Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:


    op^^

    you're worth more than to be treated like that by him, if he isnt mature enough to act like an adult about it then he doesnt deserve sex with you
    Attachments Pending Approval
  1. File Type: png Screen Shot 2016-03-13 at 15.39.34.png (150.3 KB)
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    19
    Very Important Poster
    For someone youve been in a relationship with for six years, the refusal is astonishing. Its your body and if you get pregant then you will be the one left holding the baby. Do not put yourself at that risk until you are ready and prepared for it. I would honestly think you need to reappraise your relationship with this person and in a simple decision where he cna show some consideration and thoughfulness to you, he refuses.

    There is a danger in a lot of relationships that people get comfy and lazy. they stay in hem because its easy and suits them, thus it drags on. Think about whether you would be better with someone else who thinks more of you.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TheMcSame)
    Sex is a two way thing. What a lot of people are forgetting is that men, like women, need to consent out of their own free will. You're withholding sex in order to force him to wear a condom, you could very easily make the argument that it isn't consensual sex if he decides to wear a condom for you.
    You also say it's his turn, but then claim that condoms are too much money (so it's not financially viable by the sounds of it) and he went soft while you were putting it on, which would suggest that condoms are a mood killer for him.

    What I'm seeing is:
    He doesn't want to have sex with a condom and you're withholding sex because he won't use a condom, which is considered sexual abuse might I add. If he doesn't want to use a condom, then he doesn't want to, and given that it isn't a financially viable option for you, it makes no sense to be complaining about it in the first place.
    If it's too expensive to keep buying condoms, why does it matter if he won't wear one? You can't afford to keep buying condoms by the sound of it.

    That doesn't make him a ****, and it doesn't make him selfish. It means that, much like you, he's doing what he wants with his own body.

    Either accept that he won't wear a condom and use another method of birth control, or break up with him. Withholding sex because he won't wear a condom is not only abusive, but it's going end in tears when one of you goes behind the other's back in order to satisfy any sexual needs.
    wtf man...she isn't withholding sex to be abusive they're not having sex because she isn't on a form of birth control right now and probably doesn't want to get pregnant.

    Your argument could very easily be flipped around on him as well saying he is being abusive to her and withholding sex unless she goes on birth control ...as notice how in her post she never says she is "withholding sex" just that they haven't had sex. And I wonder why they're not having sex....oh yeah because of pregnancy and lack of birth control.

    edit: also she didn't complain condoms where expensive, he did. Which is irrelevant anyway because you can get them free from the doctors and health clinics if money is that much of a concern.

    I agree neither of them should have to do something they don't want with their bodies, but it makes no logical sense to paint her as the bad guy here.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    Your argument could very easily be flipped around on him as well saying he is being abusive to her and withholding sex unless she goes on birth control ...as notice how in her post she never says she is "withholding sex" just that they haven't had sex. And I wonder why they're not having sex....oh yeah because of pregnancy and lack of birth control.
    It really can't be flipped... She never mentions, nor implies that he won't have sex with her unless she's on some sort of birth control.

    And while she doesn't explicitly say she's withholding sex, I personally believe that it's being implied, given that she's complaining the he won't wear a condom and mentions that they haven't had sex for several months and then proceeds to imply that it is now his time to use some form of contraception.

    The fact is, he doesn't want to do something. She has to accept it or move on.

    Also, need I bring up the point about condoms not being financially viable for the OP, again (as implied in the OP), rendering this whole topic useless?
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    He sounds like a bit of an arse to be honest. Condoms are awful for good quality sex but not unreasonable for him to take a turn and make a sacrifice. Defeats me why with all the medical advances a male contraceptive has not been developed,
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Mayhem™)
    I think we've found your boyfriend
    I think OP's man should show much more consideration to her and her feelings but it's not at all rare for guys to dislike them.
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TheMcSame)
    Sex is a two way thing. What a lot of people are forgetting is that men, like women, need to consent out of their own free will. You're withholding sex in order to force him to wear a condom, you could very easily make the argument that it isn't consensual sex if he decides to wear a condom for you.
    You also say it's his turn, but then claim that condoms are too much money (so it's not financially viable by the sounds of it) and he went soft while you were putting it on, which would suggest that condoms are a mood killer for him.

