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Best Friend and Ex Boyfriend

Well basically me and my boyfriend broke up in the beginning of March, it was long distance, about 100 miles between us and we'd been together for 3.5 years. I dumped him because I just didnt feel the same way about him anymore. He only had about 2 mates before he met me and so my friends sort of became his friends. That was fine when we were together but once we split he tried to get even closer to some of my good friends, talking more over msn which is fine but he Even met up with one in Brighton behind my back. However, he's openly admitted he fancies my best friend, who ive known 15 years. Hes invited her to stay with him for a week next week, she says she doesn't have anything for him but knows he likes her in that way and shes still going. I feel a bit betrayed by her, cause I thought as my best friend she wouldn't do anything like this as it would hurt me. I did ask her why she was going and she sed she didnt want to hurt his feelings but, it hurts me because shes going to stay with my Ex. I think its bit weird and it had been arranged for weeks yet she only told me on saturday.

Just wondered if im being oversensitive, if shes really a best friend if she does something like this?

Reply 1

--

3

Thats seriously out of order, she should know that mates ex's are off limits.

Reply 2

smellielli

1

As long as she doesn't get with him I don't see a problem.

Reply 3

ChemistBoy

16

So your best friend doesn't fancy him but she's going anyway. Who cares about your ex? You need to get yourself a new best friend as it looks like she is lying about her feelings for your ex in some randomly stupid attempt to deflect your suspicions.

Reply 4

username47781

20

It isn't nice, but you dumped him, he's single, if your best friend wants meet up with him there ain't much you can do. Then again it don't mean she will do anything.

Reply 5

macintosh

i think it's a bit harsh that she didn't think to check with you before accepting. obviously you too aren't together anymore so really he can do what he wants but to me i think it's just courtesy really to see how you feel before accepting an invitation like that, as she's your best friend.

Reply 6

TheShrimp

5

Pfft I cannot believe that your 'best friend' is actually going to go! Maybe you need to make your feelings clearer, ie tell her that you will feel betrayed if she goes & your friendship won't be the same again.

Reply 7

tetrahydrocannabinol.

10

3232

Thats seriously out of order, she should know that mates ex's are off limits.

;yes; She doesn't sound like much of a friend to me

Reply 8

superlative

you dumped him. he can do whatever he wants! if you feel jealous about it p'haps you shouldn't have dumped him in the first place.

Reply 9

username47781

20

superlative

you dumped him. he can do whatever he wants! if you feel jealous about it p'haps you shouldn't have dumped him in the first place.

Well i'm sorry I agree with that, you dumped him, yes I say it again, it isn't nice what your friend has done. But again you dumped him, he's single.

Reply 10

-Aimee-

13

To be fair, if you dumped him then you shouldn't be bothered about his current relationships. I think you should try to forget about it and trust your best friend for now. You guys have known each other for 15 years, that friendship I believe is more valuable than a guy you just dumped. However, if she does get with your ex then you have every right to be annoyed as she deceived you. Then again, from my own experience, a guy and a girl can be very platonic friends. So just wait and see :smile:

chill for now :biggrin:

Also, it sounds to me like your ex is just being pathetic and still trying to be a part of your life (by trying to make you jealous in this case)

Reply 11

Sausage

10

Friends know not to go near Ex's if you break up (if that means go out with them or whatever). It doesnt matter if they are friends...the fact is unless you say it's ok, it's a no go area! That's how it works with me and my friends. I would make it perfectly clear to your friend that even though she might find it petty - you are hurting and its not fair if she's your so called 'friend'. Good luck.

Reply 12

WokSz

17

It's mean but you left him so you have to accept the consequences. I think you need to just accept it and trust your friend. If she cares about you, she won't do anything to hurt you.

