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I have Borderline Personality Disorder but I'm ashamed. (+AMA) Watch

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    So, I find it weird even making this thread even under anon as I know TSR people can obviously see who I am but I just want to be able to talk about this thing I'm so ashamed of.

    I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) 2 years ago. I don't want it to define me but I can't help but realise that the condition does explain a lot of my behaviours and problems. My issue is I don't know how to be open about it. I'm open about the more general MH conditions that are actually part of my BPD (Depression, anxiety, occasional mania) but stating the umbrella diagnosis petrifies me. I'm worried people will judge me.

    Does anyone else on here have BPD and feel the same?

    Also thought I would put an AMA just incase there is anyone who wants to ask questions about what BPD is and what it is like to have a misunderstood MH condition.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So, I find it weird even making this thread even under anon as I know TSR people can obviously see who I am but I just want to be able to talk about this thing I'm so ashamed of.

    I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) 2 years ago. I don't want it to define me but I can't help but realise that the condition does explain a lot of my behaviours and problems. My issue is I don't know how to be open about it. I'm open about the more general MH conditions that are actually part of my BPD (Depression, anxiety, occasional mania) but stating the umbrella diagnosis petrifies me. I'm worried people will judge me.

    Does anyone else on here have BPD and feel the same?

    Also thought I would put an AMA just incase there is anyone who wants to ask questions about what BPD is and what it is like to have a misunderstood MH condition.
    I don't have BPD but i think that people care a lot less than you think they do so you're free to do more without being judged
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So, I find it weird even making this thread even under anon as I know TSR people can obviously see who I am but I just want to be able to talk about this thing I'm so ashamed of.

    I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) 2 years ago. I don't want it to define me but I can't help but realise that the condition does explain a lot of my behaviours and problems. My issue is I don't know how to be open about it. I'm open about the more general MH conditions that are actually part of my BPD (Depression, anxiety, occasional mania) but stating the umbrella diagnosis petrifies me. I'm worried people will judge me.

    Does anyone else on here have BPD and feel the same?

    Also thought I would put an AMA just incase there is anyone who wants to ask questions about what BPD is and what it is like to have a misunderstood MH condition.
    I have BPD and I tend to tell people who are closest to me, like my boyfriend and my best friend, so that they can understand why I act certain ways sometimes. But you don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to. From my experience a lot of people don't know what it is and would ask you to explain which always made me nervous because I thought they would think I was weird while explaining things like splitting, fears of abandonment, etc . But honestly if someone judges you on your mental illness rather than trying to understand it then you shouldn't really be around that person.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So, I find it weird even making this thread even under anon as I know TSR people can obviously see who I am but I just want to be able to talk about this thing I'm so ashamed of.

    I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) 2 years ago. I don't want it to define me but I can't help but realise that the condition does explain a lot of my behaviours and problems. My issue is I don't know how to be open about it. I'm open about the more general MH conditions that are actually part of my BPD (Depression, anxiety, occasional mania) but stating the umbrella diagnosis petrifies me. I'm worried people will judge me.

    Does anyone else on here have BPD and feel the same?

    Also thought I would put an AMA just incase there is anyone who wants to ask questions about what BPD is and what it is like to have a misunderstood MH condition.
    You feel ashamed....because you have a mental health condition?

    Yes that is totally your fault, and makes you an evil person, thought no-one ever.



    Those who judge or may judge do so because of ignorance, and generally people fear the unknown and unfamilar. What you are doing is entirely noble and very commendable: putting yourself through a degree of discomfort/pain to raise awareness.

    You have my respect.
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    (Original post by thefatone)
    I don't have BPD but i think that people care a lot less than you think they do so you're free to do more without being judged
    Would you go out with someone who has BPD ? It bothers me from a relationship perspective, like I'm expecting that person to take on way too much.
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    (Original post by mangostan)
    I have BPD and I tend to tell people who are closest to me, like my boyfriend and my best friend, so that they can understand why I act certain ways sometimes. But you don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to. From my experience a lot of people don't know what it is and would ask you to explain which always made me nervous because I thought they would think I was weird while explaining things like splitting, fears of abandonment, etc . But honestly if someone judges you on your mental illness rather than trying to understand it then you shouldn't really be around that person.
    I completely understand. I think it's more with life and work I feel like people will think I'm crazy or to be wary of my behaviour and also that people will think is that her it is that BPD?

