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I'm more than just a number - Story of a french med student who failed and raised up Watch

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    (Original post by Metrododo)
    Yeah my friend applied during Terminale (final year in french system for those interested) and originally got turned down specifically because of the french Bac, but they called him back around May!

    I'm fully french but lived in London for all my life (mixture of English schools and French lycée - maybe I should make a blog about it too... ). Having done GCSES and sort of prepared A-levels plus the Baccalauréate - I definitely think the A level system is better or maybe the IB as a good compromise. The French Bac tries to be "well rounded" but it fails again by leaving out and discouraging those are just not that good in certain subjects, whilst also not being able to specialise nearly as much as, say, the sciences or maths.
    I disagree: the British system is far too narrow. It is not enough for 17, 18 year olds to be studying just four subjects. At at time when people minds are still developing doing both science and humanities seems to contribute to overall development - which can later be applied to a specific discipline. Learning to think in only in a few ways is limiting.
    Besides, wouldn't you agree that French system is more rigorous? French students are required to know and express themselves to a higher level in order to get a good mark in, say, French compared to what British students must be able to do in order to succeed in English. French system all the way!
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    (Original post by isitisisitis)
    I disagree: the British system is far too narrow. It is not enough for 17, 18 year olds to be studying just four subjects. At at time when people minds are still developing doing both science and humanities seems to contribute to overall development - which can later be applied to a specific discipline. Learning to think in only in a few ways is limiting.
    Besides, wouldn't you agree that French system is more rigorous? French students are required to know and express themselves to a higher level in order to get a good mark in, say, French compared to what British students must be able to do in order to succeed in English. French system all the way!
    In an ideal world, sure - I'm all for a more an all-encompassing programme but realistically most students have their (sometimes strong) preferences/difficulties and would rather concentrate on a few subjects; the IB seems to be a good compromise.

    Moreover, I personally very much enjoy mathematics but am also very interested in learning languages and "humanities" subjects such as philosophy and history (hence studying Economics). However, I am assuming you also did the Bac but correct me if I'm wrong, most people in S or ES will have a very limited interest in learning a second language, or philosophy which create very ineffective classes and ultimately unless you exceed the individual work required you aren't going to gain much out of them :/

    Although I agree on the rigour required in the French system and how it definitely helps your working habits. I noticed this in Maths immediately when I changed in seconde from the English to the French academic system! At the beginning I was consistently getting just below 10 because I wasn't emphasising on the trivial working out plus the completely different way of approaching problems haha but finally managed to turn it around to 20's near the end so all good
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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    Coucouuuuuuu !
    Tonight part 3 Today, it's about burn out, and "prépas privées. I'm starting with this one :P

    Les prépas privées !
    What it is ? Officially, private organizations, created to help student to improve.
    Unofficially, people who play with your stress to make money.
    What are they for ? First you need to know that in lessons, the teachers will never answer a question in the amphi, that's for equality (that's the law about the concours, because not all students are going to lessons, and teachers don't wanna have issues with the police -yeah complicated- ). Whatever.

    The prépas are here to answer your questions. They also give lessons in the most difficult subjects, and you can ask as much questions as you want to, which I have to admit, is really cool. Like REALLY cool. But if students are paying for it, that's not because of that. That's because of the sheets they give. They litteraly ARE GOLD.
    Because in our official books sometimes it's really confusing, and in physics for example we don't have any books. That's a huuuuuuuuge good point for the prépas.
    They also organize mock exams, and those mocks have a wonderful quality and not a lot of faults in them (with the mocks organized by the students of year 2, they are often some faults and when you don't learn as good as you are supposed to, you can't see the faults and you're screwed.) Anyway.

    Prépas have good points. But. But they are not free of charge !
    An other thing you need to know, the price I'll give wont sounds high to you, because in UK studies are really expensive, but in here med studies are free of charge, and some students can't afford the prépas, and the banks don't give loans just for that.
    They are different prépas. 3 are famous , and they are the "best". One of them is the most famous, the most expensive, and the best tho. What are the prices ? It starts at 2000€ (£1555) for the year, and the best one is almost 6000€ (£4666) the year. It's really expensive for a med student.

