Raped by my best friends brother.
Now I am not sure if I can post this, I don't need anyone saying ring the police, or anything like that, it was such a long time ago now and that isn't why I am asking for some advice.
Ten years ago (I can't quite believe it either) my best friends twin brother raped me on and off for a year, he had me wrapped round his little finger, told me everyone would call me a slag if they knew, and generally just scared me really. He would be vile, and then lovely, and vile, and lovely, and I just couldn't escape him, he was my best friends brother.
Anyway, when he found out it stopped, my friend tried to convince me to tell my mum but I refused, and he accepted that and promised he would not let it happen ever again, and it didn't.
Now I had to put what happened with, let's called him Bob, in a box in my head, he was there at all the parties, I had to smile with him in pictures, and I just eventually got over it, I think we sometimes even appeared to be friends, the only thing is now, I am wanting a nice boyfriend but have absolutely no interest in sex... My body physically refuses, to the point where one guy took it that personally he just left, another is that it is complete agony, internally I have some scarring now from the force from Bob, and despite having it treated it's still there and I think my whole body just can't relax anymore, when in my head that's what I want more than anything..
What am I meant to do? Opening this box in my head now, because I can't ignore it forever, has only made me realise how much of a mess I am, it doesn't upset me what happened, I can talk about it easily, I just want to be normal!
I was thirteen when he took advantage of me, I was just a baby really, and it needs sorting out, any advice, without mentioning counselling, (I'm on a waiting list) I just want some kind words of, it will be ok? X
Posted from TSR Mobile
Ten years ago (I can't quite believe it either) my best friends twin brother raped me on and off for a year, he had me wrapped round his little finger, told me everyone would call me a slag if they knew, and generally just scared me really. He would be vile, and then lovely, and vile, and lovely, and I just couldn't escape him, he was my best friends brother.
Anyway, when he found out it stopped, my friend tried to convince me to tell my mum but I refused, and he accepted that and promised he would not let it happen ever again, and it didn't.
Now I had to put what happened with, let's called him Bob, in a box in my head, he was there at all the parties, I had to smile with him in pictures, and I just eventually got over it, I think we sometimes even appeared to be friends, the only thing is now, I am wanting a nice boyfriend but have absolutely no interest in sex... My body physically refuses, to the point where one guy took it that personally he just left, another is that it is complete agony, internally I have some scarring now from the force from Bob, and despite having it treated it's still there and I think my whole body just can't relax anymore, when in my head that's what I want more than anything..
What am I meant to do? Opening this box in my head now, because I can't ignore it forever, has only made me realise how much of a mess I am, it doesn't upset me what happened, I can talk about it easily, I just want to be normal!
I was thirteen when he took advantage of me, I was just a baby really, and it needs sorting out, any advice, without mentioning counselling, (I'm on a waiting list) I just want some kind words of, it will be ok? X
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posts like this get better responses on the Sub-Reddit called "OffMyChest"
Although I think I'm now more likely to get banned for mentioning Reddit than you are for mentioning rape
Although I think I'm now more likely to get banned for mentioning Reddit than you are for mentioning rape
Original post by Amy04
Now I am not sure if I can post this, I don't need anyone saying ring the police, or anything like that, it was such a long time ago now and that isn't why I am asking for some advice.
Ten years ago (I can't quite believe it either) my best friends twin brother raped me on and off for a year, he had me wrapped round his little finger, told me everyone would call me a slag if they knew, and generally just scared me really. He would be vile, and then lovely, and vile, and lovely, and I just couldn't escape him, he was my best friends brother.
Anyway, when he found out it stopped, my friend tried to convince me to tell my mum but I refused, and he accepted that and promised he would not let it happen ever again, and it didn't.