    I think the Hardest part is being unsure of exactly who you are at any given time and you actually think different things about yourself and this is the cause of the behavioural things not the behaviours themselves.
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    (Original post by apronedsamurai)
    You feel ashamed....because you have a mental health condition?

    Yes that is totally your fault, and makes you an evil person, thought no-one ever.



    Those who judge or may judge do so because of ignorance, and generally people fear the unknown and unfamilar. What you are doing is entirely noble and very commendable: putting yourself through a degree of discomfort/pain to raise awareness.

    You have my respect.
    But I'm still doing it on anonymous. I'm not really doing a lot because I'm demonstrating that the stigma exists and prohibits me from just coming out and saying it.

    I know it's not my fault and I can't control it but I'm still ashamed of what the diagnosis seems to suggest about me as a person.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But I'm still doing it on anonymous. I'm not really doing a lot because I'm demonstrating that the stigma exists and prohibits me from just coming out and saying it.

    I know it's not my fault and I can't control it but I'm still ashamed of what the diagnosis seems to suggest about me as a person.
    It suggests NOTHING. It does not govern how evil/good/productive/worthy a person you are.

    Yes, you are doing it on anonymous. But even discussing it, allowing people to contribute, offer their personal experiences of living with a BPD diagnosis is empowering, beneficial and you, as the facilitator of that must take some of the positive credit that arises from it
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    (Original post by apronedsamurai)
    It suggests NOTHING. It does not govern how evil/good/productive/worthy a person you are.

    Yes, you are doing it on anonymous. But even discussing it, allowing people to contribute, offer their personal experiences of living with a BPD diagnosis is empowering, beneficial and you, as the facilitator of that must take some of the positive credit that arises from it
    Thank you so much. I can tell you understand what this feeling of mental health affecting how you think about yourself can be quite paralysing.

    This is an extremely positive comment and makes me feel better that I've done this thread. I hope that through things like what you have just said I will mister the courage to do it off anon at some point.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you so much. I can tell you understand what this feeling of mental health affecting how you think about yourself can be quite paralysing.

    This is an extremely positive comment and makes me feel better that I've done this thread. I hope that through things like what you have just said I will mister the courage to do it off anon at some point.

    We may not come from the same province, but we hail from the same state.

    I know who you are, truly. Just ask Cavy, as to my detective sleuthing skills

    And my opinion of you is not diminished or lessened by any amount whatsoever, by this thread, or disclosure and again must reiterate the content of my previous posts on this thread.



    "
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Would you go out with someone who has BPD ? It bothers me from a relationship perspective, like I'm expecting that person to take on way too much.
    personally IF i was ever in a relationship and i loved someone and it turned out they had BPD that wouldn't matter to me. What matters is that i love them and i would take care of them and help them and comfort them if they had any problems.
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    (Original post by apronedsamurai)
    We may not come from the same province, but we hail from the same state.

    I know who you are, truly. Just ask Cavy, as to my detective sleuthing skills

    And my opinion of you is not diminished or lessened by any amount whatsoever, by this thread, or disclosure and again must reiterate the content of my previous posts on this thread.



    "
    I know you know who I am but did you know before the rep?

    Thank you :hugs:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know you know who I am but did you know before the rep?

    Thank you :hugs:
    Yes.

    If necessary can explain how I knew
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    My recent PD diagnosis is cluster B personality disorder not otherwise specified (though I have cluster A and cluster C traits too; I'm a mess) and I'm in a very happy relationship. Yes, your BPD does explain why you act in a certain way, but it doesn't define you. I mean, do you exhibit all the symptoms of BPD?
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    (Original post by apronedsamurai)
    Yes.

    If necessary can explain how I knew
    Okay I will PM you if that's okay?
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    (Original post by Airmed)
    My recent PD diagnosis is cluster B personality disorder not otherwise specified (though I have cluster A and cluster C traits too; I'm a mess) and I'm in a very happy relationship. Yes, your BPD does explain why you act in a certain way, but it doesn't define you. I mean, do you exhibit all the symptoms of BPD?
    I have exhibited all of them at various points and especially around diagnosis. I have mostly been okay with some of the more destructive behaviours more recently but I'm feeling really bad at the moment. Let me just check out the symptoms again and I will post here what I identify with rn or have in the past.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay I will PM you if that's okay?
    Sure.