    My opinion. My choice.
    What's wrong with the prépas ? Well, they are so expensive that not all the 2500 students can afford them, and the prépas can really help you to improve. If you have money. Unfair hah ?
    But that's the way it is. And nobody can change that.
    Also, to advertise, they are like "you NEEEEED US TO SUCCEED" that's not true. It's all about deal with your time, I know a girl who took a prépa and was the 2100th. I also know people who never took prépas and were in the 331. It's all about you.

    But when you are stressed out etc, it can be rassuring. A lot of students have a prépa, I'll say .. 800 ? Something like that.
    I hate this system that's so unfair.
    You need to know an other thing. I could afford it, I could afford the best. My dad wanted me to go to the prépa, to have the best chance of succeed. I thought about it a lot. Because I don't care about the courses, but the sheets.. They are awesome.
    I did not take one.
    Because I had friends who could not afford it, that was not fair. Not at all..So here is what I did.

    Some students of year 2 who had a prépa sale for a good price their own sheets. I could have all the sheets of whole year for 150€ (£116). THAT was fair. Because if I ever win, it wont be because of my dad's money. And I decided to share my sheets for free. That was fair.
    I know it was a concours , but what could I do ? I could not even think about the idea of if I ever go to year 2, it would be because I kinda cheated. Never. That was not me.
    Failure with justice is better than a cheater's success. -Careful, those who pass worked hard, even with a prépa. I just want to insist on the fact that this help in not good for equality.-
    The thing is, whatever I did, the system was still unfair. I did my best, but I can't take care of 1500 students. I had better to do ..

    My first burn out.
    Yeah it happened. You don't know what burn out means, until it happens to you. How ?
    When you stop going to lessons to gain time.
    When you stop eating to gain time.
    When you stop sleeping to gain time.
    When you start falling asleep during your work.
    You don't wanna believe something is wrong with you.
    Deep inside you know it. You just think you are gonna make it to the end.
    "I'll sleep later"
    "I'll eat later"
    "I have to gain places"
    "Don't forget the rating"
    "The rating"
    "THE RATING !"
    And you faint.
    At first, You don't even know you fainted, because you fainted on your desk, on your work. You just get up "oh I'm a bit tired" you know what happened.
    You lie to yourself.
    And the following day, you don't hear your alarm. You wake up 3h later, and you have this sentation of.. You are sick. You go to the bathroom and you vomit.
    And you start falling asleep everywhere. You are so tired you can't hear the sounds sometimes -that's a terrible feeling- You go to sleep.
    You sleep 2 entire days.
    You have nightmares about the rating.
    You feel sleepy and starving, but you can't eat. And worst YOU CAN'T WORK.
    Wait what's the date today ?
    One week before the exam. S.H.I.T.You get up. You get your books in your bed, and you start working , in bed. You fall asleep. And this voice in your head "is it too late for me ?"
    NO.
    No it's not.
    You eat, because your mum worries. You don't vomit this time. Good. Your mum forces you to go to the doctor. Well. You're anemic..
    Whatever, the rating is more important.
    It is.
    It is.
    IT ****ING IS !
    Right ..?



    [
    I don't understand why you didn't want to use the prepas though? If like 80% of the people had them couldn't you just buy them and make photocopies for the rest of people that couldn't afford?
    And honestly, I think that was a really bad move because I'm sure the majority of the people there were selfish and wouldn't give 2 thoughts about how others would get on with or without them. I'm not saying you should be selfish too but I mean, it was dog eat dog so you had to look out for yourself too.
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    (Original post by ServantOfMorgoth)
    I don't understand why you didn't want to use the prepas though? If like 80% of the people had them couldn't you just buy them and make photocopies for the rest of people that couldn't afford?
    And honestly, I think that was a really bad move because I'm sure the majority of the people there were selfish and wouldn't give 2 thoughts about how others would get on with or without them. I'm not saying you should be selfish too but I mean, it was dog eat dog so you had to look out for yourself too.
    Actually I could not have do some photocopies because we have a looooot of sheets :P it would have take me like.. 3/4 days ? Entire days ? To do that
    And the thing is ; I did not take the prépa for an other reason ^^ ! I told before that they give lessons , and you have to go to those lessons. I wanted to gain time so I would not have "loose" time in this