    What I'm seeing is:
    He doesn't want to have sex with a condom and you're withholding sex because he won't use a condom, which is considered sexual abuse might I add. If he doesn't want to use a condom, then he doesn't want to, and given that it isn't a financially viable option for you, it makes no sense to be complaining about it in the first place.
    If it's too expensive to keep buying condoms, why does it matter if he won't wear one? You can't afford to keep buying condoms by the sound of it.

    That doesn't make him a ****, and it doesn't make him selfish. It means that, much like you, he's doing what he wants with his own body.

    Either accept that he won't wear a condom and use another method of birth control, or break up with him. Withholding sex because he won't wear a condom is not only abusive, but it's going end in tears when one of you goes behind the other's back in order to satisfy any sexual needs.
    Sexual abuse... really! ? That's a ridiculous thing to say.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by janeyiffey)
    I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 years. For these years I have had the contraceptive implant in. In November I had it taken out as I felt like I had it in for way too long and want my body to go back to normal for a while. I tried to talk to him about my decision of getting it taken out and told him he would probably need to wear a condom when we want to have sex. He told me there was no way he would wear a condom. I'm not sure why he doesn't want to, I have a feeling it's partly because he doesn't know how to put it on but I've told him to find out how or I will put it on (I've never put a condom on either)

    I tried to buy a box of condoms from our local Tesco but he shouted at me and told me there was no way he was buying them here. We had booked a week away and I decided to get some there as we wouldn't know anyone so he couldn't get embarrassed but he went in a mood with me in the shop and wouldn't talk to me properly for a good 1-2 hours and thought that £12 for 15 condoms was too much money. We tried the condom but he went soft as soon as I put it on him and he acted annoyed at me ever since. It's been over 3 months and we haven't had sex yet.

    So, my problem here is why won't he wear a condom? I've been on contraception for 6 years. Is it not his turn now? I feel like I have to get the implanon again when I really don't want to.
    Then don't f*** him...
    Online

    18
    ReputationRep:
    You know the answer, he went SOFT when you put it on so that'll be why. He can't keep a hardon
    • Community Assistant
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Community Assistant
    the reason he's going soft wearing condoms coz they might be small for him. Try the xlarge ones, they work.

    Unless he's less than 6" then dont bother. Just make him relaxed during sex, he's going soft coz he's nervous and overthinking about the pressure on him to satisfy you with a condom on ( which he hasnt done before)
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by keturah)
    Sexual abuse... really! ? That's a ridiculous thing to say.
    Call it ridiculous as much as you want...

    She isn't getting her way, thus withholding sex. That is, by definition, sexual abuse. She is forcing undesired sexual behaviour on him, that is sexual abuse, or at the very least, sexual assault.
    Offline

    6
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by janeyiffey)
    I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 years. For these years I have had the contraceptive implant in. In November I had it taken out as I felt like I had it in for way too long and want my body to go back to normal for a while. I tried to talk to him about my decision of getting it taken out and told him he would probably need to wear a condom when we want to have sex. He told me there was no way he would wear a condom. I'm not sure why he doesn't want to, I have a feeling it's partly because he doesn't know how to put it on but I've told him to find out how or I will put it on (I've never put a condom on either)

    I tried to buy a box of condoms from our local Tesco but he shouted at me and told me there was no way he was buying them here. We had booked a week away and I decided to get some there as we wouldn't know anyone so he couldn't get embarrassed but he went in a mood with me in the shop and wouldn't talk to me properly for a good 1-2 hours and thought that £12 for 15 condoms was too much money. We tried the condom but he went soft as soon as I put it on him and he acted annoyed at me ever since. It's been over 3 months and we haven't had sex yet.

    So, my problem here is why won't he wear a condom? I've been on contraception for 6 years. Is it not his turn now? I feel like I have to get the implanon again when I really don't want to.
    Lol, sounds like your boyfriend goes soft when he puts it on and is too embarrassed to tell you. Some people are allergic aswell. You've been together 6 YEARS, surely you guys could have an adult conversation about this? Unless you guys started dated when you were like 10....
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    He sounds like a douchebag
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TheMcSame)
    Call it ridiculous as much as you want...

