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Mind games? Need real perspective watch

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    I would really just like an outside view on this, and don't feel like I can talk to my real friends about this.

    I meet this boy at a joint party for a mutual friend. I told him that I liked him within a month from the start, he told me that he had just broken up with his ex-girlfriend and that he just wanted to focus on studying this year, but did say maybe later.

    We actually got on very well and we grew closer- we would talk everyday on facebook, we spent more time together, he'd give me lifts home, we'd hug etc and I fell so hard for him, I had poor self esteem and he just seemed like this wonderful person who I just connected with.We bonded over pokemon and other dorky things.

    He said he realized that I was in love with him. Before X-mass he told me that I was just a pity friend, he only hung out with me because he felt sorry for me.

    I was crushed, blocked him on facebook and wouldn't talk to him. He later told me he thought it would be easier for me to hate him rather than to love him.

    We stopped messaging everyday- but after the x-mass break we stated sitting together again in lectures- i promised we would have no more drama. We would just joke around and I liked that. But my feelings for him remained constant.

    2 weeks ago we were at another girls birthday dinner he came over and sat down next to me, and we were just laughing and joking around. There was no space for his two friends on our table but they were at the far end. He got up and left just saying he was going to go and sit with his friends and that he would be back- but he didn't come back and he didn't come back over to talk to me either. His friends are in the same group as him and he's with them for the majority of the day but we only see each other during lectures.Would 2 hours of sitting next to me have been so bad?

    On monday we were talking on facebook at 3am and I told him that I wasn't over him- but that I wasn't really looking for a serious relationship just wanted to fool around with him and use him for hugs. We could be officially unofficial- as bad as this sounds just friends with benefits kind of thing with no commitments or obligations.All he had to do was say yes. He agreed and said "but not official and also not unofficial ". So we were Unofficially official. We came up with rules the first being that we would keep what ever happened just between us. But other than that we didn't need rules.

    I told him he could come over because my flatmate wouldn't be home after our biochem class . He agreed and said he got that I was inviting him over . But after lecture he walked off without saying bye or telling me that he had a problem with his car window so he wouldn't be coming.

    I messaged him asking if he wanted me to bring him round some chocolate to make him feel a smidge better- he said it was okay but we had a real conversation. The next day I was having doubts about our arrangement and asked him if he felt that I was pushing him into doing something he didn't really want to do. He replied back saying "don't be doubtful- he loved my new self confidence after the break, that we were both no saints. If he didn't like my answer he would tell me and we would both make a deal to be as honest as possible." I said I agreed and that I was in.

    The next day we're just talking about stupid things like cooking. and I'm flirting with him, but his answers are shorter and less interested. I told him that my flirting with him went over his head. and he replied rather harshly saying " why do you still attempt to flirt? Didn't i make myself clear yet? Its like we talked about it so many times but it seems like you wouldn't listen.

    I replied back saying- that I liked flirting and we'd only spoken about it once and that if it made him uncomfortable that I would stop but I didn't know what I was allowed to do or not allowed to do.

    He replied back saying that he was worried that I was not able to let him go .I told him if he was worried about that why did he even agree to our unoffical thing as he knew all along that I wasn't over him? He didn't tell me why he agreed- but who wouldn't want a silly girl to play with? I asked him again why he had agreed in the first place- he replied back asking agree on what? and turned it back to me saying "with unofficial official i didnt expect u mean a relationship". I never said I wanted that, that just wanted to use him.

    This was met with a shocked "use me"? line. I told him that I would let him go but that I couldn't handle pretending to be friends, yes we were friends at the start, but that I was not ready for that and asked him not to think badly about me if i tried to ignore him or didn't go out of my way to talk to him.

    I cried the most of last night. I fail to believe that he is this innocent child who had no idea what he was getting himself into and i'm angry at him because I feel like I've been played again. But I don't believe this Dr Jykll and Mr Hyde character but perhaps it's real and I've just been too stupid to see it
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    (Original post by Lemons1990)
    I would really just like an outside view on this, and don't feel like I can talk to my real friends about this.

    I meet this boy at a joint party for a mutual friend. I told him that I liked him within a month from the start, he told me that he had just broken up with his ex-girlfriend and that he just wanted to focus on studying this year, but did say maybe later.