    Actually a lot of people are not as selfish as we can think my uni was really famous for that , it was kinda the only one of the whole country to have such a reputation of mutuel support :3

    Don't worry I looked for myself :P
    Whatever I understand your point , I just want you to know that I would not have succeed with a prépa , because it's all depends on the way you deal with your time, and I clearly had a problem for that (I mean , having a prépa is great , but what the point if I don't sleep and eat well ?)
    The prépa is a help , but you have to do your part as well, do you get it ? :3
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    (Original post by ServantOfMorgoth)
    I don't understand why you didn't want to use the prepas though? If like 80% of the people had them couldn't you just buy them and make photocopies for the rest of people that couldn't afford?
    And honestly, I think that was a really bad move because I'm sure the majority of the people there were selfish and wouldn't give 2 thoughts about how others would get on with or without them. I'm not saying you should be selfish too but I mean, it was dog eat dog so you had to look out for yourself too.
    If he/she is in the town I think, there is absolutely no need to pay for a prepa : the local tutorat (public prepa made by second and third year students, almost free) is really, really good (at least it was, back in the time), and you know, you don't really have to be a brain or be really hard working to suceed in health studies in France. It is just a matter of preparation and optimisation. In my opinion, a smart move would be to buy to a second year student all of his annals/tests and course, and on his own, do them again and again and again.
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    (Original post by tf_pharm)
    If she is in the town I think, there is absolutely no need to pay for a prepa : the local tutorat (public prepa made by second and third year students, almost free) is really, really good (at least it was, back in the time), and you know, you don't really have to be a brain or be really hard working to suceed in health studies in France. It is just a matter of preparation and optimisation. In my opinion, a smart move would be to buy to a second year student all of his annals/tests and course, and on his own, do them again and again and again.
    I completely agree :yep: and it's what I did ^_^ (I did not succeed, but that's life !)

    How do you know about all this ? Are you french ? Or did you study in France ?

    Edit : I'm in Paris, and the tutorat was AWESOME :yep:
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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    I completely agree :yep: and it's what I did ^_^ (I did not succeed, but that's life !)

    How do you know about all this ? Are you french ? Or did you study in France ?

    Edit : I'm in Paris, and the tutorat was AWESOME :yep:
    I was thinking of Montpellier, so people are using primant/doublant elsewhere then. Surprising !
    I know the topic a little that because I went through this some years before (6th and last year of pharmacy now - I know, épicier and all).
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    (Original post by tf_pharm)
    I was thinking of Montpellier, so people are using primant/doublant elsewhere then. Surprising !
    I know the topic a little that because I went through this some years before (6th and last year of pharmacy now - I know, épicier and all).
    Yes I was in Paris VI ! We never use "bizuth" et "carré" :P
    Awww I see !! Where do you study now ? Did you do your PACES in Montpellier ? (We use the word épicier ^_^ )
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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    Awww I see !! Where do you study now ? Did you do your PACES in Montpellier ? (We use the word épicier ^_^ )
    In a city from the east, starting by "L" and ending by "n", with a total of four letters. Here we are used to go with bizuth and carré, primant/doublant is typically a thing heard amongst montpellierains.

    I haven't been in PACES, too old for that : I've done my time prior to the reform fortunately !
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    (Original post by tf_pharm)
    In a city from the east, starting by "L" and ending by "n", with a total of four letters. Here we are used to go with bizuth and carré, primant/doublant is typically a thing heard amongst montpellierains.

    I haven't been in PACES, too old for that : I've done my time prior to the reform fortunately !
    Aw I see ! You seem fluent in english , it's great
    I did not know about Montpellier :3

    Omg I'm glad for ya :lol: ! How are your studies going :3 ?
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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    Omg I'm glad for ya :lol: ! How are your studies going :3 ?
    Good, especially because I've finished ! I just have to present my thesis, and bam! Pharmacist. This will occur in the coming months (june I believe) hopefully !

    Aw I see ! You seem fluent in english , it's great
    Ah ah ah ! I wish this was true. :/
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    (Original post by tf_pharm)
    Good, especially because I've finished ! I just have to present my thesis, and bam! Pharmacist. This will occur in the coming months (june I believe) hopefully !


