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    Could really do with some help. Be brutal. AQA AS btw.
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    (Original post by Abstract_Prism)
    Could really do with some help. Be brutal. AQA AS btw.
    What kind of help are you looking for?
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    Firstly, your use of critical terminology, while evidence of clear engagement with the subject matter at hand, seems a tad ham-fisted - especially considering the fact the terms you use are more traditionally attributed to tragic plays (e.g. the ancient tragedies you reference, and those of Shakespeare.)

    I'd say avoid using the phrase " achieves aragnorisis" as often as you do.

    Furthermore, the structure of the essay doesn't seem to flow particularly well and comes off flighty - starting at the end and working backwards is fine, but only if what you say in the next paragraphs supplements what is in the first. I would perhaps recommend a more chronological building the case of Gatsby's "fatal flaw", and do a side-by-side analysis of that and the extent to which he recognises or doesn't recognise this himself throughout, before the culminating paragraph on the discussion of his death - and "tragic realisation," or lack thereof.

    Finally, your argument needs to be more definitive. Take a stance and hold it vigorously throughout - while also acknowledging and deconstructing the opposition. Don't blether around halfhearted, noncommittal pieces of analysis - e.g "may" "could/ would suggest" - does it or doesn't it??

    (I'm a Scottish student sitting AH English this year, so I don't really know much about AQA and stuff or how they mark, but yeah these are just my thoughts ) - sorry if I come across harsh, it's a good essay as is and ought definitely to pass under any mark scheme, but this is just what I think can push it to make it better
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    (Original post by JM_1998)
    Firstly, your use of critical terminology, while evidence of clear engagement with the subject matter at hand, seems a tad ham-fisted - especially considering the fact the terms you use are more traditionally attributed to tragic plays (e.g. the ancient tragedies you reference, and those of Shakespeare.)

    I'd say avoid using the phrase " achieves aragnorisis" as often as you do.

    Furthermore, the structure of the essay doesn't seem to flow particularly well and comes off flighty - starting at the end and working backwards is fine, but only if what you say in the next paragraphs supplements what is in the first. I would perhaps recommend a more chronological building the case of Gatsby's "fatal flaw", and do a side-by-side analysis of that and the extent to which he recognises or doesn't recognise this himself throughout, before the culminating paragraph on the discussion of his death - and "tragic realisation," or lack thereof.

    Finally, your argument needs to be more definitive. Take a stance and hold it vigorously throughout - while also acknowledging and deconstructing the opposition. Don't blether around halfhearted, noncommittal pieces of analysis - e.g "may" "could/ would suggest" - does it or doesn't it??

    (I'm a Scottish student sitting AH English this year, so I don't really know much about AQA and stuff or how they mark, but yeah these are just my thoughts ) - sorry if I come across harsh, it's a good essay as is and ought definitely to pass under any mark scheme, but this is just what I think can push it to make it better
    Thank you

    Could you elaborate on which sort of terms I should be using? I've only known the Aristotelian terms like hamartia, hubris, anagnorisis, katharsis, peripetia, etc.

    And I'll ask my teacher about that 'taking a side and sticking to it' thing. I've always been instructed to not take any one side or come to any sort of 'conclusion' in Lit, instead evaluating every interpretation and suggesting alternatives, like where I did with how the pool both does and does not support Gatsby's anagnorisis. Making a point and sticking to it has always been more of a History thing. But I'll double-check if I should be making a statement and sticking to it though.

    Thanks
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    It's not really a terminology vs terminology type of thing, it was more just the sort of disparity between the straightforward writing style and the theoretical terms I found a bit jarring. Mainly because when one thinks tragedy, you think Medea, Antigone, Hamlet, King Lear etc etc - all dramatic texts, and not novels. I haven't personally studied tragedy and am the product of a different system so if that's what you've been taught then I'd stick to that haha.

    And the argumentation point is where history and English skills begin to bleed together in my opinion. I've been taught, and personally also greatly believe, in the taking a stance and coming to a conclusion school of thought. Since you can analyse something and sort of say okay this shows this and that, but there's another point that kind of doesn't show this or that - and it just puts forth the kind of impression of a lack of engagement in the text.
    When you write a literature essay you are arguing as you would do in history, except instead of deciding whether WW2 broke down social classes or whatever, and using statistics and historiography to back that up - you are arguing that your interpretation of the texts is the correct one, and your quotes are your statistics and your analysis is your historiography. (I think I have made that more convoluted that necessary but I hope you get what I mean lol)
    Furthermore, the last paragraph of your essay is called a conclusion, so you pretty much have to come to one regardless haha.
 
 
 
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