stay in touch with their best friend therefore you're more likely to win the test of time. Trouble is you might already be stuck in the friend zone after this long and it would be near impossible for him to see you any other way. :dontknow:

Reply 17

FireDeuce

Nah I reckon theres 2 types of friend zones, and you can actually get past the friend zone and then you get to being best friends which means your super close so he could actually imagine it.

Reply 18