    We actually got on very well and we grew closer- we would talk everyday on facebook, we spent more time together, he'd give me lifts home, we'd hug etc and I fell so hard for him, I had poor self esteem and he just seemed like this wonderful person who I just connected with.We bonded over pokemon and other dorky things.

    He said he realized that I was in love with him. Before X-mass he told me that I was just a pity friend, he only hung out with me because he felt sorry for me.

    I was crushed, blocked him on facebook and wouldn't talk to him. He later told me he thought it would be easier for me to hate him rather than to love him.

    We stopped messaging everyday- but after the x-mass break we stated sitting together again in lectures- i promised we would have no more drama. We would just joke around and I liked that. But my feelings for him remained constant.

    2 weeks ago we were at another girls birthday dinner he came over and sat down next to me, and we were just laughing and joking around. There was no space for his two friends on our table but they were at the far end. He got up and left just saying he was going to go and sit with his friends and that he would be back- but he didn't come back and he didn't come back over to talk to me either. His friends are in the same group as him and he's with them for the majority of the day but we only see each other during lectures.Would 2 hours of sitting next to me have been so bad?

    On monday we were talking on facebook at 3am and I told him that I wasn't over him- but that I wasn't really looking for a serious relationship just wanted to fool around with him and use him for hugs. We could be officially unofficial- as bad as this sounds just friends with benefits kind of thing with no commitments or obligations.All he had to do was say yes. He agreed and said "but not official and also not unofficial ". So we were Unofficially official. We came up with rules the first being that we would keep what ever happened just between us. But other than that we didn't need rules.

    I told him he could come over because my flatmate wouldn't be home after our biochem class . He agreed and said he got that I was inviting him over . But after lecture he walked off without saying bye or telling me that he had a problem with his car window so he wouldn't be coming.

    I messaged him asking if he wanted me to bring him round some chocolate to make him feel a smidge better- he said it was okay but we had a real conversation. The next day I was having doubts about our arrangement and asked him if he felt that I was pushing him into doing something he didn't really want to do. He replied back saying "don't be doubtful- he loved my new self confidence after the break, that we were both no saints. If he didn't like my answer he would tell me and we would both make a deal to be as honest as possible." I said I agreed and that I was in.

    The next day we're just talking about stupid things like cooking. and I'm flirting with him, but his answers are shorter and less interested. I told him that my flirting with him went over his head. and he replied rather harshly saying " why do you still attempt to flirt? Didn't i make myself clear yet? Its like we talked about it so many times but it seems like you wouldn't listen.

    I replied back saying- that I liked flirting and we'd only spoken about it once and that if it made him uncomfortable that I would stop but I didn't know what I was allowed to do or not allowed to do.

    He replied back saying that he was worried that I was not able to let him go .I told him if he was worried about that why did he even agree to our unoffical thing as he knew all along that I wasn't over him? He didn't tell me why he agreed- but who wouldn't want a silly girl to play with? I asked him again why he had agreed in the first place- he replied back asking agree on what? and turned it back to me saying "with unofficial official i didnt expect u mean a relationship". I never said I wanted that, that just wanted to use him.

    This was met with a shocked "use me"? line. I told him that I would let him go but that I couldn't handle pretending to be friends, yes we were friends at the start, but that I was not ready for that and asked him not to think badly about me if i tried to ignore him or didn't go out of my way to talk to him.

    I cried the most of last night. I fail to believe that he is this innocent child who had no idea what he was getting himself into and i'm angry at him because I feel like I've been played again. But I don't believe this Dr Jykll and Mr Hyde character but perhaps it's real and I've just been too stupid to see it
    He sounds like a tool tbh, he's messing you about and playing with your feelings but at the same time, he has made it clear that his feelings for you aren't going to change, he definitely should not have acted in the way he did but that just further proves how incompatable you are in a relationship and even as friends, see it as a blessing that you've fallen out and cut ties, you're holding on to false hope and he's taking advantage. Remain civil but try to keep as much distance as possible, build your confidence and change your mindset to know you will have supportive, respectful and loving friendships and relationships in the future as long as you give yourself the respect you deserve. Good luck op!
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    I agree with @blondie987 it's probably best to keep clear of him.
 
 
 
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