    Ah ah ah ! I wish this was true. :/
    I'm happy for you :party: !! Tu vas faire pharma en officine, industrie, ou à l'hôpital ?

    Sérieux tu parles pas couramment :O ?? On dirait ! :3
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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    I'm happy for you :party: !! Tu vas faire pharma en officine, industrie, ou à l'hôpital ?
    Recherche (i.e j'ai un M2 en plus, et j'enchaîne avec un PhD) . L'hôpital j'ai donné 6 mois, c'est définitivement pas pour moi !

    Sérieux tu parles pas couramment :O ?? On dirait ! :3
    Il y a pire j'imagine. Après, j'ai passé quelque mois en UK, ça a aidé un peu mais même à la fin c'était parfois... Compliqué. Mais bon, je rempile pour 3,5 ans à partir d'octobre donc quelque part c'est que je dois trouver ça gérable.

    (sorry for the french interlude)
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    (Original post by tf_pharm)
    Recherche (i.e j'ai un M2 en plus, et j'enchaîne avec un PhD) . L'hôpital j'ai donné 6 mois, c'est définitivement pas pour moi !


    Il y a pire j'imagine. Après, j'ai passé quelque mois en UK, ça a aidé un peu mais même à la fin c'était parfois... Compliqué. Mais bon, je rempile pour 3,5 ans à partir d'octobre donc quelque part c'est que je dois trouver ça gérable.

    (sorry for the french interlude)
    Ah oui j'avais oublié la recherche :lol: ça a l'air cool

    Ah oui y a carrément pire j'en suis sûre :yep: moi je pense que tu parles très bien ! (Bon okay je suis pas aux premières loges pour juger mais bon :P

    Translation : *sorry other readers*
    Spoiler:
    Show
    Oh yes I forgot about the research, sounds cool

    Yes I'm pretty sure there is worse than you , I think you speak a good english (okay I'm not the best person to judge but still)
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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    Coucouuuuuuu !
    Tonight part 3 Today, it's about burn out, and "prépas privées. I'm starting with this one :P

    Les prépas privées !
    What it is ? Officially, private organizations, created to help student to improve.
    Unofficially, people who play with your stress to make money.
    What are they for ? First you need to know that in lessons, the teachers will never answer a question in the amphi, that's for equality (that's the law about the concours, because not all students are going to lessons, and teachers don't wanna have issues with the police -yeah complicated- ). Whatever.

    The prépas are here to answer your questions. They also give lessons in the most difficult subjects, and you can ask as much questions as you want to, which I have to admit, is really cool. Like REALLY cool. But if students are paying for it, that's not because of that. That's because of the sheets they give. They litteraly ARE GOLD.
    Because in our official books sometimes it's really confusing, and in physics for example we don't have any books. That's a huuuuuuuuge good point for the prépas.
    They also organize mock exams, and those mocks have a wonderful quality and not a lot of faults in them (with the mocks organized by the students of year 2, they are often some faults and when you don't learn as good as you are supposed to, you can't see the faults and you're screwed.) Anyway.

    Prépas have good points. But. But they are not free of charge !
    An other thing you need to know, the price I'll give wont sounds high to you, because in UK studies are really expensive, but in here med studies are free of charge, and some students can't afford the prépas, and the banks don't give loans just for that.
    They are different prépas. 3 are famous , and they are the "best". One of them is the most famous, the most expensive, and the best tho. What are the prices ? It starts at 2000€ (£1555) for the year, and the best one is almost 6000€ (£4666) the year. It's really expensive for a med student.

    My opinion. My choice.
    What's wrong with the prépas ? Well, they are so expensive that not all the 2500 students can afford them, and the prépas can really help you to improve. If you have money. Unfair hah ?
    But that's the way it is. And nobody can change that.
    Also, to advertise, they are like "you NEEEEED US TO SUCCEED" that's not true. It's all about deal with your time, I know a girl who took a prépa and was the 2100th. I also know people who never took prépas and were in the 331. It's all about you.

