Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I'm not coping well.
    We broke up at the beginning of January due to constant arguments, mostly from her part as I hate conflict. I broke up with her, instantly regretted it and then tried to fix things and she didn't want to. She wanted to be friends, I couldn't be so we haven't spoken in over a month now.

    I miss the old her, not the person she became. I'm just having trouble getting over her. I really want her to contact me, I feel like the past month has just been waiting out for her to speak to me, is that bad?

    I was a decent boyfriend, but recently found out she's been sleeping with the guy she used to sleep with before we met, makes me feel like I just wasted my time for them to potentially end up together anyway, which sucks.

    Any advice would be amazing.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm not coping well.
    We broke up at the beginning of January due to constant arguments, mostly from her part as I hate conflict. I broke up with her, instantly regretted it and then tried to fix things and she didn't want to. She wanted to be friends, I couldn't be so we haven't spoken in over a month now.

    I miss the old her, not the person she became. I'm just having trouble getting over her. I really want her to contact me, I feel like the past month has just been waiting out for her to speak to me, is that bad?

    I was a decent boyfriend, but recently found out she's been sleeping with the guy she used to sleep with before we met, makes me feel like I just wasted my time for them to potentially end up together anyway, which sucks.

    Any advice would be amazing.
    It sounds like you should just keep on keeping on - if she contacts you, see where that goes, but otherwise assume that she will not. I know it's hard but find a distraction - a hobby, a good friend to hang out with, or the best thing - another person to fancy and see where that goes. Think about all the bad things about her and your bad experiences with her - do you just miss her because you can't have her? If she took you back, would you honestly be happy? Probably not! Also, is there a particular reason why you want her to contact you?
    • #2
    #2

    Spoiler:
    Show
    DUDEEE I broke up with mine a in december. I gave her my everything but it wasn't enough so we just broke up. The best thing for you to do is to think that theres someone out there who's more deserving of you than her. trust me. It's been 3 months since i broke up with her and everyday i feel better. At first, i used to think about her all the time and I used to wake up every morning feeling cold and alone but that's just how life is. I still miss her but the thing is there's someone out there who's gunna make you alot more happy than she did.
    It's how the world is.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by opaline)
    It sounds like you should just keep on keeping on - if she contacts you, see where that goes, but otherwise assume that she will not. I know it's hard but find a distraction - a hobby, a good friend to hang out with, or the best thing - another person to fancy and see where that goes. Think about all the bad things about her and your bad experiences with her - do you just miss her because you can't have her? If she took you back, would you honestly be happy? Probably not! Also, is there a particular reason why you want her to contact you?
    I kind of laid down the law with her, she wanted to be friends or friends from afar, a couple of weeks after the break up she rang me in tears about how much she missed me and loves me etc. I simply told her how I couldn't be friends with her, but suggested we gave each other a month of no contact or so to cool down. She agreed, then texted me on the first day, argued about how I was apparently kicking her out of my life when I wasn't, deleted me off stuff, blocked me on instagram and deleted all our pictures and stuff. I tried to reason with her, she kept being sarcastic so I just started ignoring her. Haven't heard from her since, 5 weeks later.

    I guess a phone call saying she wanted to talk to me would be nice, i'm not sure whether that's because I want her back or because I just want to feel wanted?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I kind of laid down the law with her, she wanted to be friends or friends from afar, a couple of weeks after the break up she rang me in tears about how much she missed me and loves me etc. I simply told her how I couldn't be friends with her, but suggested we gave each other a month of no contact or so to cool down. She agreed, then texted me on the first day, argued about how I was apparently kicking her out of my life when I wasn't, deleted me off stuff, blocked me on instagram and deleted all our pictures and stuff. I tried to reason with her, she kept being sarcastic so I just started ignoring her. Haven't heard from her since, 5 weeks later.

    I guess a phone call saying she wanted to talk to me would be nice, i'm not sure whether that's because I want her back or because I just want to feel wanted?
    Ah that does sound difficult, a clean break would've been a lot easier. It sounds like she is also having problems letting you go. As for the last thing, probably because you want to feel wanted - if you really did want to be with her again, you probably would have taken her back. And if she really loved you, she wouldn't have cheated on you - always remember that.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Forget her and move on with your life, she's in your past now. You got more important things to do in your life, and you need to realise that she will not be your future wife. You will find much better person than her.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by opaline)
    Ah that does sound difficult, a clean break would've been a lot easier. It sounds like she is also having problems letting you go. As for the last thing, probably because you want to feel wanted - if you really did want to be with her again, you probably would have taken her back. And if she really loved you, she wouldn't have cheated on you - always remember that.
    No cheating involved, the guy she's sleeping with now has only been back a week or two I believe. I sometimes check her social media, she does post up a lot stuff along the lines of missing me, still loving me but then sometimes quite bitter stuff about the relationship too.

