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Worried about my parents

My parents were on the verge of divorce when I was young so I don't remember much about it, but now they argue over almost everything. Once they were arguing about my foster sister and I managed to step in and get them both into a mature conversation without her shouting and him getting very angry, but I can't be there all the time. I wish they would manage to get along because they are both getting old and my biggest fear is losing one of them soon. I don't know what I'd do when they pass away and I really hate thinking about it, but they are both always very tired, my dad has a blood pressure problem and has been in the hospital many times, and my mum has diabetes.

Reply 1

Sweet-Euphoria

Did they actually say they would be depending on you for money when you are 19?

Reply 2

princesshannah1986

Hey,

Firstly Im sorry that you are in this position and Im sorry that it is getting you down, i only can imagine how you must feel.

My parents have been on the brink of divorce for the last 10 years or so of their marriage.I used to try and do what you do and step in and help to sort the issue out but I think I finally realised that no matter how much I love them and want them to stay together it is down to them to sort it out and if they are going to break up Im afraid nobody will stop it from happening it will enevatably (spelt wrong) happen.

If it helps, you can speak to someone in the job centre because as far as I am aware you can get a young carer/helpers allowance. Other than that I dont know what else to say, I will have a think and come back if I think of anything else that might help xx

Reply 3

glaucon

What's the underlying problem that makes them argue? Stress? Finances? Or just a clash in character?

Could you buy your Mum a treadmill?

I don't know your situation, but surely there must be some way of balancing the books? You could get them to talk t a financial advisor - they may not like that suggestion but it might help.

Sounds really tough, hope it works out ok.

Reply 4

simple_things

it's not all hopeless. i've been in almost the same situation and i'm sure there's a few others around that have too. you never know, the situation may resolve itself as well.

i'm 19 now. my parents have just separated and are getting divorced. whilst the argument was going on it seemed like this outcome was negative. in many ways it is, BUT it actually turned out to be a good thing too in equal measure. it needed to happen. now it's all final it's sad, but actually everyone is a lot healthier and better moods, etc (mum's lost 2 stone, dad's drinking MUCH less... general household tension is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy down) there's positive sides to divorce, foresight doesn't often pick them up. as i've said your situation may resolve itself again though.

also if they work so hard then they should have some sort of pension sorted out. it's not your job to have to care for them like that at 19! it could happen but it's more than likely you'd follow a similar path to them if you do go down that route. don't overstress yourself just because they're overstressing themselves. take time out and do what you want every now and then. you can help in other ways (housework, etc) and let your brother and parents worry about the money. feels like neglect, but in taking time out now you'll be able to help out so much more later when you're in a well paid job that you like.

Reply 5

global_warning

Don't want to make light of a difficult situation, but nowadays, 52 and 60 are not that old. They still have time to improve their health- they are young enough still so that positive changes would make a difference.

Reply 6

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Just play it cool like ur gonna help them, then run-off to uni when ur 18 and let them sort it out themselves! Being overweight and having no money.... im seeing some sort of correlation there...

They should be ashamed putting that sort of pressure on you! And a foster child...i can understand people liking children but really, a little consideration for their circumstances first is all it takes.

Reply 7

Ywiss

How are you going to be expected to pay their way in life at only 19 years old when you yourself are only just establishing yourself financially? You'll be barely able to support one person, let alone three of you...unless you're going into some fast-track, high-paid job?

Reply 8

AntiLearner

They aren't planning on depending on me financially, but things such as paying for holidays and helping with bills. It's when I start earning that I'll have to start saving an amount for my parents.

Thank you for the replies, but I don't think posting this here was such a good idea, if you know what I mean. It's too private for a public forum. Thanks to those who replied though!