    But when you are stressed out etc, it can be rassuring. A lot of students have a prépa, I'll say .. 800 ? Something like that.
    I hate this system that's so unfair.
    You need to know an other thing. I could afford it, I could afford the best. My dad wanted me to go to the prépa, to have the best chance of succeed. I thought about it a lot. Because I don't care about the courses, but the sheets.. They are awesome.
    I did not take one.
    Because I had friends who could not afford it, that was not fair. Not at all..So here is what I did.

    Some students of year 2 who had a prépa sale for a good price their own sheets. I could have all the sheets of whole year for 150€ (£116). THAT was fair. Because if I ever win, it wont be because of my dad's money. And I decided to share my sheets for free. That was fair.
    I know it was a concours , but what could I do ? I could not even think about the idea of if I ever go to year 2, it would be because I kinda cheated. Never. That was not me.
    Failure with justice is better than a cheater's success. -Careful, those who pass worked hard, even with a prépa. I just want to insist on the fact that this help in not good for equality.-
    The thing is, whatever I did, the system was still unfair. I did my best, but I can't take care of 1500 students. I had better to do ..

    My first burn out.
    Yeah it happened. You don't know what burn out means, until it happens to you. How ?
    When you stop going to lessons to gain time.
    When you stop eating to gain time.
    When you stop sleeping to gain time.
    When you start falling asleep during your work.
    You don't wanna believe something is wrong with you.
    Deep inside you know it. You just think you are gonna make it to the end.
    "I'll sleep later"
    "I'll eat later"
    "I have to gain places"
    "Don't forget the rating"
    "The rating"
    "THE RATING !"
    And you faint.
    At first, You don't even know you fainted, because you fainted on your desk, on your work. You just get up "oh I'm a bit tired" you know what happened.
    You lie to yourself.
    And the following day, you don't hear your alarm. You wake up 3h later, and you have this sentation of.. You are sick. You go to the bathroom and you vomit.
    And you start falling asleep everywhere. You are so tired you can't hear the sounds sometimes -that's a terrible feeling- You go to sleep.
    You sleep 2 entire days.
    You have nightmares about the rating.
    You feel sleepy and starving, but you can't eat. And worst YOU CAN'T WORK.
    Wait what's the date today ?
    One week before the exam. S.H.I.T.You get up. You get your books in your bed, and you start working , in bed. You fall asleep. And this voice in your head "is it too late for me ?"
    NO.
    No it's not.
    You eat, because your mum worries. You don't vomit this time. Good. Your mum forces you to go to the doctor. Well. You're anemic..
    Whatever, the rating is more important.
    It is.
    It is.
    IT ****ING IS !
    Right ..?

    You pass your following week between sleep and work, and iron pills, and you never been so stressed of your entire life. and you cry. You cry. A lot.
    The day D is coming.
    The day D is coming.
    The day D is coming.
    I have to be the best.
    I have to.
    I have to.
    Don't give up. A few days and you will sleep. A few days. Keep going.And then, this little voice again. Two days before the exam.
    "You wanna heal people right ? Have you ever seen before a doctor who does not wanna heal himself"
    Shut up voice. Shut up.
    SHUT UP !
    My moment is coming.
    It's coming.
    I can handle it.
    I can.
    I can.

    Can I ?

    Thanks for reading :heart:

    The next time will be about the day D ! And how were my vacations -sleeeeep- and the wait of the results

    CleverSquirrel Amellia123 Matrix123 Andy98 ServantOfMorgoth Kyx Hydeman Impressive Ethereal World z33 Indieboohoo1 iEthan hideNfreak JBLondon Metrododo apronedsamurai davros1996 ForestShadow tilray flyingpanda Boss_Rhythm


    Did you change the content?

    I've read only half of it, like few days ago, so I decided to finish it today. But it somehow looks different or maybe that was another blog. (i don't know)
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    (Original post by Impressive)

    Did you change the content?

    I've read only half of it, like few days ago, so I decided to finish it today. But it somehow looks different or maybe that was another blog. (i don't know)
    Mmh I think it was an other blog because except some spelling faults I did not change anything :3
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    So much French on this page. :afraid:
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    Hiiiiiiii :heart: ! Time for part 4 \o/ ! Today it's about D Day, ^.^ i decided not to talk about the wait of the results today, because D Day is a bit longer than I thought ;P

    D Day organization
    You need to know the exam takes place 25-30km from the med school, so a lot of students choose to sleep at hotel to make sure they wont be late. I did it too, I booked a room a few days before with 2 of my friends (let's call them L and M).I wont tell you this story, because it's REALLY LONG. But you need to know that I knew L since I was 12, and M since I was 3.

