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Not really sure what my role in this life is. Watch

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    Sorry, most people probably feel like this. I guess I just wanted to tell someone.

    My mother tells me everyday that I need to change myself; grow more confident, sociable, likable. She tells me that and I tell her I don't know how to change. Obviously she doesn't know either because she ends the conversation by saying that if she wasn't my mother she wouldn't want to talk to me either, and would immediately walk away. (Frankly, I wouldn't want to talk to me either).

    I'm not sure what to do anymore. I've read up on how to become better. People don't like you? Just become more confident, intellectual, humorous! But i don't know how to do that. I have social anxiety and i don't know how to speak to others. My lack of confidence stems from so much; my grades are falling, i barely see my friends anymore, who have moved on to better things, teachers ignore me, my own family ignores me because 'i am annoying and too serious'.

    If I am that much of a problem and people ignore me, then why am I even here?

    I wish I could do things I want to find out more about what I want to do but I have no money to do that; like going on trips, going to clubs, taking up a hobby that does not involve holing up at home. I'm not good
    at anything I do right now. My life will be going to university, probably going into finance, since i'm not sure what I want to do. Maybe i won't even succeed in getting a stable job, considering my plummeting grades.

    Do you think I'm just feeling too sorry for myself? Because sometimes i feel like thinking like this is just being pathetic. Like I should get a grip. Honestly, I just don't understand how 'changing yourself' is easy. Maybe i'm missing something.
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    Tell your mother to shut up because she has clearly failed you.
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    Aww your not alone, i feel the same way. What you need is just abit of lovin, begin with liking yourself and explore yourself. And others will start being attracted to you as you will give off a positive vibe. And one day you'll find something or meet someone and you'll look back to this moment and realise that you've found the meaning of your life
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    I don't think your mum sounds particularly understanding towards you about this, which is a shame. Her making unkind comments like she 'wouldn't want to talk to you either' is hardly going to help and is just going to reinforce how you already feel. Sometimes it's hard for people to empathise if they don't feel the same way themselves. You're definitely right in saying a lot of people don't know their role in life. I definitely don't! And I've spoken to so many people around the 18-30 age group about this (middle aged and older people suffer too!) and they are all just muddling through. It is probably just something that happens when you feel settled and stable in yourself. A lot of people say it happens when you become a parent, but you don't need to wait until that happens.

    Sometimes online articles are too vague and generalised so it is difficult to apply them to your own specific situation. I do still struggle with anxiety myself but there are tons of books I read on my Kindle that have helped me and I felt like it really made sense and I could relate to a lot of what it was saying. Two good ones were Brain Lock and The Imp of the Mind but there are loads of helpful ones.

    Have you ever though about counselling or cognitive behavioural therapy? You can ask your GP about this and your Mum doesn't have to know. You don't have to feel this way forever, believe me. It's just about taking that step to try and work out why you feel a certain way and how you can maybe look at things in another way that may help you feel better. What do you like about yourself? What do you enjoy doing? What comforts and reassures you when you feel down?


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    Sometimes I feel the same, you are not the only one.
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    BTW, never compare yourself to someone else-this is cancer-the worst thing you can do to yourself.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sorry, most people probably feel like this. I guess I just wanted to tell someone.

    My mother tells me everyday that I need to change myself; grow more confident, sociable, likable. She tells me that and I tell her I don't know how to change. Obviously she doesn't know either because she ends the conversation by saying that if she wasn't my mother she wouldn't want to talk to me either, and would immediately walk away. (Frankly, I wouldn't want to talk to me either).

    I'm not sure what to do anymore. I've read up on how to become better. People don't like you? Just become more confident, intellectual, humorous! But i don't know how to do that. I have social anxiety and i don't know how to speak to others. My lack of confidence stems from so much; my grades are falling, i barely see my friends anymore, who have moved on to better things, teachers ignore me, my own family ignores me because 'i am annoying and too serious'.

    If I am that much of a problem and people ignore me, then why am I even here?

    I wish I could do things I want to find out more about what I want to do but I have no money to do that; like going on trips, going to clubs, taking up a hobby that does not involve holing up at home. I'm not good
    at anything I do right now. My life will be going to university, probably going into finance, since i'm not sure what I want to do. Maybe i won't even succeed in getting a stable job, considering my plummeting grades.

    Do you think I'm just feeling too sorry for myself? Because sometimes i feel like thinking like this is just being pathetic. Like I should get a grip. Honestly, I just don't understand how 'changing yourself' is easy. Maybe i'm missing something.
    I think you sound lost and a little overwhelmed. Its good you wrote a lot of it down becayse that helps you to see your problem. If you analuse most problems you cna work out solutions, which in turn put you in a better place.

