Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

I get very obsessed over people who I become close to and want to know if this is nor Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    This is an embarrassing problem for me and I do not know anywhere else that I can seek guidance from so please help me.So first off let me just say that I am almost 18 years old and attend a college. From around the age of 13/14 I noticed that I would obsess over someone and their life. What I mean when I say this is that once I become good friends with someone or get involved romantically with someone I would start to remember very small and unimportant details about someone and would try and find out more about their life. When I got close to someone I would start to "research" them, looking into things like their Facebook accounts and other platforms of social media to try and learn as much as I can about them, this would include their posts, pictures, groups they are in, friends, etc. I would then try to involve myself in their life more and try to be with them as much as I can, when I do things like message them or try and contact them I would send many messages when they didn't reply and get very bothered when they didn't contact me back.

    This is the part that is bothering me, this "feature" of mine makes it very hard to form close friendships and relationships with people. I noticed what I was doing as my friends or people I am in a relationship with would inform me that I was too 'obsessive' or too 'clingy'. These are words that I have heard many times by many people and because of these actions that I did it ended up ruining many of these friendships. I have since been very wary of becoming close to people out of the fear that I will do the same thing again, but even now I am facing these problems because I cannot seem to notice when it is that I develop these urges over someone. I have tried forcing myself not to do these things or do another activity to try and distract me but then I end up not being able to focus because of it. Due to this I find it very hard to focus when I go through these phases and I also deal with emotional stress and anxiety, this isn't only a problem when I realise what I am doing either as I often find myself worrying over things that I do not think I should be worrying over like if I am bothering someone or if they do not wish to speak to me because of what I am doing.
    So my questions are:
    - Is what I go through classed as normal?
    - If not then what shall I do as my next course of action?
    Thank you for taking the time to read this, all help is appreciated.
    • TSR Support Team
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    Very Important Poster
    I have the same problem.

    Have you considered relationship counselling to try and deal with this? It's probably more common than you think.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Tiger Rag)
    I have the same problem.

    Have you considered relationship counselling to try and deal with this? It's probably more common than you think.
    Well I have seen a doctor about it before but nothing happened from it, they said what I had was normal for someone my age and that I should just try and restrain myself a little more.

    But I do not know if this was because I might have missed over some details or not explained it well enough, all I do know is that the advice they given either wasn't enough or didn't help much.
    • TSR Support Team
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    Very Important Poster
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well I have seen a doctor about it before but nothing happened from it, they said what I had was normal for someone my age and that I should just try and restrain myself a little more.

    But I do not know if this was because I might have missed over some details or not explained it well enough, all I do know is that the advice they given either wasn't enough or didn't help much.
    Urgh. I don't think the doctor understands. It's not that simple. As I've got older, personally, I've found it is easier to restrain myself. But that's me. Your situation isn't going to be the same as mine.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Tiger Rag)
    Urgh. I don't think the doctor understands. It's not that simple. As I've got older, personally, I've found it is easier to restrain myself. But that's me. Your situation isn't going to be the same as mine.
    I just don't understand how I can stop myself from doing these things, it worsens my mind frame as well because the things I look at usually end up making me more sad. For example I have this friend I am close to at the moment who is not talking to me (and hasn't for around a week or so) because she said that she was busy, but after looking up some stuff I found that she is messaging many other people but not me.

    This then makes me sad because I feel like I am being too clingy, but I also know that this "research" I am doing is something I should not be doing. This once again makes me paranoid as I know I am doing something I shouldn't be but I cannot prevent myself from doing it. If I do not know about what these people are doing then it makes me sad and paranoid but if I do the research and find out more about them it will make me paranoid because I found out something I didn't want to know and/or because I am doing something that I should not be doing.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 14, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Would you like to hibernate through the winter months?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.