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Bf or mum?

Hi everybody. I am 18 years old and am living at home whilst doing a gap year before starting uni in the autumn. I have had a bf for the last 7 months and whilst we have had our ups and downs at the moment we are very happy and in love. i have also had a good relationship with my mum.

My problem is that on my day off from work on Thursday, my bf booked to two tickets to see the new Pirates of the Carribean film. I was over the moon when I found out. He also asked me to spend Bank holiday Monday with him. This way I could spend the Tuesday which is my day off work with my mum.

However when I told my mum this, she got upset and said that she was going to be lonely on Thursday when I go to see the film and that she wanted me to spend time with her. When I told her about the Bank holiday she was even more upset and told me that she wanted to do something with me and can't on the Tuesday as she has to stay at home to wait for her car to come back from the garage. However I can't see my bf on the Tuesday as he has an exam.

I feel sorry for her as I know that she is lonely but I feel I have a right to live my own life. I now don't know what to do. I will feel bad if I go out with my bf and now my bf told me he will feel guilty too.

Reply 1

britishseapower

14

If I was you I would go to the film and spend the bank holiday with your mum if she has something planned, that seems reasonable enough.

Reply 2

*Sparkle*

17

Why don't you do something at home together on the tuesday?

Reply 3

britishseapower

14

does your mum not have any relatives/friends who could visit her or vice versa whist you're away? this is probably not really a good solution as it's expensive, maybe not feasible and pets shouldn't really be bought for this reason alone but they can make surprisingly good company.

Reply 4

matthew.swallow

4

When I read the thread tittle I thought it was going to be something much worse than that. If it were me I would pick my girl friend- and I don't think my mum would stop me or say anything... but if your bf gets on with your mum why don't you ask him if you can all do something together on the Monday.

Also, if your bf has an exam on Tuesday perhaps he should spend the time on Monday revising for it? In that case you would be doing him a favour by spending time with your mum.

Oh also- you are moving to uni next yr so ur mum needs to get used to u not being there!

Reply 5

balloon_parade

14

Maybe your mum just wants to spend more time with you before you go away to uni?

Its not your fault shes upset so you shouldn't feel guilty but just do like someones said, just something at home on tuesday until the car comes back?

Reply 6

ub3r

1

You can spend time with your mum another time...

Reply 7

Schmokie Dragon

17

You do have the right to your own life. I'm sure she can amuse herself for a day.

Reply 8

WokSz

17

^ just as she can with her boyfriend.

I would say that you all three spend time together. How about a meal and then movie?

Reply 9

shona

10

miss_atziki

My problem is that on my day off from work on Thursday, my bf booked to two tickets to see the new Pirates of the Carribean film. I was over the moon when I found out. He also asked me to spend Bank holiday Monday with him. This way I could spend the Tuesday which is my day off work with my mum.

However when I told my mum this, she got upset and said that she was going to be lonely on Thursday when I go to see the film and that she wanted me to spend time with her. When I told her about the Bank holiday she was even more upset and told me that she wanted to do something with me and can't on the Tuesday as she has to stay at home to wait for her car to come back from the garage. However I can't see my bf on the Tuesday as he has an exam.

The film on Thursday isn't going to last all day long - could you maybe grab lunch/dinner with your mum at some point then? So you'd see both of them at different points of the day.

On Tuesday, maybe you could rent a film and stay in with your mum whilst she's waiting for your car?

I don't think you're being unreasonable wanting some alone time with your boyfriend and your mum is going to have to get used to you not being at home for long periods of time when you do go off to uni. But because you do love her, compromise a little so you do get to spend time with both. Don't feel as if you have to cancel anything though - you can surely fit your mum into your existing plans somehow.

Reply 10

Talya

16

Surely your mum has to get used to you being away? You planned things before she told you she wanted to do anything, so it's hardly your fault.

Reply 11

hippieglitter

19

Your mum is lucky you are making time for her at all i know so many people who don't spend time with their mums at all.

Reply 12

ub3r

1

I am sorry but my mum wouldnt dream of saying '..but i am going to be lonely..' if i told her that i was going out with my boyfriend and that he had ALREADY booked tickets for a film. How self centered can you get?

Reply 13

Killer_Queen

OP

i did as you suggested and planned to go out in the morning with my mum before I go to the cinema. However, she has now started saying things like, "you don't really want to go out with me" and doing things in the house so that we are getting held up. Now I don't think there's going to be enough time. This is making me ill as I'm trying to do the best I can but I still feel guilty for leaving her.

Reply 14

--

3

miss_atziki

i did as you suggested and planned to go out in the morning with my mum before I go to the cinema. However, she has now started saying things like, "you don't really want to go out with me" and doing things in the house so that we are getting held up. Now I don't think there's going to be enough time. This is making me ill as I'm trying to do the best I can but I still feel guilty for leaving her.

Don't. She's trying to make you feel guilty by making it so that you can't do stuff with her, don't let her succeed. She's (supposedly) a grown woman, she'll cope without you for a couple of hours. If she's like this now, how will she be when you're at university? Your mum needs to start to get used to the fact you're not going to be around forever and if she won't spend time with you when you've made time for her, then don't feel guilty about it - it's her fault, not yours.

Reply 15

tinkerbellejess

13

*Sparkle*

Why don't you do something at home together on the tuesday?

I was thinking that, you don't have to go out in order to spend time together.
I think your mum is maybe being a bit unreasonable, I could understand if she already had something planned on both of those days, but if she doesn't it sounds like she's trying to make things difficult.

Reply 16

samba

6

Take your mum and bf out together. That always yields amusing results.

Bf or mum?

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