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Strict pakistani parents making me depressed? Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm not sure if you're assuming that the OP lives in Pakistan, but this is not the culture in the UK... From the sounds of it, OP is a second generation immigrant, born and raised in the UK.
    I was talking about pakistan's culture. well i got mistaken. i though she lives in pakistan.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by SMEGGGY)
    Easy to say leave your parents, but they are just that, parents.

    Best to show them you're doing nothing wrong and chat to guys in secret, this is the only way.
    And then what? Just keep living a double life indefinitely? Even if that was the best course of action (and it isn't), it wouldn't be possible because she's a girl and her parents will eventually start trying to marry her off.

    The best course of action for her is to finish university, get a job, and move out. That is the only way for her to live freely and happily in the long run.
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by Serine Soul)
    I'm not Pakistani but my parents are so similar. God, I was just sitting here, thinking about how the way they've controlled me and limited all my freedoms has depressed me and made me miss out so many of the basic things people should have.

    In that situation with the guy, I've been in one before. But heck, it doesn't have to involve a guy for that line to be said, 'what will people think?'
    Even if I want to go out with bloody female friends, during the day, that line is dished out too. Idek what goes through their minds, They're so narrow minded it's sickening. Honestly, the sooner this generation ****ing die out, the better.
    OMGGGG YES! EVEN WHEN I WANNA GO OUT WITH GIRLS! They be like "know ur limits" im like yes. I know
    (Original post by BrokenLife)


    OP please pm me. I'm in exact same situation. I feel so depressed because of all of their sexist views restricting my life! I feel like I would die soon if I conform to their social stigmas. Seriously, I feel like I have no control over my life which I don't tbh. And I'm sick and tired because I know what kind of lifestyle I want. It sucks even more because I know who I am and I'm not one of those typical desi daughter who would listen to her parents' sexist, discriminative and restrictive views. Its like I'm so badly trapped and have no idea about what to do with my life although I know exactly what I want in my life. I have this big issue where my parents think I will be okay getting an arranged marriage but I CANNOT AND WILL NOT MARRY A RANDOM GUY WHO I HAVE NOT EVEN TALKED TO. Seriously, I feel like I will die soon if I cannot live my life the way I wish to.
    Ill pm inna bit
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    (Original post by Amankhanhussain)
    unlike you. we are not *******s.
    lmao I'm asian.
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    #1

    (Original post by BristolFresher15)
    My parents are pretty much exactly like your's, except I'm a guy and I'm almost 22. Can't wait to move out for uni later this year. Worst part is I'm not even a Muslim anymore, so it takes a lot to have to pretend until I'm ready to come out with it.

    But I completely agree with you issue, the whole obsession with 'our family image' is ridiculous. My relatives would force my sister's to take off their reading glasses when guests came over, because somehow that was a sign of something bad. I absolutely despise the culture. So many moronic values and beliefs.
    Ok yeh i can see why itd be difficult for u
    (Original post by theconfusedman)
    What you have to understand is asian parents grew up differently to you, where their values and morals were different. When they say things like this, bear that in mind. Try talking to them about how he is just a friend, but its difficult to change their views. Again, remind yourself that this is how all asian parents are and they arent as liberal as you. The worst thing that can happen is that you fail uni, all because of narrow minded asian parents.

    Are you planning an arranged marriage? if so how do you feel about that?
    Well, after they Found out i was with someone a while back they vowed to propose an arranged mariage to me.
    My grandma however has asked me if i like someone in the past which i didnt then when she asked.
    But they havs asked around the "marriage proposal/rishta" aunties to keep an eye out for me. Altho i dont mind thT at all so long as they at least let me live in peace here right now.
    (Original post by Amankhanhussain)
    That make one of us. I am also pakistani. and i'v been through the same situation. even though i am a boy but still they are strict as hell. I know how you feel. It's not easy to tolerate these things. But alas it will only pass when you are married. in case you husband is broadminded. but it's the culture in here. You can't change it. there only two ways first move on or tolerate for your parent's sake.
    anyway i am from quetta. where are you from in pakistan?
    Im from Sahiwal
    Live in the UK
    (Original post by SMEGGGY)
    Easy to say leave your parents, but they are just that, parents.

    Best to show them you're doing nothing wrong and chat to guys in secret, this is the only way.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Ikr, tbh thats what its probably going to come to
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    "what would people say?" I literally fricking hate that line so much. Who cares what people say. I mean seriously so many pakistani girls and guys go and do much worse than walking down the road with a friend.

    My dads overreaction is that if i fail my exams this year thats it hes pulling me out of uni to cook and clean in the house. No fricking way. At this point in time whenever i go to uni i hate coming home.

    I mean ive been feeling down a lot lately. For about a week now ive been feeling "depressed". Like i understand my parents point of view on things. But theyre so narrowminded. I mean i wasnt smoking, or drinking or anything bad, was walking with a guy friend like honestly iy just gets to me how annoying they can be.

