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Why do I back out when things get serious?? watch

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    I'm going onto my 4th guy currently. I date them, have fun with them (go on dates, do relationship type things etc) and then I get bored and I break up with them. My main goal when going into a relationship or dating someone is to have fun and not be lonely and when things start to get serious or after a couple months that's when I back away. I know what I'm doing subconsciously but I can't really stop myself. In all 3 cases, I've somehow convinced myself that I've liked the guy but then it turns out that I don't. And this 4th guy, I do like him and enjoy having fun with him and the time we spend together but I know its going to end like the others. Although I'm not going to break up with him now despite knowing this. Why do I keep doing this?? Is it that I just haven't found someone I really like or is cause I just don't want to be lonely idk.. Although I feel like number 4 is someone who I should be really compatible with and really into (I can't think of anyone better) but I know its going to end like the others.
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    maybe you should learn to stop using other people and develop some emotional maturity.
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    (Original post by insert-username)
    maybe you should learn to stop using other people and develop some emotional maturity.
    Word
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    (Original post by insert-username)
    maybe you should learn to stop using other people and develop some emotional maturity.
    Word
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    (Original post by insert-username)
    maybe you should learn to stop using other people and develop some emotional maturity.
    word.
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    (Original post by insert-username)
    maybe you should learn to stop using other people and develop some emotional maturity.
    Word.
    • #1
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    (Original post by insert-username)
    maybe you should learn to stop using other people and develop some emotional maturity.
    easy said than done
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    easy said than done
    If you find that difficult, you shouldn't be in a relationship
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    easy said than done
    word
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    (Original post by insert-username)
    maybe you should learn to stop using other people and develop some emotional maturity.
    Powerpoint.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    easy said than done
    No one said it would be easy lol.
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    (Original post by studentfeed)
    If you find that difficult, you shouldn't be in a relationship
    Excel
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    (Original post by phunky_fresh)
    Word
    Outlook

    You need to stop rushing into relationships or state from the beginning you are looking for something casual.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    easy said than done

    You just don't like the guys enough.

    Or perhaps there are deeper issues.

    Or perhaps you are just a *****.


    Nothing particularly wrong with what you are doing though.
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    (Original post by stefano865)
    You just don't like the guys enough.

    Or perhaps there are deeper issues.

    Or perhaps you are just a *****.


    Nothing particularly wrong with what you are doing though.
    Amen

    There's a lot wrong with leading a bunch of guys on and then ditching them the minute she gets bored, depends if she makes clear she doesn't want anything serious, which I doubt she does because she sounds like a *****
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    (Original post by whorace)
    Amen

    There's a lot wrong with leading a bunch of guys on and then ditching them the minute she gets bored, depends if she makes clear she doesn't want anything serious, which I doubt she does because she sounds like a *****

    Agree.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm going onto my 4th guy currently. I date them, have fun with them (go on dates, do relationship type things etc) and then I get bored and I break up with them. My main goal when going into a relationship or dating someone is to have fun and not be lonely and when things start to get serious or after a couple months that's when I back away. I know what I'm doing subconsciously but I can't really stop myself. In all 3 cases, I've somehow convinced myself that I've liked the guy but then it turns out that I don't. And this 4th guy, I do like him and enjoy having fun with him and the time we spend together but I know its going to end like the others. Although I'm not going to break up with him now despite knowing this. Why do I keep doing this?? Is it that I just haven't found someone I really like or is cause I just don't want to be lonely idk.. Although I feel like number 4 is someone who I should be really compatible with and really into (I can't think of anyone better) but I know its going to end like the others.
    It's not easy but you clearly need to develop some emotional maturity and overcome your fear of commitment.

    It's not fair to break up with a guy after a few months because you get bored. You need to decide what you really want from a boyfriend and stick to it. If this 4th guy doesn't tick all of your boxes or you feel like he's not that into you anymore then that's a legitimate reason to break things off, not because you're bored.

    Maybe you broke it off with one of your ex's and hurt him because you were scared of commitment and he was really the right one for you and treated you properly etc. And that's something you don't want to go through life regretting. My point is that you need to decide want you want and if you feel completely comfortable with this 4th guy then build up the courage to take the plunge and go further. However, if there's someone else or you feel like you pushed away one of your ex's then consider rebuilding that and reaching out to him as maybe you've pushed away the guy who is really the right one for you and you don't want to regret that.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's not easy but you clearly need to develop some emotional maturity and overcome your fear of commitment.

    It's not fair to break up with a guy after a few months because you get bored. You need to decide what you really want from a boyfriend and stick to it. If this 4th guy doesn't tick all of your boxes or you feel like he's not that into you anymore then that's a legitimate reason to break things off, not because you're bored.

    Maybe you broke it off with one of your ex's and hurt him because you were scared of commitment and he was really the right one for you and treated you properly etc. And that's something you don't want to go through life regretting. My point is that you need to decide want you want and if you feel completely comfortable with this 4th guy then build up the courage to take the plunge and go further. However, if there's someone else or you feel like you pushed away one of your ex's then consider rebuilding that and reaching out to him as maybe you've pushed away the guy who is really the right one for you and you don't want to regret that.
    None of them really wanted any thing to do with me after I broke it off with them so that's not really an option even when I insisted we should stay friends again I expected it. And I do think number 4 is great but I think its very much me that is going to cause the end result to be the same even if I try to go forward. Like others have said my emotional maturity is clearly f*cked up and yes I am scared of commitment. At the beginning its always great and I feel a real connection but then there are these little things later on that make me realise yes its going to end the same unfortunately. Should I just make it clear to him that I want something casual? Although I think he would maybe distance since he's made it clear that he really likes me and wants a relationship etc (And I said me too even though I didn't mean it as usual)

    I dont know why I keep doing this...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    None of them really wanted any thing to do with me after I broke it off with them so that's not really an option even when I insisted we should stay friends again I expected it. And I do think number 4 is great but I think its very much me that is going to cause the end result to be the same even if I try to go forward. Like others have said my emotional maturity is clearly f*cked up and yes I am scared of commitment. At the beginning its always great and I feel a real connection but then there are these little things later on that make me realise yes its going to end the same unfortunately. Should I just make it clear to him that I want something casual? Although I think he would maybe distance since he's made it clear that he really likes me and wants a relationship etc (And I said me too even though I didn't mean it as usual)

    I dont know why I keep doing this...
    Just be upfront with him and say you are not ready for a relationship and you would like things to remain casual but please don't lead him on.
    Just say you have had issues in past relationship and not ready to commit yet.
 
 
 
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