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Was it rape? Long question but has been playing on my mind since watch

    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by joecphillips)
    Was this meant to be aimed at me?
    I was commenting as if the information is correct, which it may be I do not know.
    sorry no, hahah it was aimed for the comment above yours, I can't delete. Terribly sorry, was too angry.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    sorry no, hahah it was aimed for the comment above yours, I can't delete. Terribly sorry, was too angry.
    No problem I was just slightly confused.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by joecphillips)
    That situation is different to what was described.
    The incomplete, fragmented situation. Please note, I am neither condemning OP or approving of anything that has taken place.

    No one can be sure from what she has said of what really took place.
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    (Original post by joecphillips)
    You can deny content before and withdraw consent during the act, so actually there is no difference, there is a difference between rape and regretting it later
    No, regretting something halfway through doesn't mean it's a crime. It means you changed your mind.

    (Original post by joecphillips)
    In this situation the act that is regretted is giving the £5, the person giving the money can decide not to or while in the process of handing it over change their mind, this scenario would be after it has occurred
    It's a perfect analogy, you can't fault it. Giving something, and changing your mind later, doesn't mean them taking it at the beginning was a crime.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The incomplete, fragmented situation. Please note, I am neither condemning OP or approving of anything that has taken place.

    No one can be sure from what she has said of what really took place.
    I completely agree but I am not a court and I am not actually saying someone is guilty so I am going on the basis that it is correct.

    However I believe that the regret over a £5 note is different and I read the whole quote but looking back what you had in bold I agree with, just the top doesn't apply here.
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    People always assume the victim is telling the 100% truth, which is rarely the case, so we can only go on fact. Which there seems to be none of.

    Such a tough area of law to deal with, as it's tough to get proof. But we can't just punish people based on someone's word (Yet Sony were stupid enough to do so)
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    (Original post by ComputerMaths97)
    No, regretting something halfway through doesn't mean it's a crime. It means you changed your mind.



    It's a perfect analogy, you can't fault it. Giving something, and changing your mind later, doesn't mean them taking it at the beginning was a crime.
    In the scenario it was said during you could have £5 in your hand and decide to take it back after the fact
    In this scenario consent has been taken away which means that he has to stop of course that is just a simplified version but to continue is illegal.
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    (Original post by ComputerMaths97)
    People always assume the victim is telling the 100% truth, which is rarely the case, so we can only go on fact. Which there seems to be none of.

    Such a tough area of law to deal with, as it's tough to get proof. But we can't just punish people based on someone's word (Yet Sony were stupid enough to do so)
    I just did that in this scenario as it is do I or do I not report it if they are telling the truth which I believe to the extent that I believe they should report it, however I do not believe to the extent to saying he should be jailed or even he should suffer, to me there is a big difference between that and believing them 100% (just look at my opinion on the kesha case)
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    Consent is a continuing process and can be withdrawn at any time. (The reason for this will be obvious to anyone who's ever been the 'receiving' partner.) Continuing after it has been is just as much rape as starting without it.
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    (Original post by ComputerMaths97)
    So if someone pays you £5, then as you're halfway through spending it, they want it back as they regret their choice, you're a theif if you don't pay them £5?

    No, you can't punish someone for being on the other end of a regret, so that's a useless excuse. Next one?
    Theft in no way equates to rape. If I consented to having sex then five minutes in I wanted to stop and expressed that to my partner, sex should stop. If it doesn't, that's rape.

    I wouldn't owe my partner anything at all. It is my body and I decide what to do with it.

