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I'm not sure long distance will work, do I break up now before I get too attached? watch

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    My girlfriend of 5 months is going to be studying in Germany next year as a part of her course. I love her and could see us together for at least another year if she was still in England but I'm not sure long distance will work. I'm not sure I can see myself marrying her so I think maybe it would be a waste of time trying to cling on whilst she's in Germany exploring new things and meeting new people, including guys. She says she doesn't want us to end it and she wants me to visit but I think it's harder for her to understand because she doesn't really lose much. She gets to be living a new exciting life and have me as the safety net, flying over to see her. I'm not ready to break up yet but I'm also worried about getting too attached and then the process being even harder. I don't know what to do. I don't want life to pass me by while I wait for her to come back for her to potentially cheat on me. But I'm also scared of losing her and then regretting it later on.
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    Well, you said you don't see yourself marrying her and that the relationship would last for another year at most. I'd say break up with her. Make sure to explain why you want to break up, how hard it is for you to do this and that you've looked at all options.
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    You say you love her but you only see yourself being with her for another year at max....?
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    Sorry I didn't necessarily mean another year at most, I've edited it now. I meant that if next year she was in England we'd be together for sure (and then the following years), but I don't know if we would last a year in Germany.

    (Original post by EdwardBarfield9)
    Well, you said you don't see yourself marrying her and that the relationship would last for another year at most. I'd say break up with her. Make sure to explain why you want to break up, how hard it is for you to do this and that you've looked at all options.
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    You should getout
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    (Original post by getout)
    My girlfriend of 5 months is going to be studying in Germany next year as a part of her course. I love her and could see us together for at least another year if she was still in England but I'm not sure long distance will work. I'm not sure I can see myself marrying her so I think maybe it would be a waste of time trying to cling on whilst she's in Germany exploring new things and meeting new people, including guys. She says she doesn't want us to end it and she wants me to visit but I think it's harder for her to understand because she doesn't really lose much. She gets to be living a new exciting life and have me as the safety net, flying over to see her. I'm not ready to break up yet but I'm also worried about getting too attached and then the process being even harder. I don't know what to do. I don't want life to pass me by while I wait for her to come back for her to potentially cheat on me. But I'm also scared of losing her and then regretting it later on.
    First off, it's a year. A YEAR. A year isn't much, I'm planning on going to university in England for 3 years and my partner is more than supportive. Yes, It'll be hard, but we want it to work. She doesn't want to end it, and wants to visit you - i.e, take the time and money to come back to YOU - what makes you think she's going to cheat? Are you willing to make the effort?
    God forbid if she makes male friends!

    She's not losing much? She's being away from family and friends and you for a year in a brand new culture and country.

    You seem to have a lot of insecurities. Maybe these are blinding what you really want? Life won't pass you by in a year, it's 12 months, you can do a lot and still chat/skype with her. If you think you'll regret it, then don't break up - do you honestly really like her?

    You don't have to be married to someone to spend the rest of your life with them, but if you really really can't see yourself with her, I would get out now. It'll make things easier for you both (It'll be hard, but it would be a lot harder down the line )
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    (Original post by getout)
    My girlfriend of 5 months is going to be studying in Germany next year as a part of her course. I love her and could see us together for at least another year if she was still in England but I'm not sure long distance will work. I'm not sure I can see myself marrying her so I think maybe it would be a waste of time trying to cling on whilst she's in Germany exploring new things and meeting new people, including guys. She says she doesn't want us to end it and she wants me to visit but I think it's harder for her to understand because she doesn't really lose much. She gets to be living a new exciting life and have me as the safety net, flying over to see her. I'm not ready to break up yet but I'm also worried about getting too attached and then the process being even harder. I don't know what to do. I don't want life to pass me by while I wait for her to come back for her to potentially cheat on me. But I'm also scared of losing her and then regretting it later on.
    Has she given you any reason to think she would cheat on you?

