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I feel 'undeserving' of a relationship/sex because of my secondary school image? watch

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    I don't know how to put this/word it; undeserving might not be the right word. To preface, I am a male aged 18; in my first year of university.

    In secondary school, I was very shy; and quite unattractive (fat, moppy hair, occasional spots). I wasn't weak or anything physically, but girls walked all over me and I was NEVER invited to a party; when everyone was having relationships/sex, I did not (am a virgin); when people spoke about sex and my name sometimes popped up it would always be as a joke (e.g. to say ''eww I'd never get with him). Never invited to a party either.

    Now secondary wasn't as depressing as I'm making out, I had friends and was quite well liked, but when it came to the opposite sex, I was not even an option and I was mocked for it.

    I just accepted this view that I would not have a girlfriend or sex for years. Now this continued through A-Level too.

    In university I feel this quiet anger, now I have started gym, waking up early, styling, etc - I'm losing weight and slowly becoming more and more attractive (eventually will be above average).

    But I cannot shake off this feeling that if people knew I had sex/had a girlfriend they would laugh/mock me, namely people from my past/old school. Although at university I created a new image of myself, as social and outgoing, the ''old me'' that people knew is still in my head and I cannot get rid of it. I feel as if I do not deserve to have sex or have a relationship, because who would ever have a relationship with the guy that got mocked because he was ugly? The guy that could not even talk to girls?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't know how to put this/word it; undeserving might not be the right word. To preface, I am a male aged 18; in my first year of university.

    In secondary school, I was very shy; and quite unattractive (fat, moppy hair, occasional spots). I wasn't weak or anything physically, but girls walked all over me and I was NEVER invited to a party; when everyone was having relationships/sex, I did not (am a virgin); when people spoke about sex and my name sometimes popped up it would always be as a joke (e.g. to say ''eww I'd never get with him). Never invited to a party either.

    Now secondary wasn't as depressing as I'm making out, I had friends and was quite well liked, but when it came to the opposite sex, I was not even an option and I was mocked for it.

    I just accepted this view that I would not have a girlfriend or sex for years. Now this continued through A-Level too.

    In university I feel this quiet anger, now I have started gym, waking up early, styling, etc - I'm losing weight and slowly becoming more and more attractive (eventually will be above average).

    But I cannot shake off this feeling that if people knew I had sex/had a girlfriend they would laugh/mock me, namely people from my past/old school. Although at university I created a new image of myself, as social and outgoing, the ''old me'' that people knew is still in my head and I cannot get rid of it. I feel as if I do not deserve to have sex or have a relationship, because who would ever have a relationship with the guy that got mocked because he was ugly? The guy that could not even talk to girls?
    What matters for the most part is the person you are now, dont let your past make you think you can't have a relationship
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    If your social and can't get laid at uni...

    ...you're not attractive bro.
    I'm not looking to get laid at the moment, I want to get laid when I am in better shape. I have actually turned down offers of sex.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm not looking to get laid at the moment, I want to get laid when I am in better shape. I have actually turned down offers of sex.
    Were they blunt with their intentions, like "lets have sex", or did it just feel like they were interested. If you do get a genuine offer it sounds like you should defiantly take it - it will help you shake you stigma and feeling a low self-worth off.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Were they blunt with their intentions, like "lets have sex", or did it just feel like they were interested. If you do get a genuine offer it sounds like you should defiantly take it - it will help you shake you stigma and feeling a low self-worth off.
    Yes, they were blunt.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't know how to put this/word it; undeserving might not be the right word. To preface, I am a male aged 18; in my first year of university.

    In secondary school, I was very shy; and quite unattractive (fat, moppy hair, occasional spots). I wasn't weak or anything physically, but girls walked all over me and I was NEVER invited to a party; when everyone was having relationships/sex, I did not (am a virgin); when people spoke about sex and my name sometimes popped up it would always be as a joke (e.g. to say ''eww I'd never get with him). Never invited to a party either.

    Now secondary wasn't as depressing as I'm making out, I had friends and was quite well liked, but when it came to the opposite sex, I was not even an option and I was mocked for it.

    I just accepted this view that I would not have a girlfriend or sex for years. Now this continued through A-Level too.

    In university I feel this quiet anger, now I have started gym, waking up early, styling, etc - I'm losing weight and slowly becoming more and more attractive (eventually will be above average).

    But I cannot shake off this feeling that if people knew I had sex/had a girlfriend they would laugh/mock me, namely people from my past/old school. Although at university I created a new image of myself, as social and outgoing, the ''old me'' that people knew is still in my head and I cannot get rid of it. I feel as if I do not deserve to have sex or have a relationship, because who would ever have a relationship with the guy that got mocked because he was ugly? The guy that could not even talk to girls?
    I feel you mate, loads of my friends who are no longer virgins. Tbh most people don't lose their virginities in secondary school so youre not out of the norm. You should really let go of your old image. Wake up every day looking in the mirror and verbally tell yourself you're a good looking guy. I do this everyday and I am certainly aware that I'm no oil painting. People in secondary schools are just ass***** they say things that aren't true due to their own personal insecurities. You need to let go of what people have said to you because they weren't true! Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of. If someone heard you lost your virginity they're more likely to be impressed rather than mock you. Don't rush into losing your virginity just let it happen!
 
 
 
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