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    What would you do in my case?

    The t breakup happened when we came back off skiing holiday. We were still on a high from the trip, when we were chilling one sunday night in front of the TV talking about his past relationships (whom I know have all gone terribly, he's been engaged twice, and does not have faith in human relationships whatsoever) anyway, we were talking about his ex's when we comes out with "oh I don't know what I want me..."
    I didn't pick up on it at first, but then i questioned it a day after, and this is when it all unravelled. We skyped on the monday evening and he just basically said, he's been feeling lately that he cannot give 100% into the relationship right now, and thats not fair on him and he doesn't want that for me as he cares too much about me to hurt me, he said he doesn't feel like he can handle a relationship, therefore, without actually saying it, he wanted to break up. We ended the convo on Skype that night, and i went to his the next day (tuesday) so we had a massive talk about it, he basically repeated himself, and was like I really care about you, he doesn't want to break up with me, but doesn't feel like he can give it his all. Straight away I went on the defence of course lol, but that night i came to the realisation that it was nothing to do with me at all, it was Dean, he had issues to deal with and i understood that, and appreciated his honesty to be honest.
    We said we could continue to be friends and stay in touch (of which I had said i didn't want to do because it never works, but said i would give it a try) so over the next week, we were texting every single day, seeing each other almost every day, and i slept at his house ( i didn't sleep with him though)

    So, the week after, i had decided enough was enough and he needed to be alone, and so did i, if he wanted the break up - he needed to deal with the consequences of the break up and not having any contact with me. So we had arranged to meet up last week for a meal out, and he texted me saying "you don't sound good" "this sounds like you're going to say you can see me to me" and all these kinds of texts, so he was basically worrying about it.

    Anyway, i told him it wasn't working being friends with him, so i told him i wanted no contact for a few weeks. He said he understood and although it was going to be hard for him, he would try to leave me alone.
    He has done so far, the no contact started Thursday last week, and he messaged me sunday afternoon to ask me abut a jumper he had found at his house, and was wanting to know what to do with it. He sort of gave me a cold shoulder feel text, but i asked him if he could hang onto it for when he comes back home from work.

    And so basically, i texted him wednesday night, but he didn't reply. And so here we are.
    He's said all along he didn't want to break up really, but felt like he would have just kept me stringing along if not and that would not have been fair. which I understand.
    and I want him back, i know it sounds wrong and stupid, but i want to give it a second chance to see where we could go.
    He's completely afraid of commitment as he's been engaged twice and had numerous serious relationships gone bad. So I'm just trying to figure out what to do.
    I was in contact with him yesterday, after only a week of not texting and he said his feelings haven't changed about me, he sees me more as a friend at this moment in time. So i decided that enough was enough, and said we'll leave it here, and i'll be in touch to collect my jacket.

    So basically, what would you do?

    I already have a new date in 2 weeks, but i feel like its not going to be the same, this new guy seems really nice, but I'm just not sure.. :/
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    i think you've just put yourself under too much pressure. It can take however long it takes to get over a breakup, forcing another relationship upon yourself could make it worse
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    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    i think you've just put yourself under too much pressure. It can take however long it takes to get over a breakup, forcing another relationship upon yourself could make it worse
    So what are you saying?

    How do I get this guy back?

    I want my ex back. Do you think he'll come back in a few months?
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    (Original post by RLSouthorn12345)
    So what are you saying?

    How do I get this guy back?

    I want my ex back. Do you think he'll come back in a few months?
    No way. If it's clear from what you've wrote that your relationship has run its course, let it go (and respectfully if possible). Your life has only just begun, it can continue without an "other half" for a while yet
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    If you want your ex back why are you going on a date with a different guy soon? It doesn't sound like getting back with your ex is the right step, if I'm honest. He clearly cannot or does not want to commit and it sounds like that's what you ultimately want? (commitment) You shouldn't compromise or change what you want just to get him back. I'd keep to the no contact rule for a few weeks and see how you feel then. Nobody here can tell you if he will come back or not, he probably doesn't even know himself yet.
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    (Original post by Katarvi)
    If you want your ex back why are you going on a date with a different guy soon? It doesn't sound like getting back with your ex is the right step, if I'm honest. He clearly cannot or does not want to commit and it sounds like that's what you ultimately want? (commitment) You shouldn't compromise or change what you want just to get him back. I'd keep to the no contact rule for a few weeks and see how you feel then. Nobody here can tell you if he will come back or not, he probably doesn't even know himself yet.
    I think I'm going to change my mind about the date, or at least go for a drink with this guy, and then tell him in person or something.

    Im not going to comprise what I want at all, and never will. he knows what I want, and he also doesn't know what he wants just yet.

    Im just trying to figure out whether to stay in touch with my ex (on a friend basis) is a good idea in order to get him back - months down the line?
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    (Original post by RLSouthorn12345)
    I think I'm going to change my mind about the date, or at least go for a drink with this guy, and then tell him in person or something.

    Im not going to comprise what I want at all, and never will. he knows what I want, and he also doesn't know what he wants just yet.

    Im just trying to figure out whether to stay in touch with my ex (on a friend basis) is a good idea in order to get him back - months down the line?
    I think you're approaching it all wrong. It shouldn't be a case of "what's the best thing to do to get him back later" but instead "I'll give him the space he needs to figure out what he wants, whether it's me or not". He has a lot of thinking and reflecting to do to figure out his own life right now and you keeping contact for the sole purpose of being with him again in a few months is counterproductive.

    What if he realises what he wants isn't you/the same as what you want? What then? Are you going to just hang around waiting for him? He's told you he wants a break, so a break is what you should have, not merely putting a placeholder on him for later.
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    (Original post by RLSouthorn12345)
    So what are you saying?

    How do I get this guy back?

    I want my ex back. Do you think he'll come back in a few months?
    It sounds like your ex is not ready for a relationship if he says he sees you as a friend. It's up to him to come back to you.
    You should give this new guy a chance to make you happy and try to move on.
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    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    i think you've just put yourself under too much pressure. It can take however long it takes to get over a breakup, forcing another relationship upon yourself could make it worse
    Thanks for the reply Shaun,

    So do you think I should give it some time, as I will be seeing him this weekend either way, i want to tell him more stuff I feel, but leave him knowing he knows I'm not going to run away?
 
 
 
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