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    • #5
    #5

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have tried to compress the details (putting all I can remember from the night) in your opinion, is my story rape?- I was drunk and at the bar and saw a uni friend of mine so started talking about him going home with my friend, the next I remember from this was being at his house in his room actually having Sex (I can't even remember getting inside the house/ taxi this is the extend of drunk that I was)- I stopped and told him I wanted to go home during sex at least 4 times and he'd stop me telling me it was a silly idea, it was dark, I wouldn't know my way home, I was being stupid etc but at the time drunk me thought he was probably right and he was only looking out for me so after each time stopping we would continue having sex- i remember me trying to push him off me and was kind of flapping my arms about to stop having sex with him but he had my wrists and held them down telling me to 'shhh' although it seemed more like he was calming me down - he also held my head to the pillow when we were doing doggy style (sorry for the graphic info) I tried resisting but couldn't so waited until we could change position but only once- I was on my period and had my tampon in when it happened and period sex is not in my sober thoughts AT ALL!!! I know regardless of how drunk I was I would of told him this and most likely the fact I didn't want sex (and if I did it would of took place at my flat, which it did not!)- The main issue is when we were having sex, proper sex I kind of went along with it and from what I remember it went on for 30mins plus and I stayed the night?? So I am more annoyed/ disgusted at myself for being to drunk to do anything or even leave and go home and giving him mixed messages the whole time! I know I should speak to a professional, but I'm unsure whether I'm just being over dramatic and would be wasting their time or not.
    I had a very similar experience to you this time last year. In fact reading your story brought back triggering feelings of my experience and it was just too similar. What I will say is that, yes, it is Rape. You did not and could not consent, the person who had sex with you was probably in a far more sober way than you were - sounds as if he knew exactly what he was doing. He took advantage. It wasn't your fault. You didn't send mixed signals. He knew what he wanted, he knew how to get it, and he got it. It's NOT your fault.

    When it happened to me, I felt disgusted, horrible, just the worst I've ever felt. I felt as though I didn't know myself, couldn't trust myself, I felt dirty, odd, scared, sick. I've never had a one night stand before that and I didn't know what had happened. I felt like I'd been broken, honestly. You know when it's rape and not just casual sex, you can feel it in the pit of your stomach.

    I'm so sorry for how you're feeling now, it does feel bloody awful but it will feel better over time and you'll be OK. You should speak to someone, it's important. Maybe not the police depending on whether you want to press charges, but a counsellor or someone who can really help. You're not wasting anybody's time, this is exactly the kind of problem you're supposed to talk about. Don't keep it in, it'll just eat you up inside.

    For the record, I'm totally fine now. I might sound very down in this post but that's because I hate reliving the experience. You'll be fine too.
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    *Quote removed*

    This sounds extremely worrying :|
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    (Original post by ComputerMaths97)
    No, regretting something halfway through doesn't mean it's a crime. It means you changed your mind.



    It's a perfect analogy, you can't fault it. Giving something, and changing your mind later, doesn't mean them taking it at the beginning was a crime.
    Applying your logic to the OP's situation makes no sense. Consent is not a gift you hand over to someone who then has total control over it. You can give your consent to an act, but if you decide at ANY point you do not want to continue, you can withdraw it, and from that point onward, if the act continues, it is rape. So no, it's not a perfect analogy, in fact, it's a terribly rubbish one.


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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    well **** you.

    I hope this happens to you and someone call you a liar.

    Being arrested for **** I didn't do based on my skin colour and where i lived was not very fking rational, sorry if i become a little irrational after that.


    Take your hatred of men elsewhere
    If that did genuinely happen then I am very sorry to hear that, and I hope things are better now. :hugs:

    But there's been countless people on here who have pretended to be victims of rape accusations to add force to their argument, believe it or not.
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    (Original post by tcameron)
    Hahaha seriously? First of all you know nothing about me. So your claims of me being a sexual abuser is invalid and ultimately innacurate. I don't care if you studied forensic science, youre in no position to make assumptions over a few posts from a complete stranger.
    I am FEMALE btw before you jump into conclusions.
    Not once did I claim to see the good in men and bad in women, you thinking that I am referring to only women being raped and it having to be by a man is slightly worrying - but dw I won't accuse you of being a sexual abuser.

    I'm cautious because the claims while drunk may be skewed and the damage it may do to somebody's life of wrongly accused is so great.
    She can report it if she wants whose going to stop her, but what I said about it coming down to him knowing she couldn't consent it true, and will be considered in a court of law.

