Is this weird?

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years and 5 months. Recently, he's developed a crush on a friend of ours, a really serious one. He's moping a lot, and constantly saying how he really wishes that he knew whether this guy likes him back or not, and he tells me that he gets adrenalin surges when he sees him but feels really depressed afterwards. All classic symptoms of love sickness.

That's not the bit I find wierd though. I understand that it's human nature and biology, and you can't help who you're attracted to or when you're attracted to them. The weird bit is that I really don't mind at all.

My boyfriend tells me all the time that he loves me, and I know he does, and I love him too. He also sometimes gets upset and says things like "I'm so sorry, you must hate me, I'm such a rubbish boyfriend" and so on. I just reassure him that I understand, and I really don't mind. Heck, I was even scheming a plan to try and get him and this guy to dance together at the ball on friday!

That's the bit that no one else seems to get their heads round, the fact I'm just completely ok with it. Everyone else was like "What?! Aren't you really annoyed?"

I don't know, should I be? Is it weird that I honestly don't mind?

Reply 1

Arteta

15

Yeah i guess you could say it's a little weird, but i'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation for it.

Do you actually want him to go with the other guy instead of you? or do you like the other guy a little bit too?

Reply 2

ßlαcksωαn

17

The fact that he has a crush on someone else is a bit of a worry love!!!

Reply 3

Revd. Mike

OP

17

Gaz.

Yeah i guess you could say it's a little weird, but i'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation for it.

Do you actually want him to go with the other guy instead of you? or do you like the other guy a little bit too?

I did have a big crush on the guy some years ago (beofre I was with my bf), which did take some time getting over. But we are just good friends now.

As for whether I want my bf to be with him rather than me...not exactly, it's not what I "want". If my bf had the opportunity to share a hug/cuddle/kiss whatever with the guy then I don't think I'd mind.

Reply 4

tbm

13

To be honest if I was in that situation, Id be really concerned. Have your feelings for him changed at all?

Reply 5

tinkerbellejess

13

You must be really comfortable in your relationship in order to be ok with that! And to even encourage it?

Reply 6

macintosh

i wouldn't say it's weird if you're comfortable and happy in your relationship. different people like all sorts of unorthodox things so as long as you're all happy it's really not an issue

Reply 7

Pseudomuse

1

it does sound a little weird but really it depends on the person. some people can be really really possessive, you don't sound like that in the slightest.

you are secure in the fact you love your bf and he loves you back. thats a very good quality to have. you know deep down he would never cheat, after all you said we can't help who we are attracted to.

Reply 8

Jelkin

17

The only thing I find slightly weird about you not minding is that your boyfriend says he really wants to know if this other guy likes him back! To me that would indicate that he wants to take it further than friendship. But it's good that you guys have talked about it and I'm glad you have that amount of trust. :biggrin:

Reply 9

salgueira

Doesn't sound too weird. People can have more than one love-interest at a time, we're a bit more complex than that. Just so long as he wouldn't throw a jealous wobbler if you got a crush on someone else.

Reply 10

Fyska

9

Perhaps you just care about him so much, that you just ultimately want to see him happy? It doesn't seem so weird when you think of it like that, but at the same time, how would you feel if you lost him?

Reply 11

Sephiroth

18

Revd. Mike

I did have a big crush on the guy some years ago (beofre I was with my bf), which did take some time getting over. But we are just good friends now.

As for whether I want my bf to be with him rather than me...not exactly, it's not what I "want". If my bf had the opportunity to share a hug/cuddle/kiss whatever with the guy then I don't think I'd mind.

Letting him do that could have bad consequences for your relationship. I can understand the idea of someone getting a crush on someone else during a relationship but it's not something I would accept. While you might be okay with it you need to think about the possibility of him leaving you for this other guy. If you prepare for it then if/when it happens it won't hurt you as much. If he loves that other guy more than you then he'd be happier with the other guy, if he feels the same.

Reply 12

bunthulhu

14

But don't you want to be with your boyfriend? Do you want him to leave you for this guy? :confused:

Reply 13

Louise88

Even though it's human nature, I would be incredibly upset if my boyfriend fancied some other girl. I think I would be completely heart broken.

Looking in on your relationship, people might think it's weird, but it's completely normal for you so don't worry about it. I hope you know what I mean when I say that. I just mean, it doesn't bother you as a person, you're completely comfortable with it therefore it's perfectly normal to feel that way. Others, may not agree but as long as you're okay with it then that's what is important.

Reply 14

Zoecb

11

Monogamy isn't the default for everyone. I think open relationships make loads of sense. I can see myself in an open marriage one day, or a polyamorous relationship maybe. Depends how life turns out!

I think it's really progressive and cool that you feel that way.

Reply 15

*lil star*

mmmm im beginning to think that maybe the love you had for your boyfriend, isnt there anymore and that maybe the reason you dont mind the situation is because you dont care whether your with your boyfriend or not...... im saying this because im trying to see things from your point of view and i really cant see why your ok with it all, i would go MADD!!

but yea i agree with the other, its really good that you two can be honest with each other...... but i am still so confused to why your so okay with it all!!

Reply 16

Nicky!

Maybe you are at the stage where pure, unaldulterated, blinding love has completely engulfed you, and you love him so much jealousy isn't an issue and you are completely serious about each other, at ease and as if you were one. It happens in novels!

I think you should be happy you are fine with it.Its pure altruism. I am envious, as i doubt i will ever get to that stage.

And that's sad, because i truly love my boyfriend.

Good luck with the dance plan! :p:

Reply 17

bunthulhu

14

I'm really surprised at how many people are proclaiming what a good, desirable thing it is to want your parner to go off with someone else :eek2:

Reply 18

Zoecb

11

The concept of sharing caught on bigtime for some people you know, it's not just a fluffy hippie pipe dream.

Reply 19

balloon_parade

14

How is it not weird?

I can understand him fancying someone else as you can't JUST be attracted to one person and crushes are always going to happen but hes moping around wishing he was with him rather than you? What are you a stepping stone until he finds out if this other guy is into him or what?

I don't understand why you're encouraging him to dance with him? Maybe if he gets it out his system or whatever but seriously why are you with him if you know hes really properly into someone else to the point of having 'love sickness'

If it doesnt bother you are you sure you should still be with him seems like your just friends?

Is this weird?

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