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I've found my long lost father watch

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    Im 19. my Dad left when i was 4 . he walked out on us as soon as he got his permanent stamp here in the UK from India. He beat up my mum and threw me as a child on the table and had an affair.

    I have found him on Facebook. His wife is a solicitor- i did try to add her on Facebook, but she blocked me. Only because i could not find him..

    But i finally have, and i am planning to message him. But not sure what to say?
    can someone please help me...

    Also , i am aware he has 2 children..
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    Why would you even like to message a person who beat your mum and threw you?
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    That's a tough one. First, perhaps start by saying that you would like to get to know him? Tell him how you feel about not having a relationship. Be honest with him but also you need to prepare yourself for the fact that he might not be prepared for it though.

    There isn't much more that I can say to be honest , because I can't tell how you feel It might be better if you explain who you are and say you would like to meet up in person, then go on about how you feel to avoid being too forward. It all depends on what it is that you want to get off your chest.

    I know if that was me I don't think I'd want to be trying to get in touch with him but understandably I can also see why you may want some closure or to ask him some things. Unfortunately, fathers don't always turn out to be good, anything other than sperm donors. For you I hope that the fact he has two children may mean he's changed.
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    (Original post by -CarpeDiem-)
    That's a tough one. First, perhaps start by saying that you would like to get to know him? Tell him how you feel about not having a relationship. Be honest with him but also you need to prepare yourself for the fact that he might not be prepared for it though.

    There isn't much more that I can say to be honest , because I can't tell how you feel It might be better if you explain who you are and say you would like to meet up in person, then go on about how you feel to avoid being too forward. It all depends on what it is that you want to get off your chest.

    I know if that was me I don't think I'd want to be trying to get in touch with him but understandably I can also see why you may want some closure or to ask him some things. Unfortunately, fathers don't always turn out to be good, anything other than sperm donors. For you I hope that the fact he has two children may mean he's changed.

    Well i wanted answers of why he left us.. and why he treated my mother the way he did.
    And why he did not stay in contact with me.. but i want these answers face to face. My mum is aware of the situation and she is happy for me to go out my way to meet him.
    I am currently stuck on what to message him. I AM SO SCARED
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    Mate I would have to hold myself back if I decided to meet up with my dad knowing he did that to my mum. I wouldn't even have questions to me it would be irrelevant and I probably wouldn't be able to forgive him for it.
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    (Original post by fearless96)
    Im 19. my Dad left when i was 4 . he walked out on us as soon as he got his permanent stamp here in the UK from India. He beat up my mum and threw me as a child on the table and had an affair.

    I have found him on Facebook. His wife is a solicitor- i did try to add her on Facebook, but she blocked me. Only because i could not find him..

    But i finally have, and i am planning to message him. But not sure what to say?
    can someone please help me...

    Also , i am aware he has 2 children..
    Just a quick disclaimer... He might not actually want to talk to you, so be prepared for that.

    He sounds like a scumbag, you and your mum might be better off without him but I guess it's best to do what you actually want.

    Good luck, hopefully you'll get what you're looking for!
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    He sounds like an *******

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Why would you even like to message a person who beat your mum and threw you?
    Have just asked the same.

    To give you an advice: ignore him for the rest of your and mum's life. If he would be interest in a meeting with you, he would already have tried everything to find you.
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    (Original post by fearless96)
    Im 19. my Dad left when i was 4 . he walked out on us as soon as he got his permanent stamp here in the UK from India. He beat up my mum and threw me as a child on the table and had an affair.

    I have found him on Facebook. His wife is a solicitor- i did try to add her on Facebook, but she blocked me. Only because i could not find him..

    But i finally have, and i am planning to message him. But not sure what to say?
    can someone please help me...

    Also , i am aware he has 2 children..
    i believe the best way to start a conversation is to say hi
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    (Original post by Andy98)
    He sounds like an *******

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    That is right. Such fathers should be smashed in their faces, if children meet them accidentally.
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    (Original post by Kallisto)
    That is right. Such fathers should be smashed in their faces, if children meet them accidentally.
    Aye, I would show no mercy and return all the **** they gave me.
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    (Original post by Andy98)
    Aye, I would show no mercy and return all the **** they gave me.
    Yeah, that is the right attitude. That is why I like yours. Screw the violence, man!
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    (Original post by Kallisto)
    Yeah, that is the right attitude. That is why I like yours. Screw the violence, man!
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    (Original post by fearless96)
    Well i wanted answers of why he left us.. and why he treated my mother the way he did.
    And why he did not stay in contact with me.. but i want these answers face to face. My mum is aware of the situation and she is happy for me to go out my way to meet him.
    I am currently stuck on what to message him. I AM SO SCARED
    Awww :console: don't be so scared! Try to calm down and come to terms with the fact you don't know how he'll react. It's clear what you want and I don't really know how to help with the message tbh. All I will say is you should probably write this yourself. That way, you'll be writing from the heart and you might stand a greater chance of showing him how much this means to you. Give it a bit of time if you're really stuck. Your mum's with you on this one so try not to worry or stress too much. Good luck with everything :hugs:

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    He sounds like an ********. Any parent that walks out on their children are terrible people, in my opinion.

    You can message him if you want, but like another user has said, he may not want to see you or even talk. Just message him telling him who you are, how you have wanted to see/talk to him for a very long time, and then ask if he's willing to do so. It's best to ask for answers irl rather than through a message, since it might cause hesitation on his part to meet up/talk.
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    (Original post by drowzee)
    He sounds like an ********. Any parent that walks out on their children are terrible people, in my opinion.
    (...)
    Not only in yours, not only in yours! parents who give responsibility for children up in that way are really bad.
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    don't see what you would say?
    I've come across my dad several times since he and my mum split and it's just like passing a stranger, when we both know who the other is as well. we look at each other and may or may not nod up at each other, but nothing else.

    because there's nothing to say.

    I mean I just don't know what you could say...

    go the formal but direct approach:

    "Hi, I'm (your name) and my mother is (your mum's name), who you had a kid with in (your birth year) but you left her in (whichever year he left)."

    or go the flame war way:
    "hey dad. yea that's right you're my dad if that's what you wanna call it you filthy *******!"

    :yy:
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    (Original post by fearless96)
    Im 19. my Dad left when i was 4 . he walked out on us as soon as he got his permanent stamp here in the UK from India. He beat up my mum and threw me as a child on the table and had an affair.

    I have found him on Facebook. His wife is a solicitor- i did try to add her on Facebook, but she blocked me. Only because i could not find him..

    But i finally have, and i am planning to message him. But not sure what to say?
    can someone please help me...

    Also , i am aware he has 2 children..
    Talking to someone who beat your mum up kinda implies you think what he did was acceptable? If you had morale's you wouldn't but clearly your seeking something, so maybe seeing an evil person can given you closure?
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    "hi dad, although you threw me on a table and hit my mum, want a relationship?"


    erm, what
 
 
 
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