So I (25) have been dating this guy (35) for 4 months. We see each other once a week and text all the time. Exclusive but unlabled (yet). We have had sex once (in about 6 weeks), but I didn’t feel too comfortable doing it in an undefined relationship, so I stopped and we now just date in an old-fashioned way. He said it doesn't matter he just liked spending time with me. We have such fun in almost anything we do. We laugh all the time and have deep meaningful conversations. We have got to know each other more and more and are now very good friends.
The reason for us not moving forward despite the fact that: 1. we like each other very much 2. we both are looking for serious relationships is simple: I will be leaving the country to pursue my master degree across the world this September.
On an early date, he revealed he has had traumatic experiences in LDR and addressed he wouldn’t do a LDR ever again (We didn’t know I’d really be leaving at that point). Soon, I decided the degree was crucial to my career (he agrees) and started working on applications vigorously. He’s been very encouraging and supportive. However, he’s been holding back (and admits it) since offers came.
We used to hang out 2-3 times a week and now only once a week. And declined my suggestions of taking a trip together, etc. Me, on the other hand, have been controlling myself not having sex with him. 3 days ago, we had a talk: I told him I was not ready, as I’d become fully committed and invested after sex to the level he might not be ready for.
He said he understood fully and felt the same way. His words like: “If the situation was different, I would see you everyday, do everything together, but you are leaving I don’t want to be someone's boyfriend with an expiration date. Creating too many memories only will just make it much worse when things change. I've done this before. I really don't know if I could offer more.”
I realized only then, 3 days ago, when we had the conversation, there might be a few miscommunication between us as he raised a few concerns:
1). He may believe I’d move to another country and not come back, while actually I've decided to do a 9 months program and I will almost definitely come back.
2). He may believe because I’m young, I’m still exploring and will get easily distracted, while I exactly know what I want: get the degree, find a better job here, settle down within the next 3 yrs.
I just realized the above miscommunication have probably existed since we started dating, which may be the reasons + his LDR traumas, he’s holding back. I sort of cleared up point 1 and 2 during the conversation we had 3 days ago.It was the first time I raised those points. I didn't want to push or sell him the LDR idea, I just made it clear I had no problem doing one. He went into deep thoughts and we didn't reach a conclusion nor was I expecting one.
It’s been 3 days. Nothing changed (no initiating meetups) except he's become more initiative and extra sweet in texting. I think/hope he's in the process of decision making...What does the situation look like to you? What would you do if you were in my situation? Would you retreat or stay status quo and wait for his move?
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Exclusive but undefined relationship, he doesn't want to do LDR? watch
- Thread Starter
- 08-03-2016 12:34
- 08-03-2016 12:50
He's old af
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