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I'm more than just a number - Story of a french med student who failed and raised up watch

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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    He is :excited: :3

    Just edited ! And I added : :heart: Thanks to the lovely Matrix for correcting me :heart:
    Hahaha awwww any awesome recent adventures for him?

    Cool! Aww thanks, I saw! :hugs: That's so lovely of you Licorne! :heart:
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    (Original post by Matrix123)
    Hahaha awwww any awesome recent adventures for him?

    Cool! Aww thanks, I saw! :hugs: That's so lovely of you Licorne! :heart:
    Hahah yeah xD yesterday I gave him his food, but we were running out of his favourite, so I gave him a thing he's not used to. He didn't wanted to eat and was like "meeeeeeeeeeooooow" until I get up from bed lol (it was 1 am xD) so I gave him some tuna, and he didn't wanted me to go until he finished :' )
    Then I get hungry and decided to finish the tin box xD so it's like we shared a tin box of tuna at 1 am , between mother and son :mmm:

    Heheh :love:
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    Aww I just want to give you a big virtual hug! I can't imagine the stress you have and your holidays are over , you guys get three weeks off? We get about two weeks which we should get before really.
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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    Hahah yeah xD yesterday I gave him his food, but we were running out of his favourite, so I gave him a thing he's not used to. He didn't wanted to eat and was like "meeeeeeeeeeooooow" until I get up from bed lol (it was 1 am xD) so I gave him some tuna, and he didn't wanted me to go until he finished :' )
    Then I get hungry and decided to finish the tin box xD so it's like we shared a tin box of tuna at 1 am , between mother and son :mmm:

    Heheh :love:
    Awww he knows how to get the tuna! At least he was happy
    Haha fair enough...awww :love:

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    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    Aww I just want to give you a big virtual hug! I can't imagine the stress you have and your holidays are over , you guys get three weeks off? We get about two weeks which we should get before really.
    Awww :hugs:
    We have 3 weeks but they are our only holidays of whole year lol (except summer of course)
    (Btw I'm not in that school anymore , in case of you don't know I dropped out and applied abroad )

    (Original post by Matrix123)
    Awww he knows how to get the tuna! At least he was happy
    Haha fair enough...awww :love:

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    Hehe yep :3

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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    Awww :hugs:
    We have 3 weeks but they are our only holidays of whole year lol (except summer of course)
    (Btw I'm not in that school anymore , in case of you don't know I dropped out and applied abroad )



    Hehe yep :3

    :jumphug:
    Indeed :jumphug:

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    I can't quote on here for some reason, it says the thread is closed? It's so strange.
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    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    I can't quote on here for some reason, it says the thread is closed? It's so strange.
    Omg :O it's not closed ! Must be a bug ^.^
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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    Omg :O it's not closed ! Must be a bug ^.^

    I'm using the TSR app and it's not the first time it's happened.
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    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    I'm using the TSR app and it's not the first time it's happened.
    Aw I see :/ I don't use it a lot so I don't know :P
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    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    I'm using the TSR app and it's not the first time it's happened.
    That happens quite a bit on the app with me too. Its a bug.

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    (Original post by ServantOfMorgoth)
    That happens quite a bit on the app with me too. Its a bug.

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    I'm glad it's not just me then :/ it is annoying but I hate using TSR as a normal Web page on my phone
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    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    I'm glad it's not just me then :/ it is annoying but I hate using TSR as a normal Web page on my phone
    Ikr, its so slow.

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    (Original post by ServantOfMorgoth)
    Ikr, its so slow.

    Posted from TSR Mobile

    Plus I have to manually get rid of the posted from TSR Mobile signature as it won't do it automatically even if I've removed it from my signatures. It sucks. I bet no one beta tested it.
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    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    Plus I have to manually get rid of the posted from TSR Mobile signature as it won't do it automatically even if I've removed it from my signatures. It sucks. I bet no one beta tested it.
    Oh yeah, I hate that too.

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    Saluuuut ! :heart:
    I'm sorry it's been a while, but I've been really busy these days.So for part 6 let's talk about the friends I met during semester 2, plus my depression.

    My wonderful friends.
    I told you before that for semester 2 I used to go to the library with V. One day we decided to change the library, and it's in this new library - let's call it LB Library - that I met my new friends.

    I knew this guy , F, for long, but he has a lot of friends he used to study with, and my new friends were all of them. We were a group of 12 , and we were of course studying all day, but we had a great time together during our breaks. We used to hang out so much that all of LB get used to us. It was funny because we had our own place of 15 tables in a corner, and everyone fancied this place, but after a few days no one dared to seat there, because everyone knew it was OUR place. Haha good memories, very good memories ! I'm so happy I met them, because they became friends for life.

    I was working 9/10h a per day, but as I was in a good environment, it was really great, not like semester 1. I was feeling good, really good. Until things that were not supposed to happen happened.