    If it were me id make a list of the things I am not happy with and holding me back

    I would then make a wish list of things I would like to achieve.

    I would then start figuring out how to get from A to B.



    If you cant do this on your own, then you could try and get a mentor to help you think things through and guide you.

    Ignore your mum and dont take hurful things to heart. She will love you really, but soemtimes people say things when they are frutsrated. Im not sure whether you have issues, that make you problematic.

    Social anxiety you can work on.

    Confidence and self esteem you can work on.

    Geyying better grades you can work on etc.

    Finding out what you want to do and who you are, are all part of life. We all spend time figuring those things out. You can make a start by opening yourself an account on the national careers site and using some of their toold which help you identify what sort of careers might interest you.

    If you are interested in finance then read up and find out which area and what function you would like.

    A bit of patience and we can all figure out a plan of where we are and what we want to achieve.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sorry, most people probably feel like this. I guess I just wanted to tell someone.

    My mother tells me everyday that I need to change myself; grow more confident, sociable, likable. She tells me that and I tell her I don't know how to change. Obviously she doesn't know either because she ends the conversation by saying that if she wasn't my mother she wouldn't want to talk to me either, and would immediately walk away. (Frankly, I wouldn't want to talk to me either).

    I'm not sure what to do anymore. I've read up on how to become better. People don't like you? Just become more confident, intellectual, humorous! But i don't know how to do that. I have social anxiety and i don't know how to speak to others. My lack of confidence stems from so much; my grades are falling, i barely see my friends anymore, who have moved on to better things, teachers ignore me, my own family ignores me because 'i am annoying and too serious'.

    If I am that much of a problem and people ignore me, then why am I even here?

    I wish I could do things I want to find out more about what I want to do but I have no money to do that; like going on trips, going to clubs, taking up a hobby that does not involve holing up at home. I'm not good
    at anything I do right now. My life will be going to university, probably going into finance, since i'm not sure what I want to do. Maybe i won't even succeed in getting a stable job, considering my plummeting grades.

    Do you think I'm just feeling too sorry for myself? Because sometimes i feel like thinking like this is just being pathetic. Like I should get a grip. Honestly, I just don't understand how 'changing yourself' is easy. Maybe i'm missing something.

    Does you mum nag mine does II hate it. I don't think you're feeling sorry for yourself and your post is really interesting by the way. Finance sounds like a good idea but is it what you want to do? You should explore your interests on UCAS, brainstorm a few ideas and look into anything you like the sound of. Forget about people ignoring you and concentrate on making yourself happy. Your mum sounds like she's not the best of people to be around have you thought of finding your own place to live? Perhaps go to your GP you sound depressed. Depression is quite common amongst young adults don't be afraid to ask for help its what they're there for. I hope you can pick your grades up if not have you considered re doing your A levels?
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    It's a hard one to come to terms with but it is possible to have parents who are bullies. This very much sounds like the case for you op.

    I don't doubt that you are a beautiful and fascinating and worthwhile human being who has has their light dimmed and self esteem damaged by frankly awful parenting.

    Even if you can't leave your family physically, leave them mentally/emotionally. It takes some work but yeah. And then when you get the opportunity to leave physically (uni?) you grab it with both hands.

    It's hard. This is **** that can stay with you for life. I'm speaking from experience. It can feel like a lifelong fight some days but I think the first vital step to take is acceptance: once you see your parents for what they are it becomes easier to reach that point where what they say matters less. It's not always easy but yeah.
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    Your mother has a perceived image of how she wants you to be. Her ego, is having an impact on your development, you’re still figuring out who you are, what you like and what you want to do with your life. She wants you to be all these things and from your post, it is clear that it’s stressing you out, making you anxious.

    As you get older, you will develop and life will unravel for you, the way that it's supposed to. Although it doesn't feel like it right now, one day it will. You can’t live your life, expecting to please everyone else around you. It’s YOUR life, you do what makes YOU happy and no one else.

    What kind of books have you been reading? To me, it sounds like you need to read some books to open your wider mind, on dealing with other people attitudes and behaviours. They really helped me due to personal reasons too.

    Take a look at the reviews on Amazon for Eckhart Tolle, ‘the power of now’. It really helps you in understanding why people are the way that they are, why they act in certain ways and it will help you develop yourself. The back of the book reads: for anyone who feels weighed down by the past or fearful of the future. Link is below, and I really really recommend it.

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/Power-Now-Gu...e+power+of+now

    P.s. don’t be put off by the term ‘spiritual enlightenment’ – it’s nothing to do with god or anything, just you, making you aware of yourself and others around you. If you can't afford to buy the book, take a look at his you tube videos. Please read the reviews on Amazon for his books, it will benefit you so much!

    Really hope you get through this, message me if you have any questions.

    Opaleyes x
 
 
 
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