Now I had to put what happened with, let's called him Bob, in a box in my head, he was there at all the parties, I had to smile with him in pictures, and I just eventually got over it, I think we sometimes even appeared to be friends, the only thing is now, I am wanting a nice boyfriend but have absolutely no interest in sex... My body physically refuses, to the point where one guy took it that personally he just left, another is that it is complete agony, internally I have some scarring now from the force from Bob, and despite having it treated it's still there and I think my whole body just can't relax anymore, when in my head that's what I want more than anything..
What am I meant to do? Opening this box in my head now, because I can't ignore it forever, has only made me realise how much of a mess I am, it doesn't upset me what happened, I can talk about it easily, I just want to be normal!
I was thirteen when he took advantage of me, I was just a baby really, and it needs sorting out, any advice, without mentioning counselling, (I'm on a waiting list) I just want some kind words of, it will be ok? X
Posted from TSR Mobile
Ten years ago (I can't quite believe it either) my best friends twin brother raped me on and off for a year, he had me wrapped round his little finger, told me everyone would call me a slag if they knew, and generally just scared me really. He would be vile, and then lovely, and vile, and lovely, and I just couldn't escape him, he was my best friends brother.
Anyway, when he found out it stopped, my friend tried to convince me to tell my mum but I refused, and he accepted that and promised he would not let it happen ever again, and it didn't.
Now I had to put what happened with, let's called him Bob, in a box in my head, he was there at all the parties, I had to smile with him in pictures, and I just eventually got over it, I think we sometimes even appeared to be friends, the only thing is now, I am wanting a nice boyfriend but have absolutely no interest in sex... My body physically refuses, to the point where one guy took it that personally he just left, another is that it is complete agony, internally I have some scarring now from the force from Bob, and despite having it treated it's still there and I think my whole body just can't relax anymore, when in my head that's what I want more than anything..
What am I meant to do? Opening this box in my head now, because I can't ignore it forever, has only made me realise how much of a mess I am, it doesn't upset me what happened, I can talk about it easily, I just want to be normal!
I was thirteen when he took advantage of me, I was just a baby really, and it needs sorting out, any advice, without mentioning counselling, (I'm on a waiting list) I just want some kind words of, it will be ok? X
Posted from TSR Mobile
That looks like a serial criminal (he regularly did it for a year). It might help some future potential victims if you report him.
Original post by Drewski
You got treatment for the physical effects, maybe think about seeing someone to talk about the mental effects?
Also, this.
Original post by Amy04
Now I am not sure if I can post this, I don't need anyone saying ring the police, or anything like that, it was such a long time ago now and that isn't why I am asking for some advice.
Ten years ago (I can't quite believe it either) my best friends twin brother raped me on and off for a year, he had me wrapped round his little finger, told me everyone would call me a slag if they knew, and generally just scared me really. He would be vile, and then lovely, and vile, and lovely, and I just couldn't escape him, he was my best friends brother.
Anyway, when he found out it stopped, my friend tried to convince me to tell my mum but I refused, and he accepted that and promised he would not let it happen ever again, and it didn't.
Now I had to put what happened with, let's called him Bob, in a box in my head, he was there at all the parties, I had to smile with him in pictures, and I just eventually got over it, I think we sometimes even appeared to be friends, the only thing is now, I am wanting a nice boyfriend but have absolutely no interest in sex... My body physically refuses, to the point where one guy took it that personally he just left, another is that it is complete agony, internally I have some scarring now from the force from Bob, and despite having it treated it's still there and I think my whole body just can't relax anymore, when in my head that's what I want more than anything..
What am I meant to do? Opening this box in my head now, because I can't ignore it forever, has only made me realise how much of a mess I am, it doesn't upset me what happened, I can talk about it easily, I just want to be normal!
I was thirteen when he took advantage of me, I was just a baby really, and it needs sorting out, any advice, without mentioning counselling, (I'm on a waiting list) I just want some kind words of, it will be ok? X
Posted from TSR Mobile
Ten years ago (I can't quite believe it either) my best friends twin brother raped me on and off for a year, he had me wrapped round his little finger, told me everyone would call me a slag if they knew, and generally just scared me really. He would be vile, and then lovely, and vile, and lovely, and I just couldn't escape him, he was my best friends brother.
