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Strict pakistani parents making me depressed? Watch

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    (Original post by Zargabaath)
    Not pakistani, but i ****ing hate socially conservative parents like that too. Need a slap tbh.
    Are your parents strict?
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by MrsSheldonCooper)
    Is there any chance that you could move out? You're over 18 and so you could legally.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    They werent ready to send me to a uni outside of the city doubt theyd let me kove out
    Most asian parents will not let their daughter move out before marriage which sucks.
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    This isn't a direct response to you OP. But in general, I'd like to address something.

    Most Asians, whether you're Islamic, Hindu, Sikh, etc... often have to go through a strict, and I mean strict, religious upbringing. I'd say my parents have been quite strict, however they have also given me more freedom than they ever had and I'm grateful for it. I'm super sensitive to topics like these because it triggers the past and the present for me. Having all of these guidelines is overwhelming at times. Being told who you can and can't date, who you can and can't hang around with and what you can and can't do. I used to think it was because they want to protect us. Perhaps a fraction of that remains that way, however I realise now that their own upbringing has caused them to impose these restrictions on us, and it's more about what they think is acceptable. It's very hard. I'm fine with the whole dating aspect e.g. finding a girl who's willing to follow and learn about our culture and support that and what not. Dating doesn't even concern me right now, but it pops up as I think about my future a lot. It's really unpredictable. Honestly, I'm just taking on life as it comes and that's all I can afford to do for now. I would go more into detail however, I think that's something for the PMs. Let me know if you're struggling with coping with all of this (OP and others welcome) and I'll be here to listen and take in what you have to say. It's a broad topic which I can only truly express in private. Thanks, and sorry for your circumstances OP.
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    I would say one thing that annoys me the most is when my parents say something along the lines of: 'You can't really marry a girl who isn't vegetarian like us.' Like are you being serious? It's not like I'll be eating meat, I'll stay true to what I believe in. I don't even see it being a problem but my parents do. Ugh, tough life. --'
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    (Original post by BrokenLife)
    Are your parents strict?
    Thankfully not, although they there are some times when they wind me up because they do certain things based off culture as opposed to common sense. Relatively speaking though, they're fairly liberal.
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    My parents are pretty much exactly like your's, except I'm a guy and I'm almost 22. Can't wait to move out for uni later this year. Worst part is I'm not even a Muslim anymore, so it takes a lot to have to pretend until I'm ready to come out with it.

    But I completely agree with you issue, the whole obsession with 'our family image' is ridiculous. My relatives would force my sister's to take off their reading glasses when guests came over, because somehow that was a sign of something bad. I absolutely despise the culture. So many moronic values and beliefs.
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    (Original post by Zargabaath)
    Thankfully not, although they there are some times when they wind me up because they do certain things based off culture as opposed to common sense. Relatively speaking though, they're fairly liberal.
    Lucky you! Some desi things will always remain there in our desi parents but at least generally, your parents aren't strict. You have no idea how lucky you are!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is anon bcos people know me on here and i want different opinions.

    Today walking down from uni, i was walking with a guy from my course just as friends. My parents walked past us as i was expecting them to anyway and then went shopping with them.
    My mum expressed her feelings to me pretty much there and then. My dad did later on. Saying how i dont care about anyone but myself and that i shouldnt be doing things like that because "what would people say?" I literally fricking hate that line so much. Who cares what people say. I mean seriously so many pakistani girls and guys go and do much worse than walking down the road with a friend. I have been in a relationship previously and they know that and i was dumped. From then i said to them that i wont engage in any relationship before marriage. And i wont. But why cant they understand that me and him are just friends? My dads overreaction is that if i fail my exams this year thats it hes pulling me out of uni to cook and clean in the house. No fricking way. At this point in time whenever i go to uni i hate coming home. Constant do this so that. Then when i do sot down to study they call me to something else. Then when i try and take a break i get moaned at tor not studyiny. I just dont understand the ****ing logic. Ughhhhh.

    I mean ive been feeling down a lot lately. For about a week now ive been feeling "depressed". At first i thought maybe because i was lonely, despite having a lot of people to talk to you can feel like that i guess. But its just been going on now and i dont know why. Like i understand my parents point of view on things. But theyre so narrowminded. I mean i wasnt smoking, or drinking or anything bad, was walking with a guy friend like honestly iy just gets to me how annoying they can be.

    Generally i just dont feel happy with anything.
    I am muslim, and i know islam has rules and regulations to he followed and im trying my best but i doubt islam says dont have male friends.
    Being muslim in this state of mind i try and pray and listen to Qur'an and soothe myself hut once i stop i go back to being in a down mood most of the time. Just feel so much pressure on myself.
    I end up crying at weirdest of times. I just start crying in my room while studying, in bed, in lectures, randomly in uni ill end up bursting into tears.