    I am muslim, and i know islam has rules and regulations to he followed and im trying my best but i doubt islam says dont have male friends.
    Being muslim in this state of mind i try and pray and listen to Qur'an and soothe myself hut once i stop i go back to being in a down mood most of the time. Just feel so much pressure on myself.
    I end up crying at weirdest of times. I just start crying in my room while studying, in bed, in lectures, randomly in uni ill end up bursting into tears.
    I know the feels. My parents used to say this sh1t to me until I reminded them that one day they'll be in their own grave and I'll be in mine. Nobody cares what other people think because the reality is ... life is too short to give a toss about what other people think. Just chase after what makes you happy and make your short life worth living.

    Its a joke to hear him say that as nobody is perfect, everyone has flaws, even parents. Remind him even the GOATs (greatest of all time) people had to fail in order to get back up but try again. Its not whether if you make/choke it but all that matters is the pursuit of trying again in the end. + He sounds like a sexist
    backward *censored* but I can relate!


    Walking down with a "guy" from university is nothing compared to loads of other "muslims" who secretly do a lot worse such as shisha, drink etc.

    Pro Tip: Everyone evolves and changes in life, especially in their early 20s.
    Try and save up/budget your finances and as soon as you graduate get a job and move the hell out!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is anon bcos people know me on here and i want different opinions.

    Today walking down from uni, i was walking with a guy from my course just as friends. My parents walked past us as i was expecting them to anyway and then went shopping with them.
    My mum expressed her feelings to me pretty much there and then. My dad did later on. Saying how i dont care about anyone but myself and that i shouldnt be doing things like that because "what would people say?" I literally fricking hate that line so much. Who cares what people say. I mean seriously so many pakistani girls and guys go and do much worse than walking down the road with a friend. I have been in a relationship previously and they know that and i was dumped. From then i said to them that i wont engage in any relationship before marriage. And i wont. But why cant they understand that me and him are just friends? My dads overreaction is that if i fail my exams this year thats it hes pulling me out of uni to cook and clean in the house. No fricking way. At this point in time whenever i go to uni i hate coming home. Constant do this so that. Then when i do sot down to study they call me to something else. Then when i try and take a break i get moaned at tor not studyiny. I just dont understand the ****ing logic. Ughhhhh.

    I mean ive been feeling down a lot lately. For about a week now ive been feeling "depressed". At first i thought maybe because i was lonely, despite having a lot of people to talk to you can feel like that i guess. But its just been going on now and i dont know why. Like i understand my parents point of view on things. But theyre so narrowminded. I mean i wasnt smoking, or drinking or anything bad, was walking with a guy friend like honestly iy just gets to me how annoying they can be.

    Generally i just dont feel happy with anything.
    I am muslim, and i know islam has rules and regulations to he followed and im trying my best but i doubt islam says dont have male friends.
    Being muslim in this state of mind i try and pray and listen to Qur'an and soothe myself hut once i stop i go back to being in a down mood most of the time. Just feel so much pressure on myself.
    I end up crying at weirdest of times. I just start crying in my room while studying, in bed, in lectures, randomly in uni ill end up bursting into tears.

    Sorry for the long rant. But i just need some advice.
    Thanks for reading it u got this far
    Tell them your friend is gay. Oh wait. They wouldn't like that either would they? *sigh*
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by XxKingSniprxX)
    I know the feels. My parents used to say this sh1t to me until I reminded them that one day they'll be in their own grave and I'll be in mine. Nobody cares what other people think because the reality is ... life is too short to give a toss about what other people think. Just chase after what makes you happy and make your short life worth living.

    Its a joke to hear him say that as nobody is perfect, everyone has flaws, even parents. Remind him even the GOATs (greatest of all time) people had to fail in order to get back up but try again. Its not whether if you make/choke it but all that matters is the pursuit of trying again in the end. + He sounds like a sexist
    backward *censored* but I can relate!


    Walking down with a "guy" from university is nothing compared to loads of other "muslims" who secretly do a lot worse such as shisha, drink etc.

    Pro Tip: Everyone evolves and changes in life, especially in their early 20s.
    Try and save up/budget your finances and as soon as you graduate get a job and move the hell out!
    Omg one of my fave responses thank u

    The aim is for me to find a job quick, bcos i have said previously in tje thread that i hate asking my dad for money. I have started budgeting and saving up money and studf

    Thank u for the advice tho much appreciated
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Ciel.)
    Tell them your friend is gay. Oh wait. They wouldn't like that either would they? *sigh*
    Hahah, hes probably the least gay of them all :lol:
    They still wouldnt like that yeah, my mum is so homophobic even tho i love gay youtubers....
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hahah, hes probably the least gay of them all :lol:
    They still wouldnt like that yeah, my mum is so homophobic even tho i love gay youtubers....
    Tell them he's asexual then! That shouldn't bother them. Or that he desperately wants to become an imam and has tons of self control lol.
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    InSha'Allah have sabr(patience) make Dua (supplication) for them and sit them down and try to explain it to them, whether both at the same time or one to one on a level they will each understand and be able to relate to... Or you could even try to introduce your friend and make them feel involved in your life to some extent I'm sure they are just worried about you and the only way they know how to express that is the way they were taught whilst they grew up. Try to get to know them and their back stories of how they grew up. Btw when reading/listening to Quran try looking at Tafsir and contemplating meaning InSha'Allah that should help.^^ I hope this helped to some extent coz I know some might be like my parents are difficult to do that with, but just try your hardest slowly slowly. All the best Hun.❤️
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Omg one of my fave responses thank u

    The aim is for me to find a job quick, bcos i have said previously in tje thread that i hate asking my dad for money. I have started budgeting and saving up money and studf

    Thank u for the advice tho much appreciated
    No worries, I'm happy to help! Also, just wondering if your degree/course offers a placement year where you can work and earn money while learning. In a way, that could help you the fastest in terms of saving up and moving out after university.

