Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Weak parenting & badly behaved school kids watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    When getting the bus the other day, there were a group of about 10 schoolgirls messing around, jumping on the seats, shouting, swearing etc. They looked like Year 7s or 8s. A lady told them off and said "What would your mothers say if I told them how you're behaving on this bus?" and a couple of them answered "She wouldn't care".

    I reckon that's the problem... their teachers threatening to phone home doesn't mean anything to them. They know they won't be punished anyway. I've always tried to be good at school because if my teacher had to phone home and speak to my parents, I'd be in line for a smacked bum when I got home. These kids seem to just get away with it. What do you think?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by EmmaStark)
    When getting the bus the other day, there were a group of about 10 schoolgirls messing around, jumping on the seats, shouting, swearing etc. They looked like Year 7s or 8s. A lady told them off and said "What would your mothers say if I told them how you're behaving on this bus?" and a couple of them answered "She wouldn't care".

    I reckon that's the problem... their teachers threatening to phone home doesn't mean anything to them. They know they won't be punished anyway. I've always tried to be good at school because if my teacher had to phone home and speak to my parents, I'd be in line for a smacked bum when I got home. These kids seem to just get away with it. What do you think?
    Bad parenting 1000%. I was exactly the same, I wouldn't dare mess around when I was at school. Makes me sick seeing people younger than me being complete idiots on the bus or in public. I'm 18 and it's embarrassing to see what the next generation of children are behaving like. I'm not saying all of them are like that of course.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    They have such soft parents most likely. I was raised in a strict Christian household and wouldn't dare step out of line.
    Also some kids are spilt rotten and never really taught any self discipline
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Generations seem to revert to either extreme, super strictness leads to rebellion and distrust of others, being over-lenient leads to a lack of boundaries. If you were raised in a strict environment you tend to resent your parents and insist on never treating your own children the way you were treated. If raised too leniently you blame your parents for your own lack of motivation and skills, and try to instill as many skills in your own child as possible, which cannot be done without being strict and overbearing.

    Getting the balance right is especially challenging given that everyone has to work full time just to pay their rent, having the time, resources and will to parent effectively is staggeringly difficult.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by BefuddledPenguin)
    Generations seem to revert to either extreme, super strictness leads to rebellion and distrust of others, being over-lenient leads to a lack of boundaries. If you were raised in a strict environment you tend to resent your parents and insist on never treating your own children the way you were treated. If raised too leniently you blame your parents for your own lack of motivation and skills, and try to instill as many skills in your own child as possible, which cannot be done without being strict and overbearing.

    Getting the balance right is especially challenging given that everyone has to work full time just to pay their rent, having the time, resources and will to parent effectively is staggeringly difficult.
    Yeah I suppose. Although my mum's very strict but I know she's doing it for my own good and sometimes you need it.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    There are all sorts of reasons why children are badly behaved. Sometimes it's because they have poor guidance from home ; sometimes it's because their parents are too strict and they are letting off steam; sometimes it's because they are not receiving the proper sort of attention at home and they are behaving badly to get some attention.

    Strangely (or perhaps not), the closest correlation between what happens at home and good behavior and attainment at school is not whether the children are treated strictly or not etc. but simply whether the parents sit down and have meals with the children. I guess because then at meal times they are spoken to and hear adult conversation.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by EmmaStark)
    When getting the bus the other day, there were a group of about 10 schoolgirls messing around, jumping on the seats, shouting, swearing etc. They looked like Year 7s or 8s. A lady told them off and said "What would your mothers say if I told them how you're behaving on this bus?" and a couple of them answered "She wouldn't care".

    I reckon that's the problem... their teachers threatening to phone home doesn't mean anything to them. They know they won't be punished anyway. I've always tried to be good at school because if my teacher had to phone home and speak to my parents, I'd be in line for a smacked bum when I got home. These kids seem to just get away with it. What do you think?
    I think mostly parenting mostly, personality of the child, other external circumstances.I say this because my brother & I have the same parents, were raised in the same environment but he was very very naughty at school.My parents were strict, I'd say more on me being the first born and less on him.He was extremely out of control and nothing was working he calmed down when he got to y11.Having said that we have always had different personalities even as babies according to my mum.I was a very calm, quiet baby whereas he was very loud, always crying & wanted attention all the time.
    Bad behaviour really is a combination of things imo!. Sometimes the parents can be too harsh & the child rebels & sometimes they can be too soft that the child doesn't know the boundaries.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    public belting in the school piazza is the answer ....
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    Bring back the cane or the belt.

    In hindsight I could have probably done with it.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Can't always blame the parents, it's the kid as an individual and it can be their personality or ADD.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    It's probably more weak schooling.
    • TSR Support Team
    • Very Important Poster
    • Welcome Squad
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    Very Important Poster
    Welcome Squad
    I would agree
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    its not all about bad parenting, when my elder brother was in year seven and started smoking and behaving badly in school my parents were really strict on him.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by JamesN88)
    Bring back the cane or the belt.

