Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Does my ex still have feelings? Meaning behind his behaviour? Watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    Me and My ex broke up fairly recently. We had contact in the first couple of days, but it was amicable. He doesnt want to feel like hes lost everything, so i agreed to friends, after a period of no contact. His reasoning behind the break up, was 'its not you its me' 'you deserve better' 'i feel like im wasting your time'. I don't know if i want a relationship anymore. He is busy/stressed with exams and assignments, his mum moving further away and him being quite depressed etc.

    He said he didn't know if he loved me around the time of the breakup, to the point where i asked him 'he was like i guess not' my emotions keep changing one minute i do the next i dont. But on the phone, after we ended things, i asked him and he said yes (which to me feels like he's trying to repress these feelings) , and the last time we spoke he was like i won't be reaching out for a while, as i still have a lot of feelings. When i asked him, could we be together in the future, he simply replied 'i like the idea' and 'if there is opportunity for it but i dont want you to focus on that'.

    I'm super confused with all these mixed messages and it could be nothing...is it possible to deny feeling if your trying to disconnect feelings?

    Update: I bumped into him last night, when hanging out with a group of friends. We ended up going from small talk to a big emotional toliet (had it coming since we haven't talked in person, the breakup was via fb, we were in different parts of the country at the time).He admits he misses us, he misses me, and he is starting to remember things that back then he never appreciated and took for granted. He said he feels like he's dug himself a great big hole, I asked him how? and he was like I regret it but i don't know yet. Confusingly, he then changed his tune, and said that he doesn't want a relationship right now, even though he loves me, he can't cope with the demands of everything. He always seems to carry the world on his shoulders. I don't know if he was listening to me, but he kept trying to justify himself by saying we ruined the relationship, it was toxic, we made it like that. When he was just saying it's not you, its me. Its never been you personally, and all this kind of stuff. I got so angry and upset with him, because i kept saying i understand, and i don't want to be with him right now, we need to focus on ourselves (all i basically said was I love him, that I'm trying to understand but its hard if two people still love each other? why does he have to be so stubborn, I don't want to let go and move on). He told me later he was unhappy with us, but he couldn't give me a reason why, I took this personally and felt like 'I'm never going to be good enough', i tried so many ways to make him happy, and changing the relationship to how he wanted it to be.I also later told him its cruel, to keep me as a friend, because for me i never wanted that and i won't heal properly. He cried and understood. I later apologised for me getting angry, there was too many emotions to deal with and i feel frustrated and confused.

    Have I ****ed things up? We did end on a positive note, he said if i ever needed him then to message him and vice versa and we departed. Should I avoid talking for a much longer period (we haven't really talked for like 5 or something days, so maybe we need longer time away) , and if when we see each other next time (to get my stuff back) to keep it very light hearted and avoid relationship talk?
    • #1
    #1

    (Original post by Retroandbeyond)
    Me and My ex broke up fairly recently. We had contact in the first couple of days, but it was amicable. He doesnt want to feel like hes lost everything, so i agreed to friends, after a period of no contact. His reasoning behind the break up, was 'its not you its me' 'you deserve better' 'i feel like im wasting your time'. I don't know if i want a relationship anymore. He is busy/stressed with exams and assignments, his mum moving further away and him being quite depressed etc.

    He said he didn't know if he loved me around the time of the breakup, to the point where i asked him 'he was like i guess not' my emotions keep changing one minute i do the next i dont. But on the phone, after we ended things, i asked him and he said yes (which to me feels like he's trying to repress these feelings) , and the last time we spoke he was like i won't be reaching out for a while, as i still have a lot of feelings. When i asked him, could we be together in the future, he simply replied 'i like the idea' and 'if there is opportunity for it but i dont want you to focus on that'.

    I'm super confused with all these mixed messages and it could be nothing...is it possible to deny feeling if your trying to disconnect feelings?
    He's just depressed. He wants you to be happy in life but he knows that he can't make you happy. What he is trying to do is put distance between you and him so its easier for him to push you away but he loves you a lot. He just needs time and support to make his decission.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He's just depressed. He wants you to be happy in life but he knows that he can't make you happy. What he is trying to do is put distance between you and him so its easier for him to push you away but he loves you a lot. He just needs time and support to make his decission.
    I can understand that perfectly. Especially under the circumstances. Can I ask what decision ? He doesn't seem the type to go back on his word. I would love to get back together, but I know right now he needs his own space and a relationship label can be quite a big stressor, when dealing with everything else.
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    19
    Very Important Poster
    Lol what a lot of drama. its called having your cake and eating it. he isnt sure and in fact hes ok with you splitting, but he wnats to keep uoi in reserve just enough so if he changes his mind he can have you back.

    He has to deal with his depression plus his exams. Let him do that. You get on with your life and see how you feel in the summer.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    When a guy tells you to basically move on, move on. Pretty crappy that he's giving you hope just to be nice or to keep you just in case it doesn't work out with other people. Let him deal with his issues, while you move on and it doesn't mean moving on with different people more like focusing on yourself, hobbies, friends ect. Maybe he will come back, or not.
    • #1
    #1

    (Original post by Retroandbeyond)
    I can understand that perfectly. Especially under the circumstances. Can I ask what decision ? He doesn't seem the type to go back on his word. I would love to get back together, but I know right now he needs his own space and a relationship label can be quite a big stressor, when dealing with everything else.
    The decision to keep you or not.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    Update: I bumped into him last night, when hanging out with a group of friends. We ended up going from small talk to a big emotional toliet (had it coming since we haven't talked in person, the breakup was via fb, we were in different parts of the country at the time).

    He admits he misses us, he misses me, and he is starting to remember things that back then he never appreciated and took for granted. He said he feels like he's dug himself a great big hole, I asked him how? and he was like I regret it but i don't know yet.
    Confusingly, he then changed his tune, and said that he doesn't want a relationship right now, even though he loves me, he can't cope with the demands of everything. He always seems to carry the world on his shoulders. I don't know if he was listening to me, but he kept trying to justify himself by saying we ruined the relationship, it was toxic, we made it like that. When he was just saying it's not you, its me. Its never been you personally, and all this kind of stuff. I got so angry and upset with him, because i kept saying i understand, and i don't want to be with him right now, we need to focus on ourselves (all i basically said was I love him, that I'm trying to understand but its hard if two people still love each other? why does he have to be so stubborn, I don't want to let go and move on). He told me later he was unhappy with us, but he couldn't give me a reason why, I took this personally and felt like 'I'm never going to be good enough', i tried so many ways to make him happy, and changing the relationship to how he wanted it to be.

    I also later told him its cruel, to keep me as a friend, because for me i never wanted that and i won't heal properly. He cried and understood. I later apologised for me getting angry, there was too many emotions to deal with and i feel frustrated and confused.

    Have I ****ed things up? We did end on a positive note, he said if i ever needed him then to message him and vice versa and we departed.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 17, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What's your favourite Christmas sweets?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.