    If you ever need someone to talk to, pm me
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Ciel.)
    Tell them he's asexual then! That shouldn't bother them. Or that he desperately wants to become an imam and has tons of self control lol.
    Looooooool that actualy made me laugh.

    (Original post by XxKingSniprxX)
    No worries, I'm happy to help! Also, just wondering if your degree/course offers a placement year where you can work and earn money while learning. In a way, that could help you the fastest in terms of saving up and moving out after university.

    If you ever need someone to talk to, pm me
    Ill deffos pm if i need anymore help thank u

    With regards to my course in not sure tbh there is a placemment on offer but um not sure its paid
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    (Original post by al_94)
    Lol why do South Asians always complain about their parents/family?
    lol lets not pretend english parents are the best.
    how many divorces has ur mum or dad gone through. are you born out of wedlock. do you speak to ur parents? or are u planning for them to live in a care home in old age?
    lol
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is anon bcos people know me on here and i want different opinions.

    Today walking down from uni, i was walking with a guy from my course just as friends. My parents walked past us as i was expecting them to anyway and then went shopping with them.
    My mum expressed her feelings to me pretty much there and then. My dad did later on. Saying how i dont care about anyone but myself and that i shouldnt be doing things like that because "what would people say?" I literally fricking hate that line so much. Who cares what people say. I mean seriously so many pakistani girls and guys go and do much worse than walking down the road with a friend. I have been in a relationship previously and they know that and i was dumped. From then i said to them that i wont engage in any relationship before marriage. And i wont. But why cant they understand that me and him are just friends? My dads overreaction is that if i fail my exams this year thats it hes pulling me out of uni to cook and clean in the house. No fricking way. At this point in time whenever i go to uni i hate coming home. Constant do this so that. Then when i do sot down to study they call me to something else. Then when i try and take a break i get moaned at tor not studyiny. I just dont understand the ****ing logic. Ughhhhh.

    I mean ive been feeling down a lot lately. For about a week now ive been feeling "depressed". At first i thought maybe because i was lonely, despite having a lot of people to talk to you can feel like that i guess. But its just been going on now and i dont know why. Like i understand my parents point of view on things. But theyre so narrowminded. I mean i wasnt smoking, or drinking or anything bad, was walking with a guy friend like honestly iy just gets to me how annoying they can be.

    Generally i just dont feel happy with anything.
    I am muslim, and i know islam has rules and regulations to he followed and im trying my best but i doubt islam says dont have male friends.
    Being muslim in this state of mind i try and pray and listen to Qur'an and soothe myself hut once i stop i go back to being in a down mood most of the time. Just feel so much pressure on myself.
    I end up crying at weirdest of times. I just start crying in my room while studying, in bed, in lectures, randomly in uni ill end up bursting into tears.

    Sorry for the long rant. But i just need some advice.
    Thanks for reading it u got this far
    I'm British Pakistani and that is exactly how my parents are. But listen to what your parents say.....hope'fully they will stop making you feel ''Depressed''.
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    (Original post by kabolin)
    lol lets not pretend english parents are the best.
    how many divorces has ur mum or dad gone through. are you born out of wedlock. do you speak to ur parents? or are u planning for them to live in a care home in old age?
    lol
    What's divorce got to do with it?
    Why does being born out of wedlock matter?
    If he choses not to speak to his parents it's nobody's business but his own.
    Why can't his parents take responsibility for themselves? After all, they have free choice and are adults.

    Besides, this thread is nearly two months old.
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    (Original post by kabolin)
    lol lets not pretend english parents are the best.
    how many divorces has ur mum or dad gone through. are you born out of wedlock. do you speak to ur parents? or are u planning for them to live in a care home in old age?
    lol
    Well my (English) parents are VERY cool compared to what I have read about on this thread!

    It is like a nightmare, OP. I am so sorry...
    • #5
    #5

    If you lot think you lot have got it hard with South Asian parents, you haven't been in my shoes. And no, its a massive speak of culture not religion. Im a Pakistani Hindu, and my parents unfortunately still have the same conventional mindset :/
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    If you lot think you lot have got it hard with South Asian parents, you haven't been in my shoes. And no, its a massive speak of culture not religion. Im a Pakistani Hindu, and my parents unfortunately still have the same conventional mindset :/
    Oh my, youre a Pakistani Hindu??
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    (Original post by JezWeCan!)
    Well my (English) parents are VERY cool compared to what I have read about on this thread!

    It is like a nightmare, OP. I am so sorry...
    love it when you feel the need to explain yourself to me. insecure much????
 
 
 
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