Family Stuff-ahhhhhh

Hello! I just wondered whether you would be kind enough to offer a different perspective on this or any words of wisdom?

Youngest brother
We are a group of four siblings. Three of us are all nearly in our 20s. The youngest is 18. Dad lavishes the youngest with stuff (Nintendo gamecube, PC, ninendo DS, nintendo gameboy (the new one), and a dvd camcorder). Despite having failed some of his gcses and failed retakes, and having a further retake exam in the next few weeks, dad decides to buy him a Ninendo Wii for his birthday next week. It doesn't make sense, dad has spent all afternoon accusing him of not studying then half an hour later gets him the wii. Also, I might add, that the other three of us, work bloody hard for our exams, have got various degrees and work etc, and we dont get anything. I feel as if we have our faces rubbed into it. The youngest gets books etc for his exams and money from both of our parents. When we were 18, we didn't get anything like that. When I confront my dad about this, I get screamed at for interferring and that I should shut up. I've also learnt never to ask for anything ie money wise (despite my money probs in the past) as the answer would always be 'sorry i dont have any money'; but in the next sentence, dad is extremely keen to give money to his sons if they need it.

Decoration/building stuff
I came back from uni this weekend to find that all of my youngest bros stuff had been scattered into my room. This includes everything, wardrobes, pc, dirty laundry etc. His muddy shoes, inches of dirt, dust AND dirty underwear etc were all over my velvet throw. I couldn't even get into my room as the wardrobes and tables had been literally thrown into my room without any regard for my stuff. I came back and burst into tears. Apparently, dad thought it would be fine to destroy my room as I would never know (he assumed that I would not be back for a while). Dad also said that there wasn't any time to carefully place his stuff in my room. THIS WAS CRAP as it took me less than 15mins to move stuff off my bed.

I would be very keen to hear your opinions on this. Has anyone got any advice? I hope I don't sound like a moany old cow! I just think its totally unfair and very hurtful. I might be the eldest-I'm in my mid 20s, the only female etc, but I find it very disrespectful and makes me sad.

Reply 1

Bismarck

The more time you spend with your parents, the more you'll hate them. It's best to live alone and only come to visit. Then these problems won't arise.

Reply 2

pikaboo

You have a velvet throw? Wooo, posh!

Well the first problem I see was that you 'confronted' your dad about his parenting skills. NEVER DO THIS. You're doubtful to get a good response unless you discuss it as gently as you can and even then parents never take kindly to interference. Since you've effectively left home now by going to uni, you can't really expect the same treatment as your younger siblings (though I know it's hard to get used to this). My mum uses my room as her dressing room even when I am back home, and all the space I get is literally my pillow and nothing else.

I haven't found an ideal solution to this either except for lots of advanced warning about when you'll be home, and helping around the house as much as you can and accepting that you're not going to be treated the same as those who are living there all the time. If it gets that bad, remember you can always escape to uni :smile:

Reply 3

randomgirl

Can't you tell your dad what you've told us? Or is he not the understanding type?

What does your mum think of it all? Or does she not live with your dad?

I think you have two choices, a) tell your dad how you feel and hope it gets resolved or b) put up with it and look forward to going back to uni/or getting out of the house!

good luck x

Reply 4

Lady_Darkness

If you keep your parents happy and play the model daughter, then you'll have waaaay more influence than if you go flying into arguments with them. Arguments just wind them up and make them less susceptible (sp?) to what you're saying. Just wheedle your way onto their good side and make subtle comments and suggestions about your bro.
Don't openly criticise... just gentle encouragement (kinda sounds like bringing up children / pets, but hey, same method works! :p:

)

A bit of warning before you get back may help the room situation... there's always panic if I turn up unannounced as there's usually someone else sleeping in my room. When you move out there's just no respect for your things! Just a way of life, I'm afraid.