    I agree though a clean break probably would have helped me emotionally.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    This happens to all of us bruh. she slept with someone else and as hard as it sound you need to move. You cant keep moaning about how you miss her all the time, take that time to go out and do something or meet someone else WHEN you feel ready to move on. Its not the end of the world.
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm not coping well.
    We broke up at the beginning of January due to constant arguments, mostly from her part as I hate conflict. I broke up with her, instantly regretted it and then tried to fix things and she didn't want to. She wanted to be friends, I couldn't be so we haven't spoken in over a month now.

    I miss the old her, not the person she became. I'm just having trouble getting over her. I really want her to contact me, I feel like the past month has just been waiting out for her to speak to me, is that bad?

    I was a decent boyfriend, but recently found out she's been sleeping with the guy she used to sleep with before we met, makes me feel like I just wasted my time for them to potentially end up together anyway, which sucks.

    Any advice would be amazing.
    This is from a female perspective but whilst you were together she may have felt you just weren't right for you. If she was cheating on you its not ok. You say you broke up over constant arguing but sometimes you just need to step back and let her tell you how she feels. You should have listened I guess? I'm not saying it's entirely your fault either as what she did wasnt right.

    If you want to get over her try and think of how much BETTER life is without her. Think of her as like a heavy weight on your shoulders and now that she's gone you can finally breath again!

    I hope that helped
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I kind of laid down the law with her, she wanted to be friends or friends from afar, a couple of weeks after the break up she rang me in tears about how much she missed me and loves me etc. I simply told her how I couldn't be friends with her, but suggested we gave each other a month of no contact or so to cool down. She agreed, then texted me on the first day, argued about how I was apparently kicking her out of my life when I wasn't, deleted me off stuff, blocked me on instagram and deleted all our pictures and stuff. I tried to reason with her, she kept being sarcastic so I just started ignoring her. Haven't heard from her since, 5 weeks later.

    I guess a phone call saying she wanted to talk to me would be nice, i'm not sure whether that's because I want her back or because I just want to feel wanted?
    Why do you want to be with a self-involved brat?

    She could care less you split, she just wanted to make it so she was the good guy and you were the jerk ignoring her, etc.

    You're young and you can do better sooooo, time to move on.

    No point chasing after someone who can't be reasonable when it matters and compromise with you a little now and then.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Studentus-anonymous)
    Why do you want to be with a self-involved brat?

    She could care less you split, she just wanted to make it so she was the good guy and you were the jerk ignoring her, etc.

    You're young and you can do better sooooo, time to move on.

    No point chasing after someone who can't be reasonable when it matters and compromise with you a little now and then.
    Would you say that I was fair about it? Hilarious thing is she doesn't seem to feel like she's done anything wrong!
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I kind of laid down the law with her, she wanted to be friends or friends from afar, a couple of weeks after the break up she rang me in tears about how much she missed me and loves me etc. I simply told her how I couldn't be friends with her, but suggested we gave each other a month of no contact or so to cool down. She agreed, then texted me on the first day, argued about how I was apparently kicking her out of my life when I wasn't, deleted me off stuff, blocked me on instagram and deleted all our pictures and stuff. I tried to reason with her, she kept being sarcastic so I just started ignoring her. Haven't heard from her since, 5 weeks later.

