Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Ok, I'll warn in advance, this post is a bit lengthy, so...

    TLR

    I'm after some advice as I've been feeling down since leaving Uni. I find living back at home, my job and declining social life to be unsatisfying. Any advice?

    Now the longer version...

    I left Uni in 2014, and got a 2:1 degree from an average university.

    I started in 2011, and found the transition of moving from home to be very difficult. I didn't like my flatmates, struggled with the work, and felt quite resentful towards university. However, things got better, I met some great people in second and third year, and had two of the greatest years of my life.

    But after moving back home, it's got harder. I used to have six close friends at home. Really, this has now declined to three. This is because three of them stayed in their Uni cities and I barely see them anymore. In Sixth Form, I had a wider circle of friends (or acquaintances), who I also lost touch with.

    Since I've moved home, my social life has suffered a marked decline, both by comparison to Sixth Form and Uni. I suppose, as we're all working, we have less time now. But that shouldn't be an excuse. I find myself sat at home with my Mum and Dad most weekends, which is a bit depressing for a 23 year old.

    At school/college/Uni, you are in an environment with people your age, which is naturally social. Now I'm working, mainly with people who are quite a bit older than me, so find it hard to meet new people.

    I'm also a bit down about being single, particularly since more of my friends are getting girlfriends. But I'm less social now that I've ever been, and don't know how I can meet new friends, or potential partners.

    I shouldn't really complain, because I'm very lucky that I got a job relevant to my degree. I do enjoy my job, but it just doesn't feel satisfying. You're in education for 18 years, to prepare for the "real world", and when you get there it just doesn't feel worth it. The wages are poor, progress seems years away, and I'll need to do yet more exams to get anywhere.

    Plus, I'm struggling living at home. At Uni, the balance was perfect. It was semi-independent. I had freedoms I've never had before, but still had that close connection to home. Now I feel like I'm under the thumb of my parents, and that my life has thoroughly regressed. I didn't mind living at home at age 18, but once you've had something more, and by age 23, it just feels a bit empty by comparison.

    So I'm really looking for advice:
    - Has anyone else been/is in, this kind of situation? How did you get through it?
    - How do you meet new people in your 20's, outside of work?
    - How did you cope moving back home after Uni?
    - What do you think I could do to improve my current friendships?

    Thanks for reading
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    I could have wrote most of that myself.

    If it's any consolation I feel just as lonely and I stayed in my uni city. At least you have your parents to talk to at the weekend, more than me. I haven't spoken to another human being outside of work since Christmas. I finish work on Friday evening knowing full well that the next time I speak to anyone will be when I get back in the office Monday morning.

    I haven't done anything socially in months and have absolutely no friends here, and i'm sick of it. Meeting new people post uni seems impossible, especially when you're really shy.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I'm going through EXACTLY what you're going through that it's actually quite scary. I graduated from university in 2014 and converted to law in 2015. I'm finding it really difficult to find a job in law as even as a paralegal, so I'm just volunteering at the moment. It's been really disheartening actually as I was just rejected by a law firm this morning

    All my uni friends aren't near and I don't feel close to my school friends anyway. most of them have just forgotten about me anyway which isn't nice. I spend my time just going to the gym and watching films at home with my parents.

    I can't help with overcoming this feeling because I'm going through it still. Just believe things will get better and that you're not alone. Maybe you could see if there are any sports clubs or volunteering opportunities in your area to help meet people? Would you try something like online dating?

    Hope this helps! And remember, you're not alone in feeling like this!
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I agree with what you've both said, the transition from Uni to "real world" is far more difficult than I ever imagined. I do feel a bit bad for moaning about my situation, because I know other people have it worse.

    I think the best thing to do is just trying to keep as busy as possible, I'm considering joining the gym, and who knows, maybe I'll give online dating a go.

    I hope both of you can manage to get through the difficulties your facing at the minute
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    I know this is no help at all....but welcome to adulthood/your 20s.

    The amount of social opportunities at school and uni are not representative of the amount in the real world. People grow up and grow apart - it's very common and normal and it becomes noticeable very suddenly in your early 20s.

    You spend most of your waking life as an adult with the people you work with - if you don't have much in common with colleagues then you have to look elsewhere for friends but that's much easier said than done when you work most hours of the day and in the remaining time all you have the energy to do is eat, sleep, wash, and iron your uniform for the next day.

    You have to really work on friendships to maintain them or develop them as an adult.



    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Just found quite an interesting article about this subject actually. It's mainly aimed at men, but I would guess it applies to women as well...

    https://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/why-...s-in-their-20s
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok, I'll warn in advance, this post is a bit lengthy, so...

    TLR

    I'm after some advice as I've been feeling down since leaving Uni. I find living back at home, my job and declining social life to be unsatisfying. Any advice?

    Now the longer version...

    I left Uni in 2014, and got a 2:1 degree from an average university.

    I started in 2011, and found the transition of moving from home to be very difficult. I didn't like my flatmates, struggled with the work, and felt quite resentful towards university. However, things got better, I met some great people in second and third year, and had two of the greatest years of my life.