    You don't need permission.
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    I feel the same quite often. I was diagnosed with BPD and ptsd just over a year ago but my family are unaware. In fact, the only people that know my diagnosis are those involved in my care. Are you getting any treatment? Just curious
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    (Original post by Airmed)
    My recent PD diagnosis is cluster B personality disorder not otherwise specified (though I have cluster A and cluster C traits too; I'm a mess) and I'm in a very happy relationship. Yes, your BPD does explain why you act in a certain way, but it doesn't define you. I mean, do you exhibit all the symptoms of BPD?
    (Original post by apronedsamurai)
    Sure.

    You don't need permission.
    1. Fear of abandonment. People with BPD are often terrified of being abandoned or left alone. Even something as innocuous as a loved one getting home late from work or going away for the weekend can trigger intense fear. This leads to frantic efforts to keep the other person close. You may beg, cling, start fights, jealously track your loved one’s movements, or even physically block the other person from leaving. Unfortunately, this behavior tends to have the opposite effect—driving others away.

    CHECK- current symptom

    2. Unstable relationships. People with BPD tend to have relationships that are intense and short-lived. You may fall in love quickly, believing each new person is the one who will make you feel whole, only to be quickly disappointed. Your relationships either seem perfect or horrible, with nothing in between. Your lovers, friends, or family members may feel like they have emotional whiplash from your rapid swings between idealization and devaluation, anger, and hate.

    CHECK- current symptom

    3. Unclear or unstable self-image. When you have BPD, your sense of self is typically unstable. Sometimes you may feel good about yourself, but other times you hate yourself, or even view yourself as evil. You probably don’t have a clear idea of who you are or what you want in life. As a result, you may frequently change jobs, friends, lovers, religion, values, goals, and even sexual identity.

    CHECK- current symptom

    4. Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors. If you have BPD, you may engage in harmful, sensation-seeking behaviors, especially when you’re upset. You may impulsively spend money you can’t afford, binge eat, drive recklessly, shoplift, engage in risky sex, or overdo it with drugs or alcohol. These risky behaviors may help you feel better in the moment, but they hurt you and those around you over the long-term.

    CHECK- past symptom

    5. Self-harm. Suicidal behavior and deliberate self-harm is common in people with BPD. Suicidal behavior includes thinking about suicide, making suicidal gestures or threats, or actually carrying out a suicide attempt. Self-harm includes all other attempts to hurt yourself without suicidal intent. Common forms of self-harm include cutting and burning.

    CHECK- current symptom

    6. Extreme emotional swings. Unstable emotions and moods are common with BPD. One moment, you may feel happy, and the next, despondent. Little things that other people brush off can send you into an emotional tailspin. These mood swings are intense, but they tend to pass fairly quickly (unlike the emotional swings of depression or bipolar disorder), usually lasting just a few minutes or hours.

    CHECK- current symptom


    7. Chronic feelings of emptiness. People with BPD often talk about feeling empty, as if there’s a hole or a void inside them. At the extreme, you may feel as if you’re “nothing” or “nobody.” This feeling is uncomfortable, so you may try to fill the hole with things like drugs, food, or sex. But nothing feels truly satisfying.

    CHECK- current symptom


    8. Explosive anger. If you have BPD, you may struggle with intense anger and a short temper. You may also have trouble controlling yourself once the fuse is lit—yelling, throwing things, or becoming completely consumed by rage. It’s important to note that this anger isn’t always directed outwards. You may spend a lot of time being angry at yourself.

    CHECK- current symptom

    9. Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality. People with BPD often struggle with paranoia or suspicious thoughts about others’ motives. When under stress, you may even lose touch with reality—an experience known as dissociation. You may feel foggy, spaced out, or as if you’re outside your own body.

    CHECK- current symptom
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    God I'm crying now. Why am I so messed up? I'm never going to be able to just be normal and not be dragged down by my brain.
 
 
 
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