Boyfriend going on holiday with the lads

Hey everyone, I need a bit of advice.

I've been going out with my boyfriend at uni for just under a month. We're both 19. Although its early days in the relationship we get on well and I really really like him. In about a month hes going away on a Club 18-30 lad's holiday with his best mates and I'm feeling a bit uneasy about it. Its not because I dont trust him, its just that they seem intent on having a really mad lads holiday - full of 'booze and birds' etc.

I'm not a jealous person (at least I try not to be, I'm pretty easy going) but I have a slight inkling of what its going to be like. His best mates are very much of the opinion that its a holiday and what happens on holiday stays on holiday. Ive taken that to mean that even if he did cheat, Id never know about it.

I'm a bit worried now coz theyve been planning it for ages and as I'm the new girlfriend, I'm paranoid he'll cheat coz we havent been together that long. The thought of him surrounded by fit girls in bikinis doesnt exactly fill me with joy either lol.

Its so difficult coz we're breaking up for summer soon so I wont see him for ages before he goes anyway. I dont want to talk to him about it coz I dont want to appear clingy and paranoid. Any advice? What are these holidays like, is it likely something will happen?

Reply 1

Eau

15

Let this be the test whether he's trustworthy or not.

Reply 2

Missy_Robbo

I was like that with an X of mine, but he found out what i was thinking and told me he would have just preffered me being onest with him! I think if you want the truth, the only person u wil get it of is him! I think you should ask him, but dont make it sound like a direct question, just talk to him about the holiday in general and try and make a joke of it, that way he wont think u are being over protective, but he will know that it is tickling your brain!

Good luck, if hes a keeper, he wont do anything to hurt you!

[x]

Reply 3

--

3

It completely depends on your boyfriend as to what he does or doesn't do. If he wants to cheat there'll be plenty of opportunity, but if he doesn't then he won't.

Reply 4

username47781

20

If he values your relationship he will not cheat while he is on holiday.

Reply 5

2late

13

It depends what type of guy he is and how much he values your relationship.

Talk to him about it- communication is the key.

Also, ask him directly whether he's going with an attitude to cheat or be faithful.

See if he gets easily influenced by his friends.

Reply 6

Rooftopcowboy

12

You've just got to trust him really

he has to have fun (by that i mean having a laugh with his friends, not cheating) he can't just be sat in the same room as you in a rocking chair with pipe and slippers all his life.

I see no reason why he wouldn't be able to go out, get really drunk etc and stay faithful, theres no rule that says you have to pull on a lads holiday, he can still have a good time.

Reply 7

shona

10

I think you should talk to him.

If my boyfriend wanted to jet off somewhere on a lads' holiday, I wouldn't have a problem. We've talked to each other about our relationship often enough for me to know that he values it very much and wouldn't do anything to jeopardise it. Oh, I'm sure he'd look at the hot women in bikinis and he'd discuss their finer merits with the other blokes, but he would never do anything that would hurt me, e.g. chat them up, kiss them, etc.

None of us here can guess accurately what your boyfriend will or won't do - it very much depends on whether he's a loser or a decent guy. Hopefully he's a decent guy as you've chosen to go out with him and you think he's great, but it's only through talking to him that you'll get the answer you need.

:hugs:

Reply 8

libertin

I remember reading something similar to this on an advice column answered by Ruby Wax. Albeit, she advised the writer to dump this guy, which is a bit extreme imo. But you should make it clear to him that if he comes back with crabs - and not the ones from the beach - then you won't be at all amused.

Reply 9

silverbolt

19

if hes decent he wont cheat, if hes not he will. If you beleive he will be faithful then there is no need to worry about it.

If hes not a decent guy then he will cheat and you will never know the difference.

either way you need to decide where to go either way

Reply 10

louisedotcom

13

To be honest theres no point even worrying about it. I know thats probably alot easier said than done but ultimatly if hes going to cheat hes going to do it regardless of whether or not your sitting there tearing your hair out worrying about all the fit girls in bikinis and the fact that him and his mates are going to get a bit drunk.

As others have said if he is decent then it wont even cross his mind and you have nothing to worry about. If theres a slight doubt in your mind regarding whether or not you can trust him the only thing you can do really is to raise your concerns with him.

Although you'll have to careful with your words otherwise you risk coming across as the posessive, jelous girlfriend type which I doubt would go down well.

My boyfriend has been away on 'lads' holidays for the last 2 years and is going again this year- it has never bothered me in the slightest. I trust him 100% and know that he would never do anything that would compromise our relationship.

Reply 11

smellielli

1

Talk to him if you feel uncomfortable about it. But you can't stop him from going.

Reply 12

decky1989

1

i know a few people who were going steady who 2 timed there partners wile on holiday but i dont know which is more common for partners to stay faithful or cheat while on holiday. the only way you'll find out is by asking him when he is back from his holiday and you should know by his reaction! hope this helps..

Reply 13

pumpkin7

13

it probably won't be like you imagine it..

but gah.. let him go.

Reply 14

Eubacterium

13

Tell him how you feel. His your bf so it's not paranoid to not want him to cheat. What he might say may change your mind. Ask him exactly what will be invloved during the holiday. Also stay in touch with him, even text him during the holiday.

Reply 15

Jelkin

17

Tell him that his mates' attitudes to the holiday bother you slightly and ask if he won't be really bored being the only one not pulling. See what he says. It might even be worth just mentioning your worries (and that they are the result of the idea that you have gained about the holiday from his friends), unless you really do think that would go down that badly.

Reply 16

grace

15

personally i really don't understand why someone would go on that kind of holiday if they didn't plan on getting some action.

i would have thought a guy would way prefer to go on holiday with his girlfriend than to surround himself with temptation he can't have, or give in and feel rubbish.

it just doesn't make sense to me.

Reply 17

trouttrout

He'll have his end away at every oppurtunity.

Reply 18

--

3

grace

personally i really don't understand why someone would go on that kind of holiday if they didn't plan on getting some action.

i would have thought a guy would way prefer to go on holiday with his girlfriend than to surround himself with temptation he can't have, or give in and feel rubbish.

it just doesn't make sense to me.

Because its a laugh? You don't HAVE to have sex with them and not every single minute of every single day of a lads holiday is about getting laid. :smile:

Reply 19

grace

15

3232

Because its a laugh? You don't HAVE to have sex with them and not every single minute of every single day of a lads holiday is about getting laid. :smile:

'it's a laugh' - one of those ellusive phrases used by men to justify going to strip clubs/getting completely ******ed/acting like a complete idiot.

none of these things people say are 'a laugh' sound particularly funny to me.

Boyfriend going on holiday with the lads

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