    But after moving back home, it's got harder. I used to have six close friends at home. Really, this has now declined to three. This is because three of them stayed in their Uni cities and I barely see them anymore. In Sixth Form, I had a wider circle of friends (or acquaintances), who I also lost touch with.

    Since I've moved home, my social life has suffered a marked decline, both by comparison to Sixth Form and Uni. I suppose, as we're all working, we have less time now. But that shouldn't be an excuse. I find myself sat at home with my Mum and Dad most weekends, which is a bit depressing for a 23 year old.

    At school/college/Uni, you are in an environment with people your age, which is naturally social. Now I'm working, mainly with people who are quite a bit older than me, so find it hard to meet new people.

    I'm also a bit down about being single, particularly since more of my friends are getting girlfriends. But I'm less social now that I've ever been, and don't know how I can meet new friends, or potential partners.

    I shouldn't really complain, because I'm very lucky that I got a job relevant to my degree. I do enjoy my job, but it just doesn't feel satisfying. You're in education for 18 years, to prepare for the "real world", and when you get there it just doesn't feel worth it. The wages are poor, progress seems years away, and I'll need to do yet more exams to get anywhere.

    Plus, I'm struggling living at home. At Uni, the balance was perfect. It was semi-independent. I had freedoms I've never had before, but still had that close connection to home. Now I feel like I'm under the thumb of my parents, and that my life has thoroughly regressed. I didn't mind living at home at age 18, but once you've had something more, and by age 23, it just feels a bit empty by comparison.

    So I'm really looking for advice:
    - Has anyone else been/is in, this kind of situation? How did you get through it?
    - How do you meet new people in your 20's, outside of work?
    - How did you cope moving back home after Uni?
    - What do you think I could do to improve my current friendships?

    Thanks for reading
    Very similar to my situation, except I don't have a job. I have met some new people though, through joining clubs and volunteering opportunities. I joined a martial arts club which is good fun. I don't particularly enjoy being at home, parents are impossible ('why do you never talk to us after we come in from work and stay in your room all the time?' then 'why are you down here bothering us, go away'). Have drifted from my friends, since I don't have much in common with them any more (I never did to be honest but it's become much more obvious now). I am considering moving back to my uni city (London) but its not really financially viable. But meeting people interested in the same things as me is making it bearable, so I would advise you to go out and join clubs. It's not always a bad thing to have friends who are a little older than you.
    Offline

    6
    ReputationRep:
    - Has anyone else been/is in, this kind of situation? How did you get through it?
    Yes. I lost all my uni friends after I finished uni. I didn't have a job and I had only 2 friends left (people I hadn't met at uni). Basically I concentrated on 3 things: finding a job, finding new friends and doing sports. Sports help, it allowed me to go out. I found a job and new friends too. I go out with them very often now.

    - How do you meet new people in your 20's, outside of work?
    Good question. Can't really help you, I was really lucky. That was about 2 years ago, I was with one of my 2 friends. His girlfriend invited a girl, I met her. I saw her again and she introduced me to her group of friends. I kept seeing them week after week and I met a lot of new people with them. I went from 2 friends to about 30 thanks to her. So... friends of a friend maybe?

    - What do you think I could do to improve my current friendships?
    Try to keep your uni friends. But if they're not making any efforts, just forget about them. Friendship is a two way street. At least you did what you could, the rest is up to them.

    I was there! Believe me, I was there. With no friends (well 2 but I didn't see them that often), no job, no girlfriend. I had absolutely nothing. With some patience and a bit of luck, I did it. I still have no girlfriend but I have a job and more importantly friends that I love. You can do it too. There will be better times
    • #2
    #2

    Has anyone else been/is in, this kind of situation? How did you get through it?

    Yes I have. When I left uni I decided to stay in my university town as I had friends in the their second and third years, like you I met them later in uni. I thought staying in the town would be a good idea but I ended up getting ignored and not included. I was living in a shared house with a contract but I wanted to go back to my hometown making me fall out with everyone. I felt so lonely and depressed but I decided to focuses on looking for work. I applied for a placement abroad through my university that I'm on now which now given me back my motivation. In between then I went on holiday to various countries to get my mind off things. I now focus more of quality of people and quantity of people.


    How do you meet new people in your 20's, outside of work?

    Go travelling on your own. I thought be only person on my own but there was other people the same age doing the same. I'm still good friends with most of them. So I suggest that, there are loads of places online for people between 18 to 30 who don't want the clubbing type holidays. It worked for me personally so I always recommend to anyone.

    How did you cope moving back home after Uni?

    It was hard to begin with because my hometown friends moved on too but there a few friends still about. You just have to learn how to busy without anyone and just focus on that.


    What do you think I could do to improve my current friendships?

    This is hard but I wouldn't message them all the time, but if they ever doing a major event or something in their lives then say hello. In your hometown ask to go out for a drink now and again. You don't want seem like you hate them
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 12, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Has a teacher ever helped you cheat?
    Useful resources
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Write a reply...
    Reply
    Hide
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.