Anyway, when he found out it stopped, my friend tried to convince me to tell my mum but I refused, and he accepted that and promised he would not let it happen ever again, and it didn't.
Now I had to put what happened with, let's called him Bob, in a box in my head, he was there at all the parties, I had to smile with him in pictures, and I just eventually got over it, I think we sometimes even appeared to be friends, the only thing is now, I am wanting a nice boyfriend but have absolutely no interest in sex... My body physically refuses, to the point where one guy took it that personally he just left, another is that it is complete agony, internally I have some scarring now from the force from Bob, and despite having it treated it's still there and I think my whole body just can't relax anymore, when in my head that's what I want more than anything..
What am I meant to do? Opening this box in my head now, because I can't ignore it forever, has only made me realise how much of a mess I am, it doesn't upset me what happened, I can talk about it easily, I just want to be normal!
I was thirteen when he took advantage of me, I was just a baby really, and it needs sorting out, any advice, without mentioning counselling, (I'm on a waiting list) I just want some kind words of, it will be ok? X
Posted from TSR Mobile
sounds horrible but you're clearly not a mess since you survived through all that bull, you're a strong person you know? Keep it in mind eh?
I'm not scared of him anymore. Infact I just feel sorry for him, he has no friends, and his brother doesn't wanna know him, and neither do the rest of his family.. It's just a shame he has a little girl now because she picks up on the violence between him and her mum, who is basically the female version of him.
I just wish this would go away, because until it does he is still winning, I know you could say a true partner would understand, I know that, if they don't understand well then they clearly aren't worth it, but them understanding won't fix the problem, infact if they understand too much and just accept the fact we won't have sex, then that really isn't going to be that helpful!!
Posted from TSR Mobile
I just wish this would go away, because until it does he is still winning, I know you could say a true partner would understand, I know that, if they don't understand well then they clearly aren't worth it, but them understanding won't fix the problem, infact if they understand too much and just accept the fact we won't have sex, then that really isn't going to be that helpful!!
Posted from TSR Mobile
you were raped and you didn't report it to the police? what the **** is wrong with you...?
It's absolutely none of my business, but why don't you report him now? Why didn't you do it then? It's really not fair to have some who treated you like that just roaming around so freely.
As for the way you're feeling, I think it's great you're on the waiting list. I think that will probably help the most.
Just know, nothing stays the same forever. Things always do get better and circumstances change, that is just life.
As for the way you're feeling, I think it's great you're on the waiting list. I think that will probably help the most.
Just know, nothing stays the same forever. Things always do get better and circumstances change, that is just life.
What's wrong with me?
I didnt report it because for a long long time I saw it as my fault, and sometimes still do a little bit.
If you really wanna make me feel bad, well my dad is a policeman, so yes, call me stupid, but it won't make a difference.
I'm not sure anything would come of it if I reported him now. I haven't seen him in years, I'm more than happy at that.
Posted from TSR Mobile
I didnt report it because for a long long time I saw it as my fault, and sometimes still do a little bit.
If you really wanna make me feel bad, well my dad is a policeman, so yes, call me stupid, but it won't make a difference.
I'm not sure anything would come of it if I reported him now. I haven't seen him in years, I'm more than happy at that.
Posted from TSR Mobile
What's happened to you has been a significant trauma. Hopefully you will get good enough counseling to help you to work it out, come to terms with it and let you move forward. You have to be determined that you wont let this person hold you back and that you are strong enough to deal with it. Hopefully decent counseling/ therapy will enable you to engage in the sort of realtionship you wnat without associating things with this previous trauma.
There are plenty of sources of information, helplines and forums in the following link, which you cna look at whilst waiting.
http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/abuse/sexual-abuse/
You most definitely can deal with it and have a normal life. best wishes.
