mate just doesn't get it

im good mates with a guy i went to college with about 3 years ago, we didn't really talk in college but we went on a few dates last year and then i decided it couldn't go any further and then we stayed mates,

then i went out with about 3 other guys and then i broke up with the guy who i really liked a coupole of weeks ago, my mate took me out for a drink hes been fine with me untill last night

he text me asking if we can go on a date i said no we are just mates and thats how it will stay, then he asked why i wasn't interested in having fun with him and maybe something serious!!

i said im not interested in anyone and that i want to be mates,

he just doesn't get it i don't see how i can get it through to him without being really nasty and falling out with him coz im fed up with people trying to take advantage of me and just coz im single they seem to think im well up for it

its doing my head in shall i just cut all contact and ignore him or get tougher and put my foot down once and for all??

Reply 1

Psyk

He's male. We struggle with the whole "just friends" thing. If he's attracted to you he'll probably never see you as just a friend.

Reply 2

veni, vidi, vici

aww bless. no offence, but do you lead him on or anything? i'm a guy and i used to think i had feelings for my best friend (a girl at my college), we talked about it and she said that she liked me alot at first (when i was with someone-typical!) but now she just wants to be mates, so i can understand how he feels. what she did was make it straight from the beginning that nothing could happen between us and i was cool with that, as long as she was honest and gave me a straight answer. if he only wants to know you so he can get in there with you then he isn't a real friend and honestly a lot of guys are only after one thing. you aren't doing anything wrong. come to think about it, this other girl i know is mates with this guy and it is honestly the same situations as yours! he really gets her down saying things like "oh but i'll wait for you" and gets jealous whenver she talks to any other boys, including myself. my advice to her, which is the same as my advice to you is to be considerate of his feelings- cutting him off just like that will make him feel so small but also to be honest and upfront with him. after a while he should get the hint and explain how you just want to be friends. you should never be in a situation where you have to explain yourself- if you don't want to be with someone, then they can't make you fall in love with them! if anything, it puts you off them when they're being like this.

so all in all, have a serious chat about it, tell him how you feel and that he's making you feel uncomfortable. if he's a true friend, he'll still be there even if he doesn't get to kiss you and if not he's just another guy and your better off without someone so manipulative, selfish and generally not very understanding

:smile:

Reply 3

veni, vidi, vici

Psyk

He's male. We struggle with the whole "just friends" thing. If he's attracted to you he'll probably never see you as just a friend.

very true also

Reply 4

daggy

Hmm, well you went on several dates with him, so maybe he thinks he still has a chance of a relationship. Why don't you like him? What suddenly changed after a few dates?

I don't think yuo should cut all contact with him, if you're capable of doing that then you were neever truly his friend, were you?
You can't pick and choose true frineds like that!!

If he really does just wanna drill you though, just give him a swift kick in the nuts with your high heels and say, "that's the closest I'll ever get to your nuts, deal with it or be gone"

Like someone up there ^^^ said, if he has the hots for you, you're gonna have a hard time getting rid of those feelings.

Reply 5

red_Rose

Make you're feelings clear to him and be forceful about it. Dont loose your friendship over it, whatever his feelings he'll get over them in time but dont be voilent to him like the idiot above suggests.

Reply 6

daggy

red_Rose

Lmao shut up!! Her feelings towards him are fairly clear, and, he knows it. So there is no need for her to reiterate the point.

Reply 7

ßlαcksωαn

I don't think you need to end the friendship there...unless he's getting all stalkerish and clingy of course. Just put the foot down, tell it how it is!

Reply 8

trouttrout

Another bit of evidence backing up my theory that girls are never just friends in our eyes, we always wanna shag em at the end of the day!

Reply 9

trouttrout

Another bit of evidence backing up my theory that girls are never just friends in our eyes, we always wanna shag em at the end of the day!

And your evidence comes from where? A H&R forum? Wow, thats going to be an objective look at the situation isn't it... How many girls are likely to post threads saying 'Best friend is a guy, had no problems, hasn't tried it on. WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!?'.