    She isn't getting her way, thus withholding sex. That is, by definition, sexual abuse. She is forcing undesired sexual behaviour on him, that is sexual abuse, or at the very least, sexual assault.
    In reply to all your comments, I am not withholding sex at all. I have initiated sex multiple times but HE stops anything as there is no protection. We are not having sex because no contraception is being used. He won't wear a condom and I'm taking a break from the implant. After 6 years of myself on contraception, don't you think it's fair if he takes some control in the matter?
    I can afford to buy condoms, there is nowhere in my post that says I can't. In my post I say that HE finds them much too expensive so therefore, thinks it's a waste of money to buy them when I can get the implant for no cost. I am in no way asking for him to buy the condoms. I bought the condoms, and will again, with my own money.
    I'm in no way whining in my post that I'm not having sex. I posted my problem to gain other people's opinions as this is the first I've had to deal with something like this. I'm not pushing him or anything. I came here to find help in what way I could approach the matter.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Mjcal1)
    Lol, sounds like your boyfriend goes soft when he puts it on and is too embarrassed to tell you. Some people are allergic aswell. You've been together 6 YEARS, surely you guys could have an adult conversation about this? Unless you guys started dated when you were like 10....
    I would love to have an adult conversation about lots of things with him but that is me moving onto a different topic.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by whorace)
    I kind of feel him (not in the gay way), if you've been having sex for all that time and now he has to wear something that makes it less sensitive and less pleasurable he's going to need some time to adjust and he'll probably be less aroused for a while.
    He's not even attempting to adjust though, he's ranting at her in Tesco and not speaking to her.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Mayhem™)
    give him an ultimatum of condom or front door
    Having a front door on your **** may get in the way a bit.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TheMcSame)
    It really can't be flipped... She never mentions, nor implies that he won't have sex with her unless she's on some sort of birth control.

    And while she doesn't explicitly say she's withholding sex, I personally believe that it's being implied, given that she's complaining the he won't wear a condom and mentions that they haven't had sex for several months and then proceeds to imply that it is now his time to use some form of contraception.

    The fact is, he doesn't want to do something. She has to accept it or move on.

    Also, need I bring up the point about condoms not being financially viable for the OP, again (as implied in the OP), rendering this whole topic useless?
    You're drawing your own conclusions about the situation from thin air.

    Condoms can be easily obtained for free.

    I don't think either of them should have to do something they don't want with their own bodies. But I find it ridiculous that you're pinning her as the "bad guy".
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by janeyiffey)
    I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 years. For these years I have had the contraceptive implant in. In November I had it taken out as I felt like I had it in for way too long and want my body to go back to normal for a while. I tried to talk to him about my decision of getting it taken out and told him he would probably need to wear a condom when we want to have sex. He told me there was no way he would wear a condom. I'm not sure why he doesn't want to, I have a feeling it's partly because he doesn't know how to put it on but I've told him to find out how or I will put it on (I've never put a condom on either)

    I tried to buy a box of condoms from our local Tesco but he shouted at me and told me there was no way he was buying them here. We had booked a week away and I decided to get some there as we wouldn't know anyone so he couldn't get embarrassed but he went in a mood with me in the shop and wouldn't talk to me properly for a good 1-2 hours and thought that £12 for 15 condoms was too much money. We tried the condom but he went soft as soon as I put it on him and he acted annoyed at me ever since. It's been over 3 months and we haven't had sex yet.

    So, my problem here is why won't he wear a condom? I've been on contraception for 6 years. Is it not his turn now? I feel like I have to get the implanon again when I really don't want to.
    Wear a RapeX condom and make him regret not wearing a condom
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    You're drawing your own conclusions about the situation from thin air.

    Condoms can be easily obtained for free.

    I don't think either of them should have to do something they don't want with their own bodies. But I find it ridiculous that you're pinning her as the "bad guy".
    You can only draw conclusions from the information you're given, which was exactly what I was doing. Given that there's now new information, the table may well be flipped onto him being the bad guy. But based on the OP, she certainly seemed like the so called 'bad guy' out of the two.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 15, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Brussels sprouts
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.