    I guess a phone call saying she wanted to talk to me would be nice, i'm not sure whether that's because I want her back or because I just want to feel wanted?
    You are the one who decided to break up with her and she told you she wants to stay friends. Is she dating her ex? if she is you need to move on with your life as it seems she already has.
    There is no harm contacting her yourself to get closure, you should hang out with your friends or develop feelings for someone else you will quickly get over her.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by chikane)
    You are the one who decided to break up with her and she told you she wants to stay friends. Is she dating her ex? if she is you need to move on with your life as it seems she already has.
    There is no harm contacting her yourself to get closure, you should hang out with your friends or develop feelings for someone else you will quickly get over her.
    He's not an ex, they just used to be friends with benefits, but he constantly strung her along. But that's her problem not mine I guess. I would contact her but i'm too stubborn to really, especially when she spoke to me like absolute crap the last time we spoke when all i was trying to do was sort things out?
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He's not an ex, they just used to be friends with benefits, but he constantly strung her along. But that's her problem not mine I guess. I would contact her but i'm too stubborn to really, especially when she spoke to me like absolute crap the last time we spoke when all i was trying to do was sort things out?
    She probably is stubborn too so if you want to sort this out then one of you has to take the first step.
    Also that was 5 weeks ago you last spoke to her? I'm sure she lashed out at you cause she was still angry probably?
    I'm sure both of you have calmed down since.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by chikane)
    She probably is stubborn too so if you want to sort this out then one of you has to take the first step.
    Also that was 5 weeks ago you last spoke to her? I'm sure she lashed out at you cause she was still angry probably?
    I'm sure both of you have calmed down since.
    This is what I keep thinking, but the issue is the last time I put myself out there to her all I got was her taking advantage of it, which makes me reluctant to contact her. Unless I was to contact her, what would I say?
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is what I keep thinking, but the issue is the last time I put myself out there to her all I got was her taking advantage of it, which makes me reluctant to contact her. Unless I was to contact her, what would I say?
    Well if she is like that then you may as well forget her and move on will she change her behaviour?

    You would ask how she is and go from there if she ignores you move on.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by chikane)
    Well if she is like that then you may as well forget her and move on will she change her behaviour?

    You would ask how she is and go from there if she ignores you move on.
    I really don't even recognise her anymore, she became someone completely different to the person I fell in love with in such a short space of time, whether that's down to her anxiety and depression I don't know.

    I don't think i'll text her, I'll respect her space, I did always say that I would still want to sort it out to her regardless of the way she treated me, hopefully she realises that one day, but I won't accept any less than a relationship. If she wanted me she would get in touch I guess?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I think with something like this, you've just got to let it go and move on with your life. It's not great holding on to something that's making you feel down all of the time and the fact that she's changed shows something; the person that you were in a relationship with isn't there anymore so you've got to let her go as difficult as it is. You've got to do what is best for yourself.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Would you say that I was fair about it? Hilarious thing is she doesn't seem to feel like she's done anything wrong!
    I dunno, I wasn't there and I'm just getting your side of the story.

    But if what you're saying is accurate then what can you do if what caused you to break up is a lack of consideration on her part, and low and behold she continues to put all the effort to maintain your relationship (whatever form it takes) on you?

    If you really want closure and she isn't going to talk to you, just send her a text, let her know you're sorry things didn't work out and that you would have liked to have had that last conversation but you wish her all the best. Sort of like a last letter to a deceased friend. They're gone and never coming back.

    Then you go back to plan A everyone has given you: Move on.

    Forget her really, it's more important you find your way to the understanding it is well and truly over and there is nothing more to do. You tried your best, and when that wasn't enough you did the only thing you had left to do, break up.
    Even then you tried to smooth things over (commendable) and again she did as expected, she didn't make any effort.

    Best of luck OP, plenty more women out there, and plenty of them actually put a little bit of effort into their relationships.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really don't even recognise her anymore, she became someone completely different to the person I fell in love with in such a short space of time, whether that's down to her anxiety and depression I don't know.

    I don't think i'll text her, I'll respect her space, I did always say that I would still want to sort it out to her regardless of the way she treated me, hopefully she realises that one day, but I won't accept any less than a relationship. If she wanted me she would get in touch I guess?
    (Original post by Studentus-anonymous)
    I dunno, I wasn't there and I'm just getting your side of the story.

    But if what you're saying is accurate then what can you do if what caused you to break up is a lack of consideration on her part, and low and behold she continues to put all the effort to maintain your relationship (whatever form it takes) on you?

    If you really want closure and she isn't going to talk to you, just send her a text, let her know you're sorry things didn't work out and that you would have liked to have had that last conversation but you wish her all the best. Sort of like a last letter to a deceased friend. They're gone and never coming back.

    Then you go back to plan A everyone has given you: Move on.

    Forget her really, it's more important you find your way to the understanding it is well and truly over and there is nothing more to do. You tried your best, and when that wasn't enough you did the only thing you had left to do, break up.
    Even then you tried to smooth things over (commendable) and again she did as expected, she didn't make any effort.

    Best of luck OP, plenty more women out there, and plenty of them actually put a little bit of effort into their relationships.
    OP think you should take Studentus-anonymous advice i would.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 14, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Have you ever participated in a Secret Santa?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.