    Sorry for the long rant. But i just need some advice.
    Thanks for reading it u got this far
    What you have to understand is asian parents grew up differently to you, where their values and morals were different. When they say things like this, bear that in mind. Try talking to them about how he is just a friend, but its difficult to change their views. Again, remind yourself that this is how all asian parents are and they arent as liberal as you. The worst thing that can happen is that you fail uni, all because of narrow minded asian parents.

    Are you planning an arranged marriage? if so how do you feel about that?
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    I'm from a Pakistani background and can relate with this. If these things didn't happen to me it happened to my other friends who come from a religious/ cultural upbringing. I know that these things really suck and everyone who says something along the lines of "move out" don't actually reconsider how hard this is. Asians don't leave their parents house unless they're in their 20s and have a job or are married etc so it can be difficult. I think you should just grit your teeth and deal with it in the best way possible until you finish your education. In a weird twisted way they care but have a funny way of showing it. They can only shout so much. I started to rebel when I wasn't allowed to go out and at first I had to deal with a lot of shouting but I call my parents when I'm out or I'll introduce them to my friends so that they can trust that I'm not doing anything dodgy. Perhaps, talk to your parents and try and make them understand that this whole "honour" mentality doesn't effect you or them. You are your own individual and at the end of the day, do what you want to do. They can make empty threats but I doubt they'll actually act up anything.
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    (Original post by BrokenLife)
    Lucky you! Some desi things will always remain there in our desi parents but at least generally, your parents aren't strict. You have no idea how lucky you are!
    I'm definitely grateful for my parents, especially when I see how strict my Dad's brother's families are. Feel sorry for one of my cousins especially.

    I'm assuming yours are quite strict? Considering the thread you posted and what you've wrote here.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Oblivion99)
    Im half Pakistani, and if my parents acted like that My mum is from Lahore where women are "sort of" liberated, I mean they go university, not appointed to domestic duties etc.
    Have you ever been to Lahore? :lol:
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    (Original post by Zargabaath)
    I'm definitely grateful for my parents, especially when I see how strict my Dad's brother's families are. Feel sorry for one of my cousins especially.

    I'm assuming yours are quite strict? Considering the thread you posted and what you've wrote here.
    So lucky!!! Well, its good for you

    Ahh please don't even ask me. Mine are a nightmare. My parents are divorced so my step mum doesn't really care what I do haha but my father is one sexist, discriminative and controlling man. And he knows that I'm a complete opposite of him, hence, he tries his best to control my life even more which is why life sucks for me. However, I do have some plans, so let's hope they work out.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Oblivion99)
    Seriously, I feel like I will die soon if I cannot live my life the way I wish to.
    :console:

    I feel like this too. :bricks:
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    That make one of us. I am also pakistani. and i'v been through the same situation. even though i am a boy but still they are strict as hell. I know how you feel. It's not easy to tolerate these things. But alas it will only pass when you are married. in case you husband is broadminded. but it's the culture in here. You can't change it. there only two ways first move on or tolerate for your parent's sake.
    anyway i am from quetta. where are you from in pakistan?
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    :console:

    I feel like this too. :bricks:
    Ugh, quoted the wrong person somehow. BrokenLife, the quoted message was meant to quote your post, not Oblivion's. :facepalm:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ugh, quoted the wrong person somehow. BrokenLife, the quoted message was meant to quote your post, not Oblivion's. :facepalm:
    Lol okay. Yeah, I kind got confused too. But I understand how you feel. Seriously, you can pm me anytime to talk about it because I'm in the same position and it sucks!!! I won't tell anyone.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Amankhanhussain)
    but it's the culture in here. You can't change it. there only two ways first move on or tolerate for your parent's sake.
    anyway i am from quetta. where are you from in pakistan?
    I'm not sure if you're assuming that the OP lives in Pakistan, but this is not the culture in the UK... From the sounds of it, OP is a second generation immigrant, born and raised in the UK.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by BrokenLife)
    Lol okay. Yeah, I kind got confused too. But I understand how you feel. Seriously, you can pm me anytime to talk about it because I'm in the same position and it sucks!!! I won't tell anyone.
    Thank you for offering, but I'm not sure I'm brave enough to do that, at least for now (because I'm fairly well-known here).

    Thanks, though! I'll make sure to let you know if I want to talk about it.
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    Easy to say leave your parents, but they are just that, parents.

    Best to show them you're doing nothing wrong and chat to guys in secret, this is the only way.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
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    (Original post by BrokenLife)
    So lucky!!! Well, its good for you

    Ahh please don't even ask me. Mine are a nightmare. My parents are divorced so my step mum doesn't really care what I do haha but my father is one sexist, discriminative and controlling man. And he knows that I'm a complete opposite of him, hence, he tries his best to control my life even more which is why life sucks for me. However, I do have some plans, so let's hope they work out.
    I'm sorry to hear about that, I really hope your plans do work out. Are you at sixth form at the moment then? Do you plan on moving out for uni, if so?

    :console:
 
 
 
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