    Let's call this the depression of the good student.
    Right now I'm going to talk about really personal stuff, like REALLY personal. I hesitated a lot before writing it, but I'll do it.

    The context !
    I was a much better student than I was in semester one. I was eating and sleeping well, and I was motivated to gain places on the rating so much, that I improved a lot. At my mocks I was one of the best, and I was really proud.

    I remember the biophysics mock, we were almost 700 students, and I made it to the top. I was the 1st. I was so proud, because I was finally doing well, the hard work was worth it. And everyone started to see me again like a number one , like the girl who is gonna retake her year, but who'll be at the top of the rating next year. I tell you this part to make you understand why people didn't expected me to have a depression.
    Everyone thinks you are happy when you are the number one. Everyone. Even yourself.

    What really happened ?
    Illness happened. Around me.
    Everywhere.
    My aunt has a cancer for one year, but it turns out she felt so ill that she went to critical care. One month before the exam. I felt weird. I started to think "do it before it's too late". And my friends didn't know about it, I kept it secret. I tried to be as much of a good student as possible, but the struggle was real.
    Because it was only the beginning.
    My grandma had a heart surgery a few months before the exam, and she got really sick at the time my aunt was, I was devastated. The worst that happened is when family started to argue about my aunt's possessions - because she has 2 sons, my cousins, who have been in a fight for years and whatever it was complicated - .

    I felt like people were caring about themselves, which wasn't true at the end, it was more complicated than that. But how could I feel ?
    Can someone tell me how the hell could I feel in such a situation ??
    Like this : ekrjvbsrlnvsfklvnlksnvmkérmvmld f. This was my feeling.

    I was still going to LB Library, and I started to be a bit cold with my friends, and I had a fight with F about it. He was like "why are you complaining you are one of the best blablabla". I went to the toilets, and I cried for the 1st time since I knew my aunt was in a bad condition. The 1st time.

    This time was the beginning of my wonderful fall through depression. And failure. I had some health prob myself, something doctors never could identify, I saw a lot of doctors during 5 years, none of them could say what I have - complicated , I wont tell you about it unless you ask for it - . The thing is, I didn't care, the thing I had was painful but it was not really annoying so I really didn't care.
    Until my doctor gave me this letter.
    A recommandation to go to see an internist doctor (the doctor of the rare disease).
    I was like this :
    ...
    ...
    ...
    What again ?
    ...
    It was 3 weeks before the exam. I stopped going to LB Library, I said to my friends I would stay at home to study for a few days.
    F was mad at me, our fight was real.
    But I lied to them, because I stayed home to cry. Not about me, I freaking didn't care. But about all the people around me who were fighting to death - literally - as I was trying to become a doctor to help such people, but it would be too late anyway.
    Why become a doctor when it's too late for people you care about ? It was what I was thinking at the moment.
    I lost weight, my rings were falling from my fingers.During the week at home I didn't work a lot, I cried a lot, because when you're home alone you can cry as long as you want to, and nobody will ever notice that you feel sad.

    Because I could not bother my family with my moods, everyone was feeling sad. I just had to be brave enough to keep it for myself.

    Keep smiling unicorn. Just keep smiling. And finish this year. Just do it.

    The exam day.
    Nothing much to say about it. 2 days. 11 exams. Pressure.
    And an eternal smile.
    Because people around deserve a smile.

    Results day.
    You think about yourself being one of the best at the mocks. And you think it'll be great whatever happens. Because hope is life right ? You know you wont be as good as you deserve to be, but it's okay, because you'll be next year.
    You hope to be, at least, around the 800th.
    Then you see your new number.
    Your new place.
    The new you.

    1239th.
    And everything around you crashes down.

    What did I thought ? "If you could not make it when you was one of the best for real, you'll never succeed".
    Auntie passed away one week later. Forgive me. I wanted to grow my rating for you. Please forgive me.

    As weird as it sounds, I finally started to feel better. Only one week after this. Until my sister came to me. Her best friend, T. They have known each other since they were babies. He was 17 at the time.
    He went to hospital for a broken leg, and never came back.

    Cancer, I hate you - how to crush a heart : lesson 1 - I didn't cry.

    I cried so much before that I could not anymore. T is still here, fighting for his life.

    My last thought of this crazy year was :
    I'll do it next year. For all people like you.

    Thanks for reading, I'm truly sorry for the drama. My apologies. Oh and before someone asks, I'm not sick it's okay I went to the doctor.

    Next time is about my summer, and going back to school as a doublant, with hope, for a fresh start.

    Love you all. :heart:

    Thanks to Matrix who took her time to correct me :lovehug:
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    Excellent read, thank you mon ami
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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
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    (Original post by apronedsamurai)
    Excellent read, thank you mon ami
    De rien ! Thank you for reading !

    (Original post by ForestShadow)
    Hahah thanks :hugs:
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    FrenchUnicorn :jumphug:
 
 
 
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