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Can you please check my Prefect application? watch

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    If this is the wrong section sorry but I'm not sure where it should go

    Dear ..,I am writing this letter in application for the role of Prefect.Being a prefect is something that has interested me for anumber of years. Taking a leading role and showing initiative is something thatis innate to me, I have had a number of opportunities to exercise suchabilities and I would like to extend this further into the everyday schoolenvironment. I have developed my team working skills considerably during mytime at ... and also outside of school at the British Heart Foundationin which I work as a team; coordinating sales on the shop floor andorganisation in the warehouse. I believe my leadership skills as head of PR andsecretary have been exemplified showing reliability, leadership skills andorganisation. However, as this role is temporary I believe becoming a Prefectwould be the perfect opportunity to continue my active contribution to theschool. During my lower years I became involved in sport, hockey and badmintonas well as music, now I would l would like to become involved in other areas ofschool life.I have found conducting duties, including tours as beingrewarding, the knowledge you have positively represented the image of yourschool to prospective students and parents is a responsibility that I wish tocontinue.Being reliable and punctual is something that I take greatpride in. I strive to maintain reliability in all aspects, whether it behanding in homework or assignments on time, having the correct equipment forthe lesson, and turning up to work on time or being punctual to appointments.This belief is something I have upheld during the short period of time thatduties have been assigned.As a Prefect has the role of representing the school Iunderstand the essentiality of being well dressed and it is something that Itake pride in, not only the fact of it being essential for visitors andprospective students, but also outside of school. Recently I have noticed therole of a Sixth form student is not only to complete A-levels, but is also toset a positive example to those in the lower school. For these reason I believe that I would be a suitable Prefectat ....Yours sincerely,
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    (Original post by finn61)
    If this is the wrong section sorry but I'm not sure where it should go
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    Hate making corrections on TSR so **** it, using Word
    It's a start for sure.

    Keep drafting.
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  1. File Type: docx Prefect Draft..docx (22.3 KB, 121 views)
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    (Original post by finn61)
    If this is the wrong section sorry but I'm not sure where it should go
    Not a bother! I've just moved this thread to a more appropriate section. All the best
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    (Original post by RMNDK)
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    Hate making corrections on TSR so **** it, using Word
    It's a start for sure.

    Keep drafting.
    Thank you very much, I appreciate it
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    (Original post by finn61)
    Thank you very much, I appreciate it
    No problem.
    If you come up with more drafts, I'm happy to review it again, or I'm sure others will want to help to
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    I'll try and be less of a prick in the future
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    (Original post by RMNDK)
    No problem.
    If you come up with more drafts, I'm happy to review it again, or I'm sure others will want to help to
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    I'll try and be less of a prick in the future
    Not to worry, I have cut and added some bits but overall your suggestions were great, this looks much better now (the ... I left were in place of school and names but I don't suppose it matters much):

    Dear MissBailey,I am writingthis letter in application for the roleof Prefect.Taking a leading role and showing initiative are two important attributesinnate to me. I have hadplenty of opportunities to exercise such abilities and being a prefectwould be a fantastic opportunity to extend this further into the schoolenvironment. I havedeveloped my team working skills considerably during my time at John Hampden andalso outside of school at the British Heart Foundation in which I work as ateam; coordinating sales on the shop floor and organisation of products in thewarehouse. As head of PR and secretary for the Question Time/ Politicon event Ihave been working with other students to successfully create a large school event,this event allowed me to test my graphical skills and team working abilities,but also work with students I wouldn’t have otherwise. However, as this role istemporary I believe becoming a Prefect would be the perfect opportunity tocontinue my active contribution to the school. Over thepast 5 years, I have shaped into a more mature and educated student whoappreciates the positive image that the school works to demonstrate toprospective students and parents. Over the short period of time that I haveconducted duties and school tours I have attempted to emulate this. This is akey responsibility to maintaining this positive image and is one I wish tocontinue. With it comes the essentiality of being well dressed and it issomething that I take pride in, not only the fact of it being essential forvisitors and prospective students, but also outside of school to maintain thepublic image.Beingreliable and punctual is something that I take endeavour to do. I strive tomaintain reliability in all aspects, whether it be handing in homework orassignments on time, having the correct equipment for the lesson, turning up towork on time or appointments.I have learnt that the role of a Sixth form student has a much greaterpurpose than to complete A-levels, they set a positive example to those in thelower school and embody the school’s success in education and discipline. Prefectsare the leaders of this duty and I believe I am suitable to undertake thisposition at John Hampden.Yourssincerely,... {�4:�
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    (Original post by finn61)
    Not to worry, I have cut and added some bits but overall your suggestions were great, this looks much better now (the ... I left were in place of school and names but I don't suppose it matters much):

    Dear MissBailey,I am writingthis letter in application for the roleof Prefect.Taking a leading role and showing initiative are two important attributesinnate to me. I have hadplenty of opportunities to exercise such abilities and being a prefectwould be a fantastic opportunity to extend this further into the schoolenvironment. I havedeveloped my team working skills considerably during my time at John Hampden andalso outside of school at the British Heart Foundation in which I work as ateam; coordinating sales on the shop floor and organisation of products in thewarehouse. As head of PR and secretary for the Question Time/ Politicon event Ihave been working with other students to successfully create a large school event,this event allowed me to test my graphical skills and team working abilities,but also work with students I wouldn’t have otherwise. However, as this role istemporary I believe becoming a Prefect would be the perfect opportunity tocontinue my active contribution to the school. Over thepast 5 years, I have shaped into a more mature and educated student whoappreciates the positive image that the school works to demonstrate toprospective students and parents. Over the short period of time that I haveconducted duties and school tours I have attempted to emulate this. This is akey responsibility to maintaining this positive image and is one I wish tocontinue. With it comes the essentiality of being well dressed and it issomething that I take pride in, not only the fact of it being essential forvisitors and prospective students, but also outside of school to maintain thepublic image.Beingreliable and punctual is something that I take endeavour to do. I strive tomaintain reliability in all aspects, whether it be handing in homework orassignments on time, having the correct equipment for the lesson, turning up towork on time or appointments.I have learnt that the role of a Sixth form student has a much greaterpurpose than to complete A-levels, they set a positive example to those in thelower school and embody the school’s success in education and discipline. Prefectsare the leaders of this duty and I believe I am suitable to undertake thisposition at John Hampden.Yourssincerely,... {�4:�

    This is much much better now.
    It flows well and it illustrates the key points sharply.

    I think all that needs now is a tiny bit of touching up with words, or just checking for spelling, punctuation and grammar. (For instance you said "I take endeavour to do", remove the "take".)

    Other than that it's great
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    (Original post by RMNDK)
    This is much much better now.
    It flows well and it illustrates the key points sharply.

    I think all that needs now is a tiny bit of touching up with words, or just checking for spelling, punctuation and grammar. (For instance you said "I take endeavour to do", remove the "take".)

    Other than that it's great
    oops, I need to get better at proof reading, again thanks for the help
 
 
 
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