Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Was it rape? Long question but has been playing on my mind since watch

    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by chikane)
    She tried pushing him away and told him she wanted to go home but he wasn't listening to her at all and carried on.
    Also if she woke up to find him having sex with her how could she consent to this.
    Its like if a woman goes down on a guy while he has passed out that is assault as he has not consented to it.
    when you say it like that, he's definitely in the wrong, I see your point

    But do you know how it started? whether he consented?
    • Community Assistant
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Community Assistant
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I stopped and told him I wanted to go home during sex at least 4 times
    You were probably too drunk to have capacity to consent, but sober or not saying you wanted to stop and him continuing = rape.

    Dear idiots saying otherwise: where is the reasonable belief on his part that there was consent?
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    when you say it like that, he's definitely in the wrong, I see your point

    But do you know how it started? whether he consented?
    Only the op knows so yes she will need to figure out what happened before she arrived at his.
    If she passed out and woke up to him having sex with her then that is rape but none of us know the full details.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Good bloke)
    I took a step back and placed myself into the jury, with the OP as the evidence. The push and the "go home" do not need to be simultaneous to convey the meaning in the context of someone who is too drunk to assert herself effectively, which the male owes a duty to be careful of. If he is himself too drunk to notice she doesn't want sex it makes no difference, obviously.

    Are lots of young men incapable of forming relationships and having sex without getting drunk? Too much alcohol and sex are very poor bedfellows in most respects.
    Sex is a physical activity and a degree of physical contact is unavoidable: wriggling, moving, pushing and flailing from both sides are all par for the course. Without a verbal expression of explicit discontent these motions on their own are not sufficient to demonstrate unwillingness. The context of a dark and alchohol fuelled environment makes this point even more relevant.

    There is no legal basis for a duty of care in this situation. There is only the prevailing 'duty' not to commit a crime that exists anywhere under a rule of law.

    She was not so drunk that she couldn't speak and could have asserted herself if she chose to. It's entirely possible the alleged perpetrator has no idea the OP feels any regret for this situation. If she was so drunk that she couldn't physically express discontent it would clearly be rape but from the information given I don't believe that to be the case.

    Your last paragraph is not relevant and suggests that your argument might reflect your personal opinion on this kind of lifestyle. We should be talking from a legal perspective here. Was a criminal act committed beyond all reasonable doubt?
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by CWE)
    Without a verbal expression of explicit discontent these motions on their own are not sufficient to demonstrate unwillingness.

    ...

    There is no legal basis for a duty of care in this situation. There is only the prevailing 'duty' not to commit a crime that exists anywhere under a rule of law.

    .
    So it would be impossible to rape a dumb woman? I don't think so.

    There are two duties: (a) not to commit a crime, rape in this case and (b) a duty to care for, minimise harm to and look after someone in need of help. If the man left the woman puking from alcohol and unattended to potentially choke on her vomit he would not be fulfilling this duty, and neither would he if he does not treat her, given her drunk condition, more carefully than he would a sober woman when seeking to have sex with her.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    To everyone who keeps saying he might be able to say she raped him as he was also drunk - legally you can't rape someone unless you have a penis
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by iheartdjokovic)
    To everyone who keeps saying he might be able to say she raped him as he was also drunk - legally you can't rape someone unless you have a penis
    Now you've done it! Some idiot will come in now to declaim about the unfairness of British laws, and how sexist they are.
    • Community Assistant
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Community Assistant
    (Original post by CWE)
    Sex is a physical activity and a degree of physical contact is unavoidable: wriggling, moving, pushing and flailing from both sides are all par for the course. Without a verbal expression of explicit discontent these motions on their own are not sufficient to demonstrate unwillingness.
    In order for sex not to be rape, there needs to either be consent (and there clearly isn't here) or be a reasonable belief in consent.

    Faced with a woman who - by his own admission - was too drunk to go anywhere, has not removed the tampon she's wearing, who is saying words to the effect of 'stop, I want to go home', and having to be held down so that he could continue having sex with her... where is that reasonable belief?

    (Original post by iheartdjokovic)
    To everyone who keeps saying he might be able to say she raped him as he was also drunk - legally you can't rape someone unless you have a penis
    To be pedantic, the doctrine of joint enterprise means it's quite possible for a woman to be convicted of rape and at least one has been: she held the victim down while some man stuck his penis in her without consent.

    There is the crime of 'assault by penetration', where A intentionally penetrates the vagina or anus of B with a part of their body or anything else. The maximum sentence is the same - life - but obviously a woman can be directly guilty of it.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by unprinted)
    In order for sex not to be rape, there needs to either be consent (and there clearly isn't here) or be a reasonable belief in consent.