    Something happened that day, and kinda broke my friendship with M. End of the story. I tell you this to let you know that the concours can drive people crazy, and make them forget about important things as friendship.

    D Day incoming
    I slept 1h at night , because I was really stressed. I had to get up at 6:30, but I get up at 5, went to the bathroom and talked to myself in the mirror "t'es une championne t'es une championne t'es une championne t'es une championne.." (= you're a champion)
    I did not had dinner the day before, and I left the room without having a breakfast. I wanted to take a coffee, but I felt too sick to try.
    When I get into the exam place, it was so impressive that this day will stay in my memory forever. This day is called "reality".
    Because you enter and you SEE with your own eyes 2500 students. And you know you have to beat them all, and in "reality day" the war is real.
    In reality day your work has to pay.
    Right ?
    I went to my table. There was my name on it, and also a number, to make us find the place easily. 125. It hasn't even started and I was already a number. Maybe to make me sure why I was there after all. Maybe not.
    But who cares about our feelings in such a situation ? They let us do. They let us fight. Nobody cares. Except the other students. But the orther students are ennemies. So ... ?
    D Day. D Day. D Day. When your at the 125th table, you know it's coming, and you wanna run as far as possible, but you have to face what you are here for.
    4 tests today. The first is the physics test. During 1h30.
    It starts at 9:00.
    It's 8:50.
    Waiting.
    Waiting.
    Waiting.
    9:00.
    Take your pen.
    Let the war begin.
    I'm glad, I know exactly what to do. I'm writing I'm writing I'm writing. I take a look around, some students seem lost. It makes me a bit more confident. I feel like I'm the best. Because I have to feel this way.
    9:54. I'm .. I'm tired.
    10:10 keep going.
    ...
    10:20. What happened ? Great. Amazing. I lost 10min. I slept.
    10 min left.
    10:30.
    Done.
    You did not finish -impossible to finish a physics subject in 1:30 , it's on purpose, you just have to do your best- you feel guilty for falling asleep, but you feel proud.
    Good start girl, good start.
    Time for a break. You go out to breathe, you don't wanna see anyone you know. You did not turn on your phone, then you'll be alone.
    You're starving. But you feel so sick, you can't eat, in case of you would vomit. It would be a waste of time.
    11:00 , chemistery test.
    Wait.
    Wait wait wait.
    You turn the pages.
    You've never seen such things before.
    You're not used to such exercices.
    You're not. You were supposed to.
    Oh my god oh my god.
    Look around.
    Panick.
    Heartbeat.
    Just breathe, just breathe. You feel like you're gonna faint. It's been hours you did not eat or sleep, you just can't have hypertension.
    You take a deep breath.
    11:15.
    What ??
    Well, you worked hard during 3 months. Keep going.
    Just keep going.
    12:30. End of the test.
    You don't know what to think, so you don't think. You just count. You count everything you can, you count all the students as far as you can see, you count how many students around you have a blue pen, and how many have a black one. Who wear boots. Who wear baskets. Everything you can. Just to forget the pressure.
    Lunch break. You turn on the phone, to go see M and L. You got a salad. You eat half of it. And you hear a little voice, a voice you know well now "you did not eat well. Again ? Careful."
    Shut up. I know what I'm doing. I always knew.
    2:00. Anatomy test. Anatomy is MY subject. I was known at the med school to be one of the best at it.
    It's my time.
    Remember what you said to yourself this morning ? You're a champion.
    Go.
    You know EVERYTHING you read. You're proud. Your hard work was not in vain. You feel really sleepy tho. You have to concentrate really hard not to fall asleep
    You finish at 2:35. The end is at 3:00. You finally can sleep. You sleep until the end.
    Time for the break. You stay at your table, counting.
    3:30. Biology test. You're so tired you hope you'll die right now. But you don't. Just 1h30 left. And you'll sleep.
    Keep the hell going.
    The test is not difficult. You've seen worse. You're writing. You feel proud, you feel like you worked for something.
    5:00. End of the test.
    We have to wait until 5:30, then they can count all the sheets. I'll remember this time my whole life.
    I felt FREE.
    Students were screaming "VACAAAAAAAAAAANCES !" ( = holidays) and we just hit on our tables, all at once. We were all screaming, we felt so RELEASED.
    We did for so loooong that my hand started hurting me.
    I was so happy. I was not thinking about anything else. I called this moment : pure happiness.
    Because it's the satisfaction ! The satisfaction after the hard working.
    I swear, happiness. So so so much happiness.
    In the micro : "Bonnes vacances" (=enjoy your holidays).
    You get up.
    And you run as fast as you can run. You wanna breathe. You wanna breathe.
    You go out, year 2 students are waiting in front of the building with their blouse. I told you.
    Happiness.
    Because they are hope. They are your hope. Everyone is hugging each other, some students brought alcohol and are drinking as **** - I ran away lol because I don't drink and they were putting bottles in 1st year student's mouths -
    I sat somewhere, a bit far from the others. If I could, I would lay down and sleep, right now.
    I'm crying.
    I'm crying because for the first time in 3 months, I'm happy.
    I'm happy.
    Some students are staying the night to party. Outside haha, in front of the building. I don't want to stay, I wanna sleep. I'll go home. I call M and L, we go to the train station.
    Oops. My travel card is not working. Whatever, I'll buy a ticket. I line up. They are a lot of people.
    You know what ?
    L and M left me. They're gone. They told they did noy wanna wait. I'll do 1:30 of route alone. Thanks again girls. Thanks. It does not look like a big deal, but when you're tired as **** you just want your friends to be close to you until you go home.
    Whatever.
    I waited 20min, bought my ticket. Trains problems.. Great. Luckily I just waited 25min. I could not find a place to seat. I turned my music on not to fall asleep -I was standing up, but I swear I was so sleepy I could lol- 2h to get home.
    I feel weird. I can't describe. Sleepy, starving, happy, whatever you want, just know it can't be described.
    HOME.
    FREEDOM.
    BED.
    It's 9pm. You just throw yourself in bed, with all your clothes, and you fall asleep, crying.
    Crying because you waited for this time so long..I slept for houuuurs. When I get up it was 2:30pm , and I stayed in bed until 6pm. I ate. And I thought about all this time I haven't ate..