    Also, isn't it best to love as much as you can for as long as you can? Don't just give up early because for a finite (and in the long run short) amount of time it'll be harder. it would hurt now to break up for things that haven't even happened yet, why not just go with it and TRY to make it work with someone you already love? Isn't the point of finding a good relationship that you will have to risk your heart getting hurt?
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    (Original post by LadyEcliptic)
    First off, it's a year. A YEAR. A year isn't much, I'm planning on going to university in England for 3 years and my partner is more than supportive. Yes, It'll be hard, but we want it to work. She doesn't want to end it, and wants to visit you - i.e, take the time and money to come back to YOU - what makes you think she's going to cheat? Are you willing to make the effort?
    God forbid if she makes male friends!

    She's not losing much? She's being away from family and friends and you for a year in a brand new culture and country.

    You seem to have a lot of insecurities. Maybe these are blinding what you really want? Life won't pass you by in a year, it's 12 months, you can do a lot and still chat/skype with her. If you think you'll regret it, then don't break up - do you honestly really like her?

    You don't have to be married to someone to spend the rest of your life with them, but if you really really can't see yourself with her, I would get out now. It'll make things easier for you both (It'll be hard, but it would be a lot harder down the line )
    I was saying she wants me to visit her, not the other way around. She hasn't said anything about visiting me but I'm guessing she will to see her family. I don't know what I'm going to do it just sucks because I had a had a pretty bad breakup before her and it took me so long to get over it and I don't want to go through another breakup and I don't want to end it with her so soon. But I also want to make sure I focus on myself next year.

    When I said she isn't losing much I mean that she is the one going to have an exciting new life and I'm going to be the one stuck in England, no longer a fresher with a big gaping hole in my life.
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    (Original post by Jennie1987)
    Has she given you any reason to think she would cheat on you?

    Also, isn't it best to love as much as you can for as long as you can? Don't just give up early because for a finite (and in the long run short) amount of time it'll be harder. it would hurt now to break up for things that haven't even happened yet, why not just go with it and TRY to make it work with someone you already love? Isn't the point of finding a good relationship that you will have to risk your heart getting hurt?
    Yeah I agree with you which is why I've continued to stay with her even though I know it'll probably end. It's just now getting to the point where I do have strong feelings for her and I don't want to regret anything but I'm scared of going through a potentially even harder breakup later down in the line.

    In terms of cheating, I don't know if she would, I'd like to hope not but in a country with exciting new friends and me having no idea. It could be easy. I wouldn't have to find out and she can still have me whenever she wants.
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    (Original post by getout)
    Yeah I agree with you which is why I've continued to stay with her even though I know it'll probably end. It's just now getting to the point where I do have strong feelings for her and I don't want to regret anything but I'm scared of going through a potentially even harder breakup later down in the line.

    In terms of cheating, I don't know if she would, I'd like to hope not but in a country with exciting new friends and me having no idea. It could be easy. I wouldn't have to find out and she can still have me whenever she wants.
    All you can do is hope for the best and mentally choose to believe she loved you enough not to do anything to hurt you. Even if you don't have the faith you need to keep taking steps to put off your negative thoughts. At any point in any relationship you could break up, or hurt one another, so you have to consider this just to be another step in your relationship and deal with your fear that it could end separately.
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    (Original post by getout)
    I was saying she wants me to visit her, not the other way around. She hasn't said anything about visiting me but I'm guessing she will to see her family. I don't know what I'm going to do it just sucks because I had a had a pretty bad breakup before her and it took me so long to get over it and I don't want to go through another breakup and I don't want to end it with her so soon. But I also want to make sure I focus on myself next year.

    When I said she isn't losing much I mean that she is the one going to have an exciting new life and I'm going to be the one stuck in England, no longer a fresher with a big gaping hole in my life.
    See, she wants you to be with her, she may not have the money
    Break ups are ****, I know, you have to have a few frogs before you find your prince(cess).
    It might seem exciting but it could be the total opposite when she gets there.

    I'm stuck in NI atm cause I'm too ill to be going overseas. I want to so badly, and that's even just to visit England for a day, and I feel there is a gaping hole, so I know the feeling. You just need to sit back, write down whats bothering you and what you want to do with it.

    If you are stuck on the long distance won't work idea, then maybe it's your body telling you something? It could be because you're still worried about a bad break up. You need to do what is best for you, even if it hurts some people along the way.
 
 
 
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