Let me talk a bit about the background first. I joined in year 7, we became friends in year 9. She's been at the school from year 1 and had two very close friends since junior school. Those girls left after year 11 to go to a different sixth form, we stayed in our school forming a pretty tight group with a couple of others. One of her oldest friends moved to a different city with her family (why I'm saying this will become evident in a bit), with the other one she was growing distant so they stopped being friends. The girl who moved away was still keen talking to her, they saw each other a couple of times but I distinctly remember in 6th form, my friend saying to me that she doesn't see the point of keeping in touch so much with her now that she's in a different city. Kind of like "out of sight out of mind". I was a taken aback by this a little bit.
Anyway, we finish sixth form, go to university. My friend goes to uni on one coast, I go to the opposite coast. Another close friend from the group moves to a different country altogether. In the first couple of years we talk a lot, she meets her future husband, we meet up etc etc... like old days. Then, my parents move to where I'm studying because of work, so essentially we relocate, and my friend now works in the city where she studied (though her family home is still where my home town is).
I'm the first person to know of her engagement (a couple of years ago), I visit her, she visits me. Last time I saw her was over a year ago, when I found out her wedding is this coming summer and they booked a venue. since then I have tried to make plans at least two times. Once we nearly agreed but she couldn't meet, other time she said yes but that was it, no planning. This time I didn't push her because I was feeling a bit iffy making all the effort as it was.
Then, over the summer I see on facebook that she's visiting the city where I'm working with her fiance. "just got off at ... so excited to go to ...". I commented excitedly, not pushing or implying much. Her excuse for not meeting was that they were seeing her fiance's friends. (okay, but is it that hard to meet for a coffee for an hour? even with his friends, I'm sure no decent person would mind).
Next, over Christmas I messaged her asking whether she's going to visit her family over the holidays. She replied "don't know busy busy when I do, I'll let you know". Facebook evidence suggests she did. Okay, I did nothing. Finally, a couple of weeks ago she met up with some of the girls from our friendship group, travelling back to her parents'. Eh.
Safe to say she's dropped me? Her wedding's coming up soon, I haven't received an invitation still. There's been no drama with us, so I don't know what's happening. Friend that lives abroad has sort of been assuming she's invited because our friend has talked so much about it in the past, but no formal invitation. I too need to make plans for the summer (I am definitely flying abroad for work and so her wedding would mean I'd fly home and then back abroad). Considering all the above, what would you do? ask her about whether I'm invited?make plans assuming I'm invited or not?
Friend trying to distance herself? her wedding is coming up Watch
- Thread Starter
- 05-03-2016 22:53
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- TSR Support Team
- Peer Support Volunteers
- 06-03-2016 14:50
It seems like you've drifted apart, OP.
Wedding invitations are usually sent out months in advance, and the fact that she was in the same city as you and didn't want to meet up makes me think that the friendship has died on her side. Sorry.