    Faced with a woman who - by his own admission - was too drunk to go anywhere, has not removed the tampon she's wearing, who is saying words to the effect of 'stop, I want to go home', and having to be held down so that he could continue having sex with her... where is that reasonable belief?



    To be pedantic, the doctrine of joint enterprise means it's quite possible for a woman to be convicted of rape and at least one has been: she held the victim down while some man stuck his penis in her without consent.

    There is the crime of 'assault by penetration', where A intentionally penetrates the vagina or anus of B with a part of their body or anything else. The maximum sentence is the same - life - but obviously a woman can be directly guilty of it.
    I'm suggesting a reasonable belief in consent here, which is the only assurance of consent in the vast majority of sexual interactions. Based on the context of prior proceedings it is entirely possible for the alleged perpetrator to believe sex was something she desired. Engagement in the act prior to the point in question means that the onus would be on the OP to make it clear the consent previously suggested is now withdrawn. Aware that the issue must be hard to talk about but I've assumed that all evidence of foul play was included in the OP - if not it changes the circumstances. It would be useful if we could get more background information on this: was she forcibly undressed? did she kiss the individual or engage in foreplay prior to the moment when she questioned her consent?

    As for your other points, it is certainly not unheard of for drunk sex to happen with a tampon in. As far as I'm aware 'stop' was never explicitly stated? 'I want to go home' is not the same as stating 'I don't want to have sex' just as 'I want to eat food' would not explicitly indicate withdrawn consent. The whole situation does make me uneasy but legally speaking I don't think there is a leg to stand on.

    You're aware that for this to be a crime the accused must have beyond all reasonable doubt not had a reasonable belief in consent which I do not think can be proven to be the case based on the evidence provided thus far.

    For the OPs benefit I think you can agree that in a complicated situation such as this advice on here is no substitute for a legal experts advice.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Guys I dont understand one thing. This is definitely rape but how will she report it if she doesnt have proof? Like what happens?


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by iheartdjokovic)
    To everyone who keeps saying he might be able to say she raped him as he was also drunk - legally you can't rape someone unless you have a penis
    That's true. Although I the the law should be changed as sexual assault doesn't hold the same stigma as rape. A man can say he was sexually assaulted if it was done by a woman and she'll be trailed as if it were the same offence as rape.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    Very hard to say from what you've said. As you've explained everything 'dodgy' could be innocent and he might not have known how drunk you were (e.g. telling him you wanted to go home, if you said that and he stopped and said 'oh but it's dark' and you replied 'oh yeah lets carry on' or something to that effect it's not the same as if he essentially ignored you saying stop... 'flapping your arms about' could easily have not been clear, especially if you were hammered'). If you feel upset by this then I'd say you have a right to be as feeling like something like that has happened and you had no control is not a nice feeling and you should talk to someone and try and come to terms with it. Whether or not it would be seen as rape legally is a different matter and not too important if you're not looking to go to the police.
    • #3
    #3

    Technically, if you didnt say yes to him at any point, then yep, its rape, even if you did give in eventually. At least, that is what ive always thought...
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by *Stefan*)
    Rape requires that he intended to rape her and appreciated that such was the case. Doesn't really sound like it here.

    She definitely did not sexually assault him, if everything she says is as it is (btw, women cannot rape unless they're convicted as accomplishes to rape).

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    That is utter rubbish. There are plenty of cases of women raping men.
    Online

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by milliemogs)
    That is utter rubbish. There are plenty of cases of women raping men.
    Don't be silly - that's the law. Women can only sexually assault victims (which does carry the same penalties).
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sleepysnooze)
    the fact that you're even asking this question means "no". if it was rape, you'd ****in' know.
    On a ****ing student forum:clap2:
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by *Stefan*)
    Don't be silly - that's the law. Women can only sexually assault victims (which does carry the same penalties).
    In UK Law maybe, but in science and other countries laws it is absolutely possible. If a female forces a man to have sex with her, it's rape. Having an erection is not consent, it happens a lot more than you'd think.
    Online

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by milliemogs)
    In UK Law maybe, but in science and other countries laws it is absolutely possible. If a female forces a man to have sex with her, it's rape. Having an erection is not consent, it happens a lot more than you'd think.
    Sure (not that I agree) but that is irrelevant... we're talking about UK law here.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Definitely rape, report him to the police. You did not consent, therefore it is rape! Read this if you are still unsure. http://au.reachout.com/what-is-sexual-consent
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What?? This is fragments of what she remembers, I don't know how much sex you have but different thing does it for different people. Sounds like I'm stretching to justify his actions but there's just nowhere near enough known to say what went on.

    As someone who has been falsely accused of serial assault, it can **** your life up, you become depressed and in my case I couldn't leave the house by myself for a long time in fear I might be accused of something again.

    Well the final bit is irrational. I think you're lying sweetheart.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 17, 2016
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.