Reply 13

Student_Bum

1

I think that while you're ex has done nothing wrong ( apart from be a bit insensitive) , you're best friend is clearly acting a bit of a bitch. Friend's ex's are off limits unless you specifically know that you're friend doesn't mind. Taking into account that she's you're BEST friend then I think that's even worse. She obviously doesn't care about you're feelings in the matter and i highly suspect that she likes him. ( It wouldn't even occur to me to go to stay with a best friend's ex if he knew I liked him unless I quite fancied him)
I think you should lay down the law. Say that if she goes then you'll know that you can't trust her again. If she does go then, i think there's your answer.
good luck

Reply 14

ezyazd

1

People are assuming she doesnt like the idea because she is jealous that he willl get with her friend, but having experienced something similar myself Id say it has nothing to do with him, but rather the betrayal of a so called friend. She's admitted she knows he likes her and she is still going, she's probably been waiting for this opportunity to cop off with him. She is not your friend, and no matter what she says even if she denies doing anythig with him you will never be able to trust her. She says she doesnt want to hurt his feelings? But what about yous considering you have known her for 15 years?!?! Load of rubbish she's after your ex's of d**k, she's probably fancied him all along. Get rid! A true friend would never do such a thing.

Reply 15

Schroedinger's Pandora

13

I agree with aibonez. Thats a pretty rotten thing to do IMO.

:hugs:

Reply 16

mr_tomus

1

purplerat

Well basically me and my boyfriend broke up in the beginning of March, it was long distance, about 100 miles between us and we'd been together for 3.5 years. I dumped him because I just didnt feel the same way about him anymore. He only had about 2 mates before he met me and so my friends sort of became his friends. That was fine when we were together but once we split he tried to get even closer to some of my good friends, talking more over msn which is fine but he Even met up with one in Brighton behind my back. However, he's openly admitted he fancies my best friend, who ive known 15 years. Hes invited her to stay with him for a week next week, she says she doesn't have anything for him but knows he likes her in that way and shes still going. I feel a bit betrayed by her, cause I thought as my best friend she wouldn't do anything like this as it would hurt me. I did ask her why she was going and she sed she didnt want to hurt his feelings but, it hurts me because shes going to stay with my Ex. I think its bit weird and it had been arranged for weeks yet she only told me on saturday.

Just wondered if im being oversensitive, if shes really a best friend if she does something like this?

grow up you baby

Reply 17

purplerat

OP

1

aibonez

People are assuming she doesnt like the idea because she is jealous that he willl get with her friend, but having experienced something similar myself Id say it has nothing to do with him, but rather the betrayal of a so called friend. She's admitted she knows he likes her and she is still going, she's probably been waiting for this opportunity to cop off with him. She is not your friend, and no matter what she says even if she denies doing anythig with him you will never be able to trust her. She says she doesnt want to hurt his feelings? But what about yous considering you have known her for 15 years?!?! Load of rubbish she's after your ex's of d**k, she's probably fancied him all along. Get rid! A true friend would never do such a thing.

yeep, im not jealous, its my friend betraying me im concerned about

Reply 18

Missy_Robbo

I think like other people have said, you did end it and he has to get on with his life, you cannot expect him to stop being mates with these people, but i think your supposed 'best friend' is betraying the rules of friendship! I think you need to be onest with her, its the only way you will feel better! You need to get it off your chest, even though you are talking and getting advice from people off here, we cant do anything to help the situation. Your in the driving seat, you have the control! I was in a similar position and i just let them get on with it, and it has ended in us not being friends anymore, that was her choice, after time i was prepared to over ride it, but she couldnt face me after they ended! She knew she had done wrong, but it took her until they ended for her to see that! Now me and this lad talk alot and are quite good mates, and she hates it that me and him talk, but i new him long before her, she needs to stop being so petty!

Good Luck, hope it all goes well!

Just to what you think is right, thats all you can do!

Reply 19

Georgiahoneybee

1

Although I agree he's single and free to do as he pleases, as your best friend she should know your ex boyfriend is not someone she should actively try and start a relationship with.
As others have said it could turn out to be a platonic friendship, or it could develop into a relationship, but either way you need to decide if your friendship is strong enough to cope with that.
Talk to her about it, see if she can see things from your point of view, and just go from there. Ultimately though if, because of this, her friendship proves to be too much of a hassle then, end it.
Hope all works out.

Best Friend and Ex Boyfriend

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