You might also get referred to a sex therapist as part of the counseling to deal with the physical aspects.
as katarvi indicated above theres a p
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Vaginismus/Pages/Treatment.aspx
hysical side to vaginismus as well as the mental trauma.
There are plenty of sources of information, helplines and forums in the following link, which you cna look at whilst waiting.
http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/abuse/sexual-abuse/
You most definitely can deal with it and have a normal life. best wishes.
You might also get referred to a sex therapist as part of the counseling to deal with the physical aspects.
as katarvi indicated above theres a p
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Vaginismus/Pages/Treatment.aspx
hysical side to vaginismus as well as the mental trauma.
(edited 8 years ago)
well my first advice was going to be counselling, so it's great you're on a waiting list for that I don't know what the physical problems you have are, but I guess only a doctor can tell you what the implications are there going forwards... in terms of mentally, hopefully counselling can help but really, cut yourself some slack, it's hard to have sex when you're not interested and as of now the only knowledge you have of 'sex' is trauma and pain so you're hardly going to be getting super excited about it, it will probably take some time and patience to overcome that and understand what sex can be, and you'll need an understanding partner for that... I don't think the solution is to never have sex at all, what you probably need is someone who is happy to take things slowly and at a pace you're comfortable with, start with making out, then focus on non penetrative things for a while until you can relax and enjoy each stage before moving things on
the pain can be a really vicious cycle as it makes you more anxious for the next time but then you're more tense and it hurts more... but taking your time and keeping everything in your control should hopefully help
I don't know what the physical problems you have are, but I guess only a doctor can tell you what the implications are there going forwards... in terms of mentally, hopefully counselling can help but really, cut yourself some slack, it's hard to have sex when you're not interested and as of now the only knowledge you have of 'sex' is trauma and pain so you're hardly going to be getting super excited about it, it will probably take some time and patience to overcome that and understand what sex can be, and you'll need an understanding partner for that... I don't think the solution is to never have sex at all, what you probably need is someone who is happy to take things slowly and at a pace you're comfortable with, start with making out, then focus on non penetrative things for a while until you can relax and enjoy each stage before moving things onthe pain can be a really vicious cycle as it makes you more anxious for the next time but then you're more tense and it hurts more... but taking your time and keeping everything in your control should hopefully help
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Abuse.
- Is it really possible for two persons of opposite sex to be best friends only?
- Would you guys act this way towards your female friends?
- my boyfriend’s sister disrespected me
- Does Warwick still have a rape culture?
- Emmanuel Katto : Best college for AI Learning ?
- How to write about incest realistically
- Kallisto's Sunday Question: Siblings
- Uni with sibling
- Am I overreacting
- my bf
- I hit my younger brother
- Do I keep in contact?
- bad ex friend is trying to get in touch after a year
- Relationship advice please!
- Is University of Leeds like what my brother says it is
- A survey based on toxic masculinity
- Brother creeps me out, any suggestions ?
- Students accused of rape at university bringing lawyers to hearings
- Why would a guy be offended that I stalked his social media?
Latest
Last reply 1 minute ago
Official University College London Applicant Thread for 2024Last reply 1 minute ago
Official London School of Economics and Political Science 2024 Applicant ThreadLast reply 1 minute ago
Biology 4.1 Immunity (T cells and B cells)Last reply 5 minutes ago
want to break up with my boyfriend but i'm too ****ed up to be with anyone elseLast reply 6 minutes ago
Should I insure Warwick or Bristol for EconomicsLast reply 12 minutes ago
Official: University of Bristol A100 2024 Entry ApplicantsLast reply 13 minutes ago
I don’t know what i want to do and subject choices are coming to a closeLast reply 14 minutes ago
Would I have Student finance help if I do a Foundation Year?Trending
Last reply 3 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 1 week ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceTrending
Last reply 3 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 1 week ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choice