    ****. My iron pills. 2 days without taking them. Great, the doctor is gonna kill me.
    I went to the doctor a few days after, to check if everything was okay with all these days of non-eating non-sleeping. My iron level was so down, that the doctor was shocked. And angry.
    Because he knows it was all my fault, he knows what I did to myself.

    He asked my mum to watch after me, and mum kept an eye on me -checking if I was eating etc- all holidays lol.I like to travel and I did not travel during those holidays, but I can assure you they were the best of my whole life.
    I was sleepiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.
    I went out a bit to see some friends I did not see since 3months, I felt free, so free.
    Here and there , I heard the voice again "are you sure of what you did at the exam day?"
    Shut up.
    Let me live.
    Please let me live for now. I could handle it til the end ! I could ! I ****ing could.
    Leave me alone.Let me forget.

    And I forgot. I just lived.
    I finally had a life, a real one, without pressure.
    3 weeks of life. It was better than I expected.
    Life.
    Just life.
    Happiness.

    Thanks for reading :jumphug:

    Next time : going back to school for the semester 2 , waiting for the results, and results day !

    Love you :heart:
    Offline

    21
    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    x
    There's something about your writing style, which is so interesting. i just love reading your posts :hugs:
    :eek: I would not want to study medicine in France, but I wonder if it is any better in the UK....
    When will you get the results?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    14
    (Original post by homeland.lsw)
    There's something about your writing style, which is so interesting. i just love reading your posts :hugs:
    :eek: I would not want to study medicine in France, but I wonder if it is any better in the UK....
    When will you get the results?
    Thank youuuu :love: :hugs:

    Med studies are always hard, all over the world :yep: the thing is in here, we are judge on our capacity to be "stupid" and to learn as much as possible, even things we'll never use in the future. I think it's not fair ^.^

    I get the results 2 weeks after going back to school !
 
 
 
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