    I highly doubt you are female Cameron.
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    (Original post by CWE)
    Hi,

    I think some of the other posters here are giving slightly misguided advice. The legal (and fair) view of the situation will be soley dependent on the events that transpired and not either individuals commentary on them.

    I hope this post does not seem confrontational as I have the deepest sympathy for your situation.

    - You went back to his house - suggests willingness

    - You said you wanted to go home - not synonymous with wanting to stop, why did you not say you wanted to stop having sex? You were capable of speaking yet did not communicate explicitly that you did not want to have sex.

    - You flailed your arms around when in the act - was this accompanied with a verbal demand to stop ? If it was then it changes the situation entirely. If unaccompanied by verbal cues then this could easily be interpreted as part of the act.

    - You resisted in certain positions - again this is very often part of the act so unless accompanied by an explicit verbal demand to stop is not rape.

    Without your added commentary it is not obvious from the events that you were not a willing participant. This does not mean the situation was not distressing and I would definitely advise counselling if it is affecting your mental health. I really hope everything works out for you!

    I would like to add that if you suspect that your drink was spiked it changes the situation entirely and you should persue the matter further.

    This post is my opinion and does not constitute legal advice.
    1) Going back to someone's house doesn't mean anything in terms of willingness to have sex, it just means you are going back to their house.

    2) I'm not sure about you, but if I was having sex and the other person said they wanted to go home, I would take that as they are not comfortable and would stop and ask if they are okay. Someone doesn't have to explicitly say "no, I don't want to have sex" to indicate to the other person that they want to stop. If you are in a situation where you are being forced to do something and are scared it is very difficult to think clearly and be articulate. You would be so full of adrenaline and many people just shout out stuff to try and stop the act. From personal and professional experience, it is very common for rape and sexual assault victims to be so scared they literally can't say anything - the odd random word or sentence may come out but it's very difficult to make a lot of sense when you are so scared.

    3) Again, I'm not sure about you, but someone flailing their arms around and trying to push someone away doesn't sit well with consensual sex. Yes, some people may role play where those actions are suspected, but there would be a discussion prior to sex if that was the case.

    4) Again, are you saying that if you were with someone and they were saying I want to go home, flailing their arms around, pushing you away and resisting, you would continue (as you don't consider this rape), as they haven't explicitly said stop? I'm sorry, but what the OP has described is definitely rape. The events itself tell that!

    I understand that you want to help the OP but you have based your advice on your view that it is entirely one persons responsibility to stop sex by saying a very explicit statement. There are two people in this situation and both are responsible to read the situation and judge if the other is comfortable and to stop if not.


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    (Original post by bullettheory)
    as they haven't explicitly said stop? I'm sorry, but what the OP has described is definitely rape. The events itself tell that!
    Isn't it odd that those who argue that the "no" signals need to be massively obvious and written in unambiguous triplicate are happy to interpret a vague fluttering of the eyelash, or a walk to someone's house as completely unambiguous acceptance?

    These specious arguments hold no water at all.
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    (Original post by Twinpeaks)
    I highly doubt you are female Cameron.
    I am a female :| Not my problem if you don't believe me
    I have no idea why you'd think otherwise, just because I'm treating the situation fairly? Rather than assuming all men are in the wrong automatically if accused of rape and the female could possibly not be telling the whole truth?
    Pls get your facts right before jumping to conclusions.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Good bloke)
    Isn't it odd that those who argue that the "no" signals need to be massively obvious and written in unambiguous triplicate are happy to interpret a vague fluttering of the eyelash, or a walk to someone's house as completely unambiguous acceptance?

    These specious arguments hold no water at all.
    Has anyone argued no? Not saying yes isn't the same as no, with respect to asking OP question that is
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Has anyone argued no? Not saying yes isn't the same as no, with respect to asking OP question that is
    I suggest you re-read the thread carefully.
 
 
 
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