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    Has anyone ever dealt with a flatmate that can't be talked to? My flatmate is (or at least was) my closest friend and I've never had any issues with her until this uni term. She always been a very dependent person and has always told me everything, but about halfway through last term she got a new boyfriend and began to push me out. She was insistent that me and the boyfriend get along and he be a part of our friendship group, and we welcomed him happily.

    By the end of last term I had also gotten a new boyfriend, and although she was happy at first she quickly seemed to make it apparent that, although she hadn't met him and actively avoided any situation where she would, she didn't like him. They have since met and whilst my boyfriend has made it clear he really likes her personality, she makes no effort to involve him in anything, and continuously tells me I can't spend all my time with him, despite me only spending about 2 days a week with him and only doing so because she stopped inviting out to social gatherings.

    When she is with her boyfriend, my flatmate is in such a bubble with him that she is unintentionally mean to me. I'll ask them how they are, and how their weekend was etc, but she never reciprocates and only talks about herself. When her boyfriend is not there she talks non stop about him and their sex life, almost in an "I'm getting the most and the best, and my boyfriend is better than yours" way. If you don't have the same relationship as her, she deems it invalid and questions your preferences as if they are wrong.

    She is also pretty unbearable when it comes to doing work; she does a humanity degree and I do a science degree, and she always insists on being busier than me, sometimes making herself ill by intentionally doing extra work to make sure of it. She takes no notice of my deadlines and tells me I'm not allowed to talk about them, stops cleaning the flat and takes over a communal space, and orders me around even if I'm also doing work. When I ask her to clean up her mess, she tells me she does everything and it needs to be more equal between us. She'll also make a point of only washing up her stuff, leaving mugs, plates etc that I've used dirty for me to clean.

    Another issue is money; this term alone I have put about £200 worth of food and communal items, like toiletries, into the flat and asked her to pay me back, either to have the request ignored or have excuses made until I give up, assuming she'll pay for something eventually to even it out. A few days ago this finally happened, and she turned around and immediately demanded the money back and also claimed her boyfriend was putting more money into the flat than I was (he's apparently paid £30 for stuff I haven't seen). I don't know what she bought, aside from laundry detergent, and she asking me for nearly £40 back, but avoiding paying a bill at the same time. She'll also eat food or drink juice that I've put into the fridge for myself, and without any intention of paying it.

    On top of everything she's very passive aggressive and has a habit of getting mad at someone, insisting it's fine but getting more upset when you don't understand that it's not. When this happens she'll often get aggressive behind your back, and recently made me feel so unwelcome in a group of friends that I couldn't speak to them. Her behavior has led to me having quite intense anxiety attacks, where I don't eat or sleep and have panic attacks when I'm in the flat. It affects my uni work, relationship and general well-being now, and my parents and boyfriend have become pretty worried about me because of it.

    The worst part is I have sat her down and spoken to her to address these issues. She apologised and admitted that she wants us to go back to the closeness we had before and I agreed. However, she hasn't changed her behavior and last night, when all of our friends were over, there were multiple times I tried to speak to her int eh group situation only to be obviously ignored. It's gotten to the point where I don't want to be around anymore, and am close to going back home just to get away. One of my friends noticed I was upset and confronted me and then asked me to speak to the flatmate, and admitted she's had similar issues with the passive aggression and just wants us all to be friends. But I'm tired of rolling over and going to her to ask what the issue is when I've told her countless times to come to me when a problem arises. I'm not living with her next year but we still have a flatshare until mid July, and not sure I can last until then! What can I do?

    Also, thanks if you got this far! There's a lot more to the story but I think I've bored everyone enough now!
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    sounds like a ***** to me.
    seems like she never valued you in the first place, you were just a stepping stone until she got what she really wanted and then you were thrown to the side.

    i'd just ignore her and if it continues contact the university, it's not ok that it effects your uni work.

    jesus some people i just want to be there with you and give her a slap.
    Eating your food, thats a step too far. NOBODY EATS MY FOOD.
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    I mean you could ask the halls provider if you could move flats if you feel that would help but it might not.

    I don't think it's a big deal if she only washes her own stuff up, just do the same yourself, I think that's better anyway as it stops the 'I do more than you' feelings but certainly stop buying communal items if you don't get money back, you can keep toiletries, detergent etc in your room and only use your own and then you don't lose money and she can't harass you for money. I would keep out of her way and try not to let her nastiness and selfishness get to you, just get on with doing your own thing.
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    1. She sounds immature in the my bf is better than yours. ignore her, its not a race.
    2. Make a rota.for division of tasks.
    3. not cool to be mean to you, but this is something you have to discuss with her in terms of it being rude and to be able to deal with confrontation.
    4. Stop putting in toiletries and just use your own if shes not paying her way.
    5. sort out the sharing of food if its not working i.e shes eating more than her share. laxatives in drinks if need be plys food in own cupboard or room.
    6. Ah i see you have spoke to her. Draw it to her attention again its not working.

    If things dont improve then start to cut her out and use your house as a place to sleep, cook and your room as your refuge. study at the uni if need be. Dont let her spoil this year.

    You dont say if your accommodation is uni owned or private. Look at your tenancy and see if you cna terminate it or transfer. Weigh up whether you can deal with that.

    Ofc I have only seen your side, but it was well written and had paragraphs!
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    I had an urge to slap her just reading this. You're either a saint or a pushover.
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    I mean you could ask the halls provider if you could move flats if you feel that would help but it might not.
    It's a private rent and the lease is until mid July, and can't be cancelled unless the rent is payed upfront. So moving out until July is a no but I intend on moving out asap, and she knows that.

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    1. You dont say if your accommodation is uni owned or private. Look at your tenancy and see if you cna terminate it or transfer. Weigh up whether you can deal with that.!
    Also pretty soon after this post she asked if we could talk (a miracle in itself that she would come to me first) and yelled at me for the ignoring incident. Apparently I knew full well she wasn't speaking to me (I had no idea; I hadn't seen her without her boyfriend for days), she was furious that I hadn't immediately handed over the money and had gotten into trouble with other friends who called her out for her behaviour. Rather than apologise for upsetting me, she told me I needed to apologise for making her look bad.

    TL;DR she's a narcissistic ***** and I'm not explaining myself to her, grovelling or investing any interest in repairing my friendship with her.
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    Whilst I am very sympathetic to your situation you do some to be bickering and its taking over. Sort it out with her (it seems she doesnt stick to agreements) or figure out a way of leaving. It sounds like too much of a distraction. is your bf capable of talking to her or her bf?

    If its uni property then find out if you cna get a transfer. Its not going to be repaired so at least you should be able to ignore each other.
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    Sisters before misters, preach it girl! Even though I don't have a female genitailia.
 
 
 
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