    In hindsight I could have probably done with it.
    Well obviously I've never been punished like that at school, but I certainly have been at home and I think it works. At least for me it has - I needed it. Parents have to set boundaries and let you know that you'll be properly punished if you break them. It's old-fashioned but I don't think that's a reason not to do it.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by EmmaStark)
    Well obviously I've never been punished like that at school, but I certainly have been at home and I think it works. At least for me it has - I needed it. Parents have to set boundaries and let you know that you'll be properly punished if you break them. It's old-fashioned but I don't think that's a reason not to do it.
    I think it's the kids as well, I come from a poor and liberal family and as long as I remember I have had an innate sense of right and wrong, I certainly have a rebellious side but, if I may, even that was a more sophisticated kind of rebellion
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by EmmaStark)
    Well obviously I've never been punished like that at school, but I certainly have been at home and I think it works. At least for me it has - I needed it. Parents have to set boundaries and let you know that you'll be properly punished if you break them. It's old-fashioned but I don't think that's a reason not to do it.
    But it's the old mixed messages thing - how do you teach children not to behave violently when you yourself act violently?

    Parents who attack their children are teaching them all the wrong things ; that might is right for example. It also shows that the parents have no sense of control or ability to explain to their children why what they are doing is wrong.

    An adult male ( eg. father) hitting a child is simply immoral and dangerous. Adult men can kill another man with a blow. Can you imagine the force of a blow on a child?

    It is a well known problem that children who have been abused in this way by their parents exhibit a syndrome similar to the famous Stockholm Syndrome where hostages adopt the standpoint of their kidnappers. They try to make sense of their ill treatment by justifying it. Even worse, without help, they may repeat the same kind of abusive behavior with their own children.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    Reminds me and my younger years.
    I would do homework maybe 20-30% of the time, and so got a detention most weeks. I didn't care in the slightest, and just wouldn't care about punishment at all, just because they threw all of it that they could at me (detention after detention).
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by pickup)
    But it's the old mixed messages thing - how do you teach children not to behave violently when you yourself act violently?

    Parents who attack their children are teaching them all the wrong things ; that might is right for example. It also shows that the parents have no sense of control or ability to explain to their children why what they are doing is wrong.

    An adult male ( eg. father) hitting a child is simply immoral and dangerous. Adult men can kill another man with a blow. Can you imagine the force of a blow on a child?

    It is a well known problem that children who have been abused in this way by their parents exhibit a syndrome similar to the famous Stockholm Syndrome where hostages adopt the standpoint of their kidnappers. They try to make sense of their ill treatment by justifying it. Even worse, without help, they may repeat the same kind of abusive behavior with their own children.
    I feel like that makes it sound considerably more violent than it is. There's a massive difference between a beating and getting spanked. For me it's always been very controlled and on the bottom, which is nicely padded and designed for it. When I have kids, they'll get the same. It's done no harm to me!
    Online

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Ive taught in schools in both england and china... the difference: (generally speaking)

    Teacher in china: "Your child has been bad, they are failing/misbehaving etc"
    Parent in china: *blames the child, and themself*


    Teacher in england: "Your child has been bad, they are failing/misbehaving etc"
    Parent in england: *blames the teacher... blames their friends... blames any medical condition they can find... blames technology... blames the goverment........ blames anyone, EXCEPT their child or themself, who ofcourse are perfect"

    See spoiler if your interested in my thoughts of why the differences are more pronounced in different parts of society.
    Spoiler:
    Show
    I would say the differences in parenting are largely in the poorer ends of society. Generally speaking from my experiance in education in two countries, middle class kids, are middle class kids where ever you go. Parents are competative, kids are behaved, but a bit rebellious etc, and its all mostly fine.

    The difference is in the poor. In china, a poor childs parents are normally the most interested in diciplin, sucess, pushing their child to work hard and be the best.. because they understand that this is their childs best way to avoid the poverty that they have experianced in their life.

    They will give 100% of everything they can, both effort wise and financially, to give their child the best chance at escaping poverty, and gaining a better life.

    In england however, parents on benifits, poorer families, (often, not always) dont give a crap about their childs prospects in life. I worked in one of the toughest schools in england, where around 70% of the kids were on free school meals, and a decent percentage flagged by social services.. and you know what feeling I got from the parents? 'We dont want our kids to succeed'. Largely the attitude seemed to be that trying hard, working in school, getting a job, was just not important. They wanted their kids to end up like them, and live life in the way they do.. a desire to push beyond that level of life was often mocked or teased out of children before they even got to secondary school.

    For me there are a huge mixture of reasons for this, but the main two are:

    1 - a lack of social mobility. In china, parents truelly believe that their kids can have a great life, if they work hard and achieve at school and uni. and it is true (to an extent) that every year more and more people escape poverty in china

    2 - Not have experienced true struggle. Some of the kids I worked with in england, did not care about improving their life through education, because their life was pretty good! parents working odd jobs (often dodgy), good level of benifits, social housing, etc. Their level of life was not that dire. -- Compared to china, were if your poor, your ****ed. Welcome to no food, no heating, no housing, life in the countryside that resembles that of the 1800s.. their is no lack of motivation for people to not work..
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    I'm sure older people said the same about you when you were younger.

    Also to those saying that hitting or the belt is needed... You may as well be a paedophile as that is 10000% abuse and just as damaging.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